Mar 30
Alessandra’s Art Direction: Like early Dungeons and Dragons manual covers, but cruder, with an astronaut threatening Godzilla with a giant pencil tied to a notepad on his back. Oh, and a chick on an altar wearing a skintight rosy pink bodysuit, because this is spiritual writing, darnit!
Published 1996
(Average: 8.98 out of 10)
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March 30th, 2012 at 10:13 am
Isn’t this one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books? Or was it originally used as the cover to a ZX Spectrum text adventure? Because nothing about it says 1996, and that exasperated woman knows it.
March 30th, 2012 at 10:15 am
I sing the body draconic. Immaculate. Thank you. Thank you.
March 30th, 2012 at 10:29 am
Jaw, meet floor.
*CLUNK*
:-O
March 30th, 2012 at 10:30 am
Seriously: 1996?? You’ve gotta be kidding us!
March 30th, 2012 at 10:40 am
I thought I would never sense that feeling again… You know, that body electric feeling. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
March 30th, 2012 at 10:45 am
This wasn’t a proper book though, was it? You know, sold in shops and that sort of thing? Surely it was just printed up on a Dot Matrix Printer and this front cover was done by Steve Stanton’s older brother with learning difficulties, right? right?
March 30th, 2012 at 11:16 am
@mrhairyman: Photo taken at my local Powell’s Used Books. I t was professionally bound and had an ISBN and web presence (one example at http://www.christian-fandom.org/sf/stanton1.html ) and I thought, I have to share this.
The author’s work is also in an anthology edited by Nalo Hopkinson. He’s for real.
March 30th, 2012 at 11:53 am
OK, it’s a real book, but that doesn’t mean I don’t expect to see Kevin Toms’ face looming out of the screen when Football Manager is Monday’s cover.
March 30th, 2012 at 12:11 pm
@Alessandra Kelley – I hear what you say, and I don’t doubt it, but I’m having such a hard time believing that this isn’t a self published book by Steve Stanton aged 9 3/4.
March 30th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
@Alessandra: I can just imagine…
“…eh, you buy books…”
“What? You’ll have to speak up, sir.”
“I, ah, sorry. Sorry. Ahem. You do buy books here?”
“Well, of course, sir. We’re a used book shop. What have you to sell?”
“Ah, before we get to that…do you ever…I don’t suppose you would…just…take a book, like?”
“What sort of book? Fiction? Cook-book?”
*hands it over*
“I’ll have to check with my manager, sir. Can you hold on to this for one moment?”
March 30th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
I concur with @Smith. This looks like something that was done for a class project.
A 3rd grade class project.
If there were tanks or fighter jets, it would be complete.
March 30th, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Maybe it was an award-winning artsy-fartsy mural at one time in some city or town we’ve never heard of. Yeah, it looks more like 1966 pulp than 1996… gulp!
March 30th, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Alessandra gets 50 cool points for referencing the original D&D manual covers. Which were AWESOME.
March 30th, 2012 at 3:40 pm
I can’t even rip on this one in good conscience. I just get the feeling that it was drawn by an enthusiastic kid. Who am I to crush their young dreams?
Keep up the good work, Timmy!
March 30th, 2012 at 4:53 pm
According to his Wikipedia page, Mr Stanton founded ‘Skysong Press’ himself. I suspect that back in 1988 this was a much bigger deal than it is today, but it makes this book basically self-published.
And I mean, that title font… it hurts my eyeses!
March 30th, 2012 at 6:06 pm
If this wasn’t a part of a series it should have been. Den, Attic, Foyer, Linen Closet, Game Room, Garage. He could have been the print equivalent of Lord British and retired a millionaire.
March 30th, 2012 at 9:53 pm
@fred: think of all of the alliterative possibilities!
IN THE ATTIC OF THE ANTEATER
IN THE FOYER OF THE FRUIT FLY
IN THE LINEN CLOSET WITH LES CLAYPOOL
March 30th, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Oh fun!
In the Garage of the Griffin
In the Bathroom of the Basilisk aka Commode of the Cockatrice
March 31st, 2012 at 12:12 am
I love how the Christian Fandom page is a placeholder…from 2005. Guess no one was inspired by the interview to add a review.
March 31st, 2012 at 7:32 am
I thought child labor was illegal.
March 31st, 2012 at 4:06 pm
I’ll join in.
In the Ante-room of the Antelope
In the Conservatory of the Cockatiel
In the Library of the Llama.
April 1st, 2012 at 4:18 am
In the Vestibule of the Viper
In the Bonus Room of the Boa Constrictor
In the Cellar of the Centipede
April 1st, 2012 at 8:37 pm
Looks like he got enough of these out there for there to be at least two online listings (seen via used.addall.com today, no fooling on my part).
April 2nd, 2012 at 7:03 pm
I just don’t know what to say. This just has so much of that Gygax magic to it … it reminds me of the original Dungeon Master’s Guide artwork. A scone for Alessandra! Good show!
July 24th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
IN THE LOUNGE OF THE LIZARD
January 11th, 2013 at 5:29 pm
I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC may be artistically questionable, but it is at least technically competent. This is just horrid. 10/10.
February 24th, 2013 at 7:49 pm
I have been pondering this cover for some time now (for reasons inexplicable) and have come to the conclusion that it is beyond horrid. Unless the ‘artist’ is a microencephalitic two year old child with congenital blindness, it’s unforgivably bad. The truly strange and disturbing thing is the author’s apparent ownership, and control, of the publisher. Does self-published have to be…well, like THIS?
No pressure as far as art direction goes. That means the author thinks that cover is GOOD. Thinks…,
“Sweet baby Jesus, you’ve done it! That is IT! A veritable vision from Heaven itsel,it sums up perfectly my story and..wait, were there astronauts in the bible? There were? Oh yes, this, this will without doubt cause readers to be drawn into purchasing my fabulous tale! Praise the Lord!”
Somewhere in the bowels of Hell Satan is holding a copy of this book and tittering in a sinister manner,”Oh christian fiction, your covers delight me so! Please print more atrociously unsellable tomes like this! I can feel my power growing with every book you print…”
March 1st, 2013 at 9:18 pm
The author is the publisher and is the cover artist. Kind of like the lawyer who represents himself has a fool for client.
From the cover description: “mankind has advanced beyond the boundaries of Earth. Corporations from Luna City Free State have funded extensive mining operations in the asteroid belt and beyond. …space Navy freighters ply the cold oceans of emptiness…on the largest asteroid in the belt, Ceres, a dragon-worshipping cult plots to overthrow the corporate masters and seize control of the planet! “
March 2nd, 2013 at 10:48 am
I like how the blurb spends all that time establishing that the scenario is exactly the same as in every other space adventure yarn, to the point where it might as well have just read, “so yeah, space stuff happens, whatever”… then, just as one’s attention begins to wander, it suddenly throws in the dragon-worshippers on Ceres. Cute.
March 8th, 2013 at 6:58 am
I thought the—Cult—was named “Ceres,” a shadowy organization thought to be allied with Google, fanatically bent on total Galactic domination. And the “Dragon” much more closely resembles a large bug than any reptile to be found in this quadrant.
March 8th, 2013 at 2:09 pm
I’m surprised the Dragons won the World Ceres. I was rooting for the Phillies.