May 11

Quickly! I've forgotten my trousers and all I have to cover myself is your Mum's curtain!Click for full image

GK Comments: When I saw this at the book store all I could say was, “Good Show, Sir!”
Published 1999

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.71 out of 10)

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33 Responses to “Dragon Ultimate”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    The look of terror that can only mean “Shelley Winters and Jim Dale are after us!”

  2. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    I know the guy in front of the dragon is holding a crossbow, but doesn’t it look a little like a musical instrument? Between that and the reeeeally bright colors, he looks like a minstrel.

    As I first looked at this cover I heard:

    “Bravely bold Sir Robin
    Rode forth from Camelot …”

  3. Smith Says:

    If Battledragon (i assume it is he) takes another step without looking where he’s going, he’s going to knock minstrel boy there off the bridge.

  4. Smith Says:

    I have to say my first thought on seeing this was “Its Scooby Doo: the D&D Years”.

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    Human, beware!

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    My goodness…the girl and the dragon from Human, Beware! had a child. Thank Heaven for the modesty flap.

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    “I’ll have a Dragon Ultimate and a Tall Latte Mocha Frappe, please.”

  8. Tom Noir Says:

    Sure, dragons have HUGE TEETH and RAZOR SHARP CLAWS and let’s not forget they BREATHE INFERNAL FLAMES FROM THEIR MOUTH, but sometimes they just need armor and a sword!

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    Also, one gets the impression they named it “Dragon Ultimate” because “Ultimate Dragon” was some sort of copyright infringement.

  10. Phil Says:

    Behind you!

  11. Phil Says:

    And: I was wondering where my blue bath towel had gone. Covering a dragon’s goolies.

  12. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    A closer look at minstrel boy shows that he is not wearing medieval clothes, but rather generic paramilitary fatigues in clown colors.

  13. fred Says:

    The most ineffective looking guardrail I have ever seen. Is everyone else on this world only 2 feet high?

  14. Yoss Says:

    Check out the elbow spikes. Poor guy probably rolls over in his sleep and hurts himself all the time.

  15. Phil Says:

    This one keeps nagging at me for some reason. Surely skimpy armour for such a large dragon, covering only the upper body. And aren’t dragons supposed to have wings? Where are they? Crushed up inside his tabard?

    Is the dragon sneaking up on the clown-coloured military-fatigued guy, or is he his personal bodyguard?

    GREEN lightning?

    Only three fingers per dragon hand? Is this standard anatomy for dragons?

  16. SI Says:

    “Hey watch this guys! I am totally going to grab onto this dude and get struck by lightning. It will be hilarious!”

  17. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    I attribute the green lightning to poor color reproduction. It and what looks like chartreuse paint splashed on the figures is clearly supposed to be yellow light. And I’m willing to bet the originally painted sky was a little darker and more stormy.

  18. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    Oh, come on. That’s clearly not a dragon; it’s an albertosaurus with spikes on.

    I’d have said tyrannosaurus, but it has three fingers instead of two.

  19. Trish Says:

    I’m with Noir and Phil. When you get to the point where your dragon character is anthropomorphic, wears armor, and wields a sword, you have to sit down and ask yourself why he is even a dragon anymore.

  20. Jane Says:

    “author of Dragons of Argonath.”
    Quick, call the Tolkien Estate!

  21. Infoqueen Says:

    Wait, you mean Skateboard Girl isn’t in this one?

  22. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    I remember these. I used to dog-ear some of those books while waiting for my mom to finish her grocery shopping; groceries always have the worst shit in their book sections.

    The dragon’s in armor and wielding a sword because he lives in a generic fantasy world and also because he has no wings and can’t breathe fire. His people are hired as mercenaries, or something. I can’t remember much besides how disappointing the books were when the cover promised something that, to my childish mind, seemed awesome — a dragon who was a knight! Does he fight bigger, badder monsters, or does he fight humans? Or maybe he’s a good guy, and has allied himself with the humans! And oh god, how long does it take mom to pick out some freaking pads, I am not going over there.

  23. Rachel J Says:

    If the dinosaur-thing is Battledragon, is the one with the crossbow Deceiver? If so, that’s going to be a very quick final showdown…

  24. Jaouad Says:

    Also, that Mr Dragon’s breast plate is one of the least realistic-looking I have ever seen. Like something made of plastic you’d buy at a toy shop for your kids. And don’t even get me started on the… what is that? Chainmail?

  25. John T Says:

    “And they’ll be facing… Battledragon! And Deceiver! Contenders – ready! Gladiators – ready!”

  26. A.R.Yngve Says:

    If there’s a Battledragon, is there a peace-lovin’ Hippiedragon too?

  27. Hep C Says:

    I think there should be a loincloth tag here.

    This dragosaur does have chubby cheeks, doesn’t he? Unless it’s some kind of hamstersaurus.

  28. Phil Says:

    He is indeed a cheeky chappy.

  29. Sarah Says:

    Actually I just saw this at a place in Columbus! It’s amazing!!!

  30. Rags Says:

    Dino: Quickly the enemy approaches, hide under my loincloth!!

    Bowman: Thats your solution for everything!!!!

  31. Sophaloaf Says:

    @Rags, yup…seems about right. From how Bowman is struggling to stand upright, it appears he has learned from past experience.

  32. Tom Noir Says:

    I note that ‘battledragon’ is waving a sword around and wearing steel armor during a thunderstorm. No doubt that’s why such creatures turned out to be an evolutionary dead end.

  33. A.R.Yngve Says:

    How did the dragon get his horned head through the collar of the breastplate??

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