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Aug 16

You.. shall... not pass!!Click for full image

Jaouad’s Art Direction: This book is so awesome, there’s only one way to sell it: give it an awesome glittering  metallic dustjacket, so everyone is blinded by its awesomeness. Also, make sure no one can read the author’s name.
Published 2002 or 2011

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 5.21 out of 10)
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20 Responses to “Artemis Fowl”

  1. SI Says:

    This reminds me of when people used to cover their text books in school with wrapping paper. Somehow all the girls used to find the most sparkly paper… and bend space and time to keep the paper intact all year round!

  2. James Says:

    “Warning: Please keep indoors on sunny days”

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    Haysi Fantayzee were real trend setters in the most unlikely places.

  4. fred Says:

    Ye olde hinges on the book cover never works for me. Kitty face runes on the other hand…

  5. Corey Says:

    This is literally the worst book I have ever read.

    I’m getting angry just thinking about it.

  6. THX 1138 Says:

    I notice nobody can work out whether it was published in 2002 or 2011. Does this mean the pages are glaringly shiny inside as well?

  7. L.B. Says:

    Overdid it on the fairy dust, didn’t they?

  8. Jaouad Says:

    @THX: I didn’t dare open it, for fear of the fairies escaping and making a mess all over the other books.

    Wikipedia says 2001. This edition may be a reprint.

  9. Rachel J Says:

    Ah, my cousin had this book– and I’m not sure even that photograph conveys just *how* shiny it is. As I recall, it’s actually holographic, so that there’s rainbow sparkles playing constantly over all that gold.

  10. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    Make it sparkly enough, people will buy it but never get around to reading it. It’s a win-win situation for both writer and readers!

  11. A.R.Yngve Says:

    [Gollum voice] The light! It burnsss!

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Did you know there’s a hidden 3-D picture in that cover?
    Keep staring at it up close and you see a huge t*rd…

  13. Jaouad Says:

    @Rachel J: True! It’s a sight to behold, and I’ve tried my best to catch its full glory, but no simple photograph will do it justice.

  14. Rachel J Says:

    I can’t help but feel sorry for the hardworking artists at Baen. There they are, dedicating their lives to bringing us lovely sparkly metallic covers– and now Puffin has simply out-classed them, once and for all. I mean, this is *it*: the very shiniest book cover that has ever been, or ever will be.

  15. Book Wench Says:

    All the Fowl books have this glittery cover (the other has a blue one, so that’s less painful to look at.)

    I think it’s a way to encourage you to open the book and look inside – because the cover’s so intense. In my bookshop I couldn’t put it out on the display table or the front window because when the light hit it there was a danger of headaches and seizures…

  16. Darcy Says:

    This happens to be a very good book, but I think they overdid it with the sparkly cover.

  17. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    Poor Artem…all the kids made fun of him and called him Fowl. “Artem is fowl! Artem is fowl!”

  18. mobi Says:

    Please tell me that I’m not the only one who read the title as “Lion Golfer”. :( It’s just so sparkly… It’s like they intentionally tried to obfuscate the title.

  19. Stevie T Says:

    Do you know what happens to that oh-so-sparkly cover once it’s dumped into a library system and 500 kids read/abuse it? I do, that was the copy I got to read. It looked like it was mauled by a pack of wild fairies. Great gouges of fold lines cut across gulfs of scuffed glitter, with tiny bits of shine here and there to hint at it’s once former glory….You couldn’t even see the “hinges” or “lock” anymore.

    I saw a copy in a bookshop months later, and wasn’t even sure it was the same book.

    Good read, though.

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Who buttered the cover?

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