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Mar 14

Axe o'clock again... man... time to head back upstairs...Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Man climbing stairs to heaven, a grandfather clock with an axe for a pendulum. I think there is only one way I can improve this masterpiece… it has to shine… and I mean literally! Get the silver glossy shiny cover people on the phone, I’ve got another one for them to perfect!
Published 1992 (maybe)

Many thanks to Ethan for sending this in!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.62 out of 10)
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15 Responses to “Fear”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Judging by Mr King’s description this could be L. Ron’s autobiography. Apart from the bit about being really good.

  2. SI Says:

    This is my axe clock… that is my meat cleaver chandelier… and in the mean time have a seat on my shotgun sofa.

  3. Tat Wood Says:

    I suspect that the full King line was something like: A classic tale of creeping surreal menace and horror is ‘Murders of the Rue Morgue’, which, like most of L Ron Hubbard’s writing, proves that a massively dumb idea can stick in your head far more than one of the really, really good ones. The difference is that Poe didn’t found a tax-dodge religion on Parisian monkey-criminals.

  4. FearofMusic Says:

    Fear. Do you have fear? Is your clock trying to kill you? Are your appliances conspiring against you while you sleep? No need to seek professional help. We have the solution. We have what you need. We have the key to freedom from the threat of death via household furnishings. We have a couple of soup cans hooked to a low voltage continuous power source. All YOU need is US. All we need is ALL your money. Then you too can enjoy wondrous tomes like this. Really, wouldn’t you rather be clear, then slaughtered mercilessly by yourrefrigerator?

    Think about it. But not too much. Thinking is bad…

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    This is a horror/suspense novel, not sci-fi/fantasy. I would reconsider if that were a cat person climbing the infinite stairs. Plus, let me quibble about the tags: hunk, font problems, wtf? Really? Wtf indeed.

  6. Phil Says:

    Good to see that Ubbar is once again being bracketed by the letters H and D. Is the man on the cover really being propelled upward by a purple cloud emanating from his lower half – or is that just a reflection in the oh so shiny cover?

  7. fred Says:

    If this was the Sopranos the clock would be set to 3:00 and we would be spending the week trying to decipher the symbology of the scene. And why wasn’t the F invited to the EAR party?

  8. NGpm Says:

    So your thetan is suffering because of a failure a billion years, I mean million years ago, to escape the IRS and space psychiatrists by climbing the space stairs in time. The only way to get beyond this block and become open is to write me a blank check. Next!

  9. Jaouad Says:

    @Fred: A & R were afraid that F & E would get together in the kitchen. Their grotesquely deformed offspring, vaguely resembling a demon-winged A, would frighten the buyers. I mean, frighten them even more.

  10. FearofMusic Says:

    @Fred: What time is it on The Clock of Death? Between the swirling mists of terror and the distraction of the gargantuan hovering Ubbard I can’t make it out.

  11. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Repairman: “Now I see why your clock is broken… you’ve replaced the pendulum with an axe! See how it chops a hole in the side wall?”

  12. fred Says:

    @Fear: It is either 1:40 or 8:10 I think.

  13. ****ofMusic Says:

    @Fred: Thank you sir. My eyes were watering too much to see that clearly.

  14. Tom Noir Says:

    All we have to fear is… unnaturally shiny book covers and clock axe pendulums!

  15. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    If you look closely enough at the clouds you can see several celebrity scientologists’ faces…I guess time ran out for them :P

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