And the gentlemen in robes would be what class of gladiator exactly? Oh yes, the Balderius Pastyfaceinatti. Famous for their ability to trip over their flowing robes in the sands of the arena.
Oddly, this whole thing looks like some sort of very imaginative prison sex fantasy, rather than gladiatorial combat. To me at least. Even has the token female so as not to seem quite so gay.” I didn’t want to, but there were so many, and I was overwhelmed. Then things got…sticky.”
A while ago, Bibliomancer was discussing words that mean their opposite (e.g. “cleave”). I think we have here a blurb that means its opposite, that is, “First Publication Anywhere” also means “Last Publication Anywhere.”
Judging by the cover (which is cool to do here, at least), Leonard Carpenter will be getting a vengeful visit from the ghost of Robert E. Howard.
@B. Chiclitz — … and Ken Kelly will be getting his ass kicked by the ghost of Frank Frazetta.
OK students, let’s examine the composition of this painting. Bury Cleopatra Jones and two monk-minions waist deep in the ground. Make Mr. Conan’s bulky package the exact center of attention. In fact make it extra shiny and have daggers suspended in mid-air. And have one dagger pointing directly at said crotch in case anyone could possible not see it. Oh, and give Mr. Conan extra rouge and eye makeup and a matching jewelry ensemble of necklace and earring.
Yes, this Conan has too much of a pretty face. And we’re left to assume he has grabbed on to and is torquing some sort of necklace/collar under the guy on his left (our right)’s hoodie, ’cause you don’t get stick-out-your-tongue strangled just from someone grabbing a fistful of your robe.
The Maiden Cut in Half (or stuck in a very shallow pit) seems much vexed by her predicament and I do not blame her.
A quick check on wikipedia offers an explaination for the ridiculous makeup on Conan by the artist Ken Kelly;
“Ken Kelly is the nephew of Frank Frazetta’s wife Eleanor “Ellie” Frazetta (1935-2009), whose maiden name was Kelly.
He has depicted Conan the Barbarian, Tarzan and the rock groups KISS, Manowar, and Rainbow.”
- only problem is Conan is no hair band member nor is he part of a test to see how many steroids one body can take before it explodes. On a personal note this cover makes me sad, I love the Robert Howard stories and the old Frazetta covers. This is just wrong.
My first impression was that we’re seeing Conan’s reaction to this jaw-dropping cover image. Understandable, since it was my first reaction too. (Good God, his thong!)
But then I realized that would mean the artist showed Conan the painting before painting it. Which would be the most depressing waste of the power to time-travel ever. So I rejected that thought.
Then again, it could depict one of those weird modern productions of a classic opera. “The Barber of Seville as you’ve never seen it before!!”
Instead, I’ve decided that Conan is about to take a deep breath and hold it, either because his opponents smell terrible or because big C has the hiccups. And, really, how bad would someone have to smell to make a barbarian hold his breath, amiright?