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Aug 05

A Master Race Storyteller - Heidelberg ChronicleClick for full image

Bibliomancer Comments: “Heil Ho … Unicorns!”
Published 2008

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.21 out of 10)
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23 Responses to “After the Downfall”

  1. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Unicorns!
    Worse — NAZI unicorns!

  2. Perry Armstrong Says:

    Gay marriage must have occurred somewhere… no wait, that’s nazis on dinosaurs.

  3. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I guess everyone recognizes the pastiche of David’s famous Napoleon portrait (which is also gross in its own ass-kissing way)…

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @AR: not especially, what’s ‘Napoleon’? Is it something like this? Does it have large teeth, or human-sized?

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    Would it kill them to get a shark on there too?

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    von Stauffenberg: ‘I’m here to chew glove and kick ass…and I’m all out of ass.’

    Fritzi: ‘I’m not!’

  7. L.B. Says:

    What a lovely Einhorn! Too bad there’s a Nazi riding it.

  8. Tag Wizard Says:

    @A.R.Yngve – Ah, but this is also a “David” (Palumbo). And if you-know-who had won you-know-what, this would be hanging in the Louvre.

  9. Sir Bob of Bobbinghamshire Says:

    This may be the single greatest image in the entire history of human artistic endeavour.

  10. fred Says:

    Turtledove covers are so boringly boring. The cover equivalent of watching paint dry in total darkness while listening to elevator music and drinking warm flat non alcohol beer.
    And where are his spurs?

  11. fred Says:

    @ Dead Stuff With Big Teeth – NurembergMania 22?

  12. misterbob Says:

    Nazi’s do not use spurs,because they are nice and care for their horses.Althought i’m worried this steed has eaten his glove,it may explain the retching pose.

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    I like to think he’s wearing that glove because it conceals a robot hand.

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Still… I don’t envy the readers who buy a book with that cover in a bookshop:

    “I’d like to buy this Turtledove book please…”
    “I see… are you into Nazis then?”
    “I’m not a Nazi, and this isn’t a Nazi book.”
    “Sure it isn’t. Let me just put it in a brown paper bag.”
    “I’m telling you, it’s not… look. The cover is ironic. A Nazi on a unicorn! Would real Nazis like that?”
    “Hallo, mein schatze! Have you got ze new one by Tom Krautmann… HEY!! Lemme look at zat! Mein Lieber Gott! Zat is beautiful!”
    “Who’s that?”
    “Oh, that’s Otto, he’ll buy anything with Nazis in it.”
    “Hi, I’m Otto Kampfenlust. I zee you like books about German History… I zink we’re going to be friends. Do you like tanks?”
    “HELP!”
    “Next customer!”

  15. Calabanos Says:

    A.R.Yngve FTW

  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TW: I simply adore your new iconography! What inspired you?

  17. anon Says:

    I feel this cover is missing the Nazi salute. The pointing finger just isn’t the same, though it would work in a classroom setting.

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Poor, poor Harry Turtledove. Can you imagine what he’ll have to go through during book signings…?

    “Hi, what’s your name?”
    “Hallo, Herr Turtledove, I’m Otto Kampfenlust, I haven’t read your book but it looked so vunderbar I just had to buy it… please sign these two copies…”
    “Sure. You want a particular message…?”
    “Yes, Bitte — write ‘To Elsa, Mein Schatze, you will always be the Fuehrer of my heart’…”
    “Uh, okay…”
    “And sign the other copy ‘To Otto, The Reich Forever’… with the number four instead of ‘for’… he he…”
    “NEXT!”

  19. Tag Wizard Says:

    @DSWBT – I’m rebranding. A gravatar helps me stand out from the crowd.

  20. anon Says:

    @Tag Wizard: Admit it, your real name is Wiz Taggart.

  21. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    It looks like he’s pointing and saying “Look, it’s got a horn!”

  22. Anna T. Says:

    Unicorns must be pretty ordinary in that world, given as how this guy looks incredibly bored in this portrait. He could try to muster up a little enthusiasm.

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Wouldn’t this imply a lot of Nazi virgins? From der F. on down? Lest they be rejected by Unicorns!

    Might explain his ennui.

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