Feb 09

Fly those spacefighters away or she gets it in the cooch.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: I’ll save you some time looking this up: the title is an anagram for RACIER THIGHS BATTLE FEZ FOE.

Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.25 out of 10)

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34 Responses to “The Windhover Tapes: Fize of the Gabriel Ratchets”

  1. Bibliomancer Says:

    I’ve seen this pose before:

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    She has the typical number of bosoms now.

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    That looks like a Predator trapped in lava on the right.

  4. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @Tom: ‘RACIER THIGHS BATTLE FEZ FOE’ is now my headcanon title for ‘Dr Who: The Big Bang’.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    It appears that her right forearm is measurably skinnier than the palm of her right hand in profile.

  6. Tat Wood Says:

    If Anne McCaffrey genuinely read every book she blurbed it’s no wonder she outsourced writing her own novels

  7. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘How many engines can you put on a spaceship?’

    ‘Well, my feeling is…if it doesn’t have engines, it should have insect bits.’

    ‘Bet you can’t make a fleet of spaceships out of just engines and insect bits.’

    ‘You’re on! And the loser has to solicit the blurb.’

  8. THX 1138 Says:

    “Oh Gawd, it’s the wife!”

  9. Ray P Says:

    Flash helps Princess Aura escape the attack of the Space 1999 Eagle variants.

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TagWizard: in contradistinction to last week, shouldn’t that be ‘BEHIND YOU!’ instead of simply ‘behind’?

  11. Tag Wizard Says:

    @DSWBT – All things that are “BEHIND YOU!” are also “behind” but not everything “behind” is “BEHIND YOU!”

    Just kidding. Tag fixed.

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Thanks @Tag W.—I needed a koan to reorient myself after looking at this cover.

  13. Noel Says:

    Good grief. Some people will use any old excuse to cop a feel.

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Oh no! We’re trapped on one of Saturn’s moons! Surely the cold and lack of atmosphere will kill us within seconds??”
    “Don’t worry, girl! For we are in Pulp Space, where every moon everywhere is habitable and women are required to walk around without spacesuits!
    “So why are YOU not half-naked, Buster?”
    “Err… um… Pulp Space rules.”

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “No wonder I can’t fix this gun. You handed me the Moroni ratchet instead of the Gabriel ratchet!”

    “But I thought you said you needed a ‘five’ ratchet. That’s the Moroni.”

    “Fool, I said the ‘fize’ ratchet! You are so dumb. I can’t figure out why you’re so popular.”


  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @TW: /me is AFK (head asplode)

  17. Anna T. Says:

    Was “Fize” supposed to be “Five”, or is “Fize of the Gabriel Ratchets” actually the name of one of the characters? If so, where’s the Gabriel Ratchets and how do you come to be from there? And was the damsel rescued from a cabaret?

    @Perry, Tom: If I get reminded of your “RACIER THIGHS BATTLE FEZ FOE” anagram the next time I watch “The Big Bang” and end up giggling uncontrollably, I blame both of you.

  18. fred Says:

    He must have to stop every 100 meters to polish his boots to a high glossy shine.

  19. Ray P Says:

    Contemplating the title (‘Fize of the Gabriel Ratchets’) and other works (‘The Seren Cenacles’) I am led to wonder whether Warren Norwood is a pseudonym of Dr. Roland Chevalier, best-selling author of the Cyborg Harpies and the Yeast Lords.

    “This is a piece that came to me in a dream when I was eleven. I call it migration, and it depicts a fleet of harpies synchronizing their mammary cannons to create laser rain. Hard rain’s gonna fall.”

  20. Tat Wood Says:

    If that’s how the artist interprets Gerard Manley Hopkins, imagine what’s he’d do with Swinburne.

  21. DaveM Says:

    Is this book the sequel to “The Windhover tapes: Fozr of the Michael wrenches”?

  22. HappyBookworm Says:

    @Tag Wizard – Thank you for the “gibberish title” tag. Now I can stop trying to figure out what Fize means.

    @Tat Wood – Nice literary reference. I shudder to think what Hopkins (my favorite poet) would think of the title being applied to this story.

    The blurb quote says that the hero has an obscured past. What about this cover is not obscure…

  23. anon Says:

    O. Worndown Rear
    Gabriel’s Pet Hat: Seize the Wind of the Hovercraft

  24. Elvraie Says:

    When I opened the page, I read Size of the Gabriel Ratchets instead of Fize.
    Makes you wonder…

  25. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Is he wearing falsies?

  26. Tat Wood Says:

    @Elvirai: If you’re old enough to remember ‘The Banana Splits Show’ that almost makes sense.

    “Rosan Bikini-ar…”

  27. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I’ve been trying to make a Fize of the Gabriel Ratchets/Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald joke since February, I’m officially giving up. 🙁

  28. RachelJ Says:

    @Dead Stuff (#27).

    The legend lives on from the spacemen on down
    Of the big moon they called Dione.
    The moon, it is said, never gives up her dead
    When the rings of Saturn look lonely.
    With iridium ore twenty-six isotons more
    Than the “Gabriel Ratchets” massed empty
    That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
    When the Insectoid Reavers struck early.

    Shall I go on? I fear it’s going to be a tragic tale.😢

  29. FluffyGhostKitten Says:

    @RachelJ: Making fun of a bad song is okay, but could you have picked one that isn’t about people dying? Like say, ‘MacArthur Park’?

    Someone left the Rachets out in the rain
    I don’t think that I can take it
    ‘Cause it took so long to find a girl who’d let me do this
    And I’ll never have that gun again
    Oh no!

  30. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @B’mancer way back at (1):

    Egads. That really *was* traced by the later blobby pastel book, wasn’t it? Just with flannel jammies instead of bikinis and a smaller handgun.

    @Rachel, FGK: GSS! Certainly the appropriate reaction to this “art” and the gibberish title is a heartfelt “oh nooooooo”.

  31. RachelJ Says:

    @FluffyGhostKitten. Maybe it wasn’t in the best of taste- but blame Dead Stuff! He started it!

  32. FluffyGhostKitten Says:

    @RachelJ: I understand, it’s a terrible song, what with that Pink Floyd knockoff intro and all. It’s just that my dear, sweet mother will smack me with a lefse paddle if I make fun of dead people and/or Gordon Lightfoot. (And I do think mocking drowned sailors is kinda gauche.)

  33. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I think making fun of the *song8 is entirely all right. It is pretty naff. Not sure if it’s how the sailors would have wanted to be commemorated, either — a Top 40 droning dirge that repeats the same 4 lines (or is it 2?) over and over and over? Their surviving relatives must have avoided the radio for ages.

    Would like to hear more McA Park, though. And since DSWBT has abandoned us, we can blame a lot on him.

    I see this has another nonsensical McCaffrey blurb. Obscured past? It’s got a Space Sheep, a Lewis head, tasteful smoke, or a price tag over it? Why the final letter?

    Which one’s Fize?

  34. RachelJ Says:

    @GSS ex-noob. Don’t know. How do you suppose you pronounce it? Fyze? Feez? Fi-ZAY?

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