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Feb 02

What a maroon ...Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: It was a long road, but this would eventually become a major motion picture starring Matt Damon.

Published 1967

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.81 out of 10)
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29 Responses to “Marooned on Mars”

  1. Bibliomancer Says:

    Slowly the rodent-like creatures of the Red Planet advanced toward Chuck Svenson …
    offering friendly greetings to the first visitor from another planet …
    and then Chuck Svenson beat them all to death with his handgun …

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Slowly the rodent-like creatures of the Red States advanced toward electing a leader…

    MAROONED IN THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION

    ‘Ha ha ha, Clinton’s got this one locked up.’–The New York Times

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘This is the first Sci-Fi book I read back in grade 4 in 1969. It turned me in to a lifelong reader. ‘

    Two stars. WTF, GoodReads? Do you not like reading after all?

  4. THX 1138 Says:

    “If you don’t get back to your seats, it’s detention for the lot of you!”

  5. Tom Noir Says:

    Most blurbs try to give you the setup for what the book is about. This blurb just tries to give you the setup for what page 37 is about. Unusual!

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Slowly the rodent-like creatures of the Red Planet advanced toward Chuck Svenson …

    but it has nothing to do with this cover, where the creatures pictured don’t even remotely resemble anything “rodent-like.” Dead Stuff, you’re an expert on alien animal anatomy—where do these fellows come off calling themselves “rodent-like”?

  7. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: Funny you ask. I was about to observe that the fellow in the foreground is trying to lasso Chuckles with what appears to be spider silk. I conjecture, therefore, that the blurb writer called them ‘rodent like’ because he or she couldn’t spell ‘tarantula’.

  8. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Chuck Svensen, the first Swede on Mars, invited the natives to a peace offering of traditional Swedish cooking.

    Everything seemed fine — but when the Martians had their first taste of the lutefisk, all hell brooke loose…

  9. Francis Boyle Says:

    Poor Chuck Svensen. He would have won the battle if not for the lack of a BEHIND YOU! tag.

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Dead Stuff WBT—Not only that, but there’s nothing resembling a “slow advance” either. I think this is a blurb they just had hanging around and slapped on at the last minute. I’ll bet that’s not the Red Planet and that guy’s not even old Chuck Svenson!

  11. fred Says:

    Mars needs men this time around, and then Chuck appears from the sky as if by magic.

  12. Anna T. Says:

    They look more like hominids than rodents.

    He looks like he’s surrounded by children who are excited because he’s something new, and he doesn’t have any experience with this kind of situation.

  13. Tat Wood Says:

    As it’s Lester Del Rey, he’s going to shit the science out of it rather than the reverse.

  14. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Points against the Martians being rodent-like:
              •No prominent incisors
              •No diastema
              •Obligate bipeds
              •No external pinnae to the ears
              •Forward-facing eyes on a flattened face
              •Enlarged brains
              •’Power grip’ opposable thumb

    Points in favour of the Martians being rodent like:
              •Hair
              •HURF DURF I ARE TEH BLURB WRITER HARR I ARE TEH SMARK

    The enlightened reader may come to his/her/its/co conclusions.

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Goodness, that looks more like Jupiter in the background than a proper Martian sky.

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    “Get your hands of me you damned dirty whatever species DSWBT determines you are!”

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Slowly the rodent-like creatures of the Red Planet advanced toward Chuck Svenson’s exposed buttocks…

    MOONED ON MAH ARSE

  18. SI Says:

    Thankfully chuck svensen could move at a moderate pace. So instead of waiting for them to approach slowly he just dandered off.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Why’s Chuck got his blaster pointed straight up rather than at the non-rodential, non-slow creatures?

    For the second day in a row, I proclaim “meh”.

    @GSS Admin, it may be time to bring out… BAEN!

    @Tom Noir: It is a very strange blurb. Apparently blurb-writer got page 37, and artist only got the title.

  20. Raoul Says:

    @Xnoob – Your yesterday’s “meh” is currently in the Top Ten of the all-time list.

  21. classicOz Says:

    Marooned? But the cover looks orange.

  22. DaveM Says:

    Advance art for Fallout 5 “Fallout New Mars”
    I see that Sven of the many Svens rocket ship is powered by a six shooter revolver drive. Take that gun control groups! :-/

  23. MisterBob Says:

    Wot no Aurora Models tag ? I’m pretty sure i have this one in the loft ,but it may have been eaten by rodent-like beasts by now.

  24. RachelJ Says:

    While I think they’re adorable, I must concur with the general view that these creatures are not remotely rodent-like.

    Possible scenarios-

    1. Recycled cover (book is devoid of monkey-aliens).
    2. Recycled blurb (book is about monkey-aliens, but devoid of Chuck and the rodents).
    3. Recycled cover and blurb. And, perhaps, title? Space knows what the book is actually about.
    4. Due to communication difficulties, blurb and cover do reference scenes in the book, but not the same ones.
    5. The artist, the blurb-writer or both came from very nice, sheltered backgrounds and had never seen a rodent.
    6. The author had never seen a rodent. The hapless artist and blurb-writer were forced to work from a brain-twisting text in which flat-faced, bipedal etc aliens were inexplicably described as “rodent-like”. They did their best.

    I believe that covers it.

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @RachelJ: So your #4 implies that Chuck gets attacked by rodents, and at another time, by these bipedal primates.

    Wow. Mars is dangerous!

  26. HappyBookworm Says:

    @RachelJ and GSS ex-noob – I like theory #4 the best. It gives points for effort while acknowledging that primates are not rodents. And what else is Mars but dangerous? If SF has taught us nothing else…

  27. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Eureka! They’re brown recluse spiders! That explains everything.

    EVERYTHING!

  28. DaveM Says:

    @GSS (very very) ex-noob, Have you never read the Barsoom series? Just going down the shops for some eggs and muffins will entail being attacked by at least four different and mutually antagonistic species, then after making your purchases you will be kidnapped thousands of miles away and have to fight your way through hordes of different cultures to reclaim your groceries, then unite the disparate clans to overthrow the oppressive government(s) in order to get back home!

    Honestly, it’s no wonder we’ve never colonised Mars, apart from the scientific problems, it’s just too exhausting a world to live on for long..

  29. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @DaveM: Yes, but that was in the past, when it was Barsoom (Don’t forget that your friends and loved ones will get kidnapped more often that you will).

    Honestly, current Mars with the cold temps, thin atmosphere, excess radiation, and poo potato possibility looks much safer to live on than any version of pulp Mars. At least it’s only the elements trying to kill you.

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