MALVOLIO
Sweet lady, ho, ho.
OLIVIA
Smilest thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO
Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
with me as the very true sonnet is, ‘Please one, and
please all.’
OLIVIA
Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
did come to his hands, and commands shall be
executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I’ll come to thee.
OLIVIA
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
thy hand so oft?
MALVOLIO
I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
of virtue, answer me.
Enter Will Shakespuss
WILL
No, no, no, no! You said that line back in act II, the blocking is terrible, I could barely hear you in the second row, and YOU forgot your yellow tights! Look, loves, let’s all have a break and then take it from the bit with the throne.
“Tristan, you’ve been sleepwalking and communing with the flea-ridden stable cat again. This is the sixth time in the past week I’ve been dragged out of bed because of you, and – why did you steal a prop sword from the players? What am I going to DO with you!?”
@TatWood—just about everything here is funhouse-mirror-crazy distorted, the more you look at it. Tristan’s got serious Buffalo Head Syndrome, his left leg is shorter than his right, I can’t even visualize how her legs work under that WTF garment (I think she might be a kneeling giant) and she also has the missing left arm phenomenon we see on so many covers. “Rowena” must be a feline, since, as you note, the cat is the only thing rendered more or less normally.
I think she’s also got Wolverine spikes coming out of her knuckles.
The sword isn’t lost, it’s right there! Unless by “lost”, they mean “lost to Prince Tristan, Most Noble of Kittehs, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Felinia”, who’s trying to get this buffoon to give it to him.
@Tat and BC are correct, the cat is the only one with all limbs accounted for and in proportion. And isn’t wearing the drapes. His coloring’s a bit odd.
@fred: I’m not entirely sure the cross garters or whatevs are really connected to his boots. He seems to have some straps over top of the boots, and then random loose strappage up his short shins.
Mind you, I’m not sure he’s bright enough to dress himself anyway so it’s moot. Needs help from his giant Wolverine-clawed, oddly-bendy, did I mention the drapes-wearing friend.
What’s to the right, behind Noble Sir Puss? Part of the Throne, with one tasteful cobweb? So, he’s found the Throne, he’s got the Sword, why stop and kneel/lean/dispense kitty treats? Get on with it, Tristan! Giant one-armed blue dress lady can’t lean there all day!
His short legs and oversized head makes me think Tristan there is some kind of dwarf, while the lady having giant legs, missing an arm, and a glowy spiky hand suggests that they come from a land which suffered either Ebil Magick or radiation poisoning and fallout.
(I’m also wondering what’s the deal with her clavicles.)
What in the name of Lao Tzu’s crucible is going on with the sleeves on the lady’s dress? I’m old enough to remember when Flares and the worst excesses of Disco were in style and even I think they’re ridiculously big at the cuffs!
Also
Him: “Look lady, you give a good neck massage, but I was promised a massage with a happy ending, if you know what I mean.”
Her: “Are you saying my adorable little cat doesn’t make you happy? What sort of fiend are you sir!”
DECENT FOOD AWFUL ATMOSPHERE COBWEBS IN CORNERS WATER STAINS ON THE WALL PAPER SERVER WAS A CAT WIFE ATTACKED BY CURTAINS LOST SWORD WENT TO THE BATHROOM SAT ON THRONE DIED.
May 24th, 2017 at 11:25 am
Hey big guy. How about you use that lost sword to open me a tin of Friskies™!
May 24th, 2017 at 11:41 am
MALVOLIO
Sweet lady, ho, ho.
OLIVIA
Smilest thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO
Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
with me as the very true sonnet is, ‘Please one, and
please all.’
OLIVIA
Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
did come to his hands, and commands shall be
executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I’ll come to thee.
OLIVIA
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
thy hand so oft?
MALVOLIO
I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
of virtue, answer me.
Enter Will Shakespuss
WILL
No, no, no, no! You said that line back in act II, the blocking is terrible, I could barely hear you in the second row, and YOU forgot your yellow tights! Look, loves, let’s all have a break and then take it from the bit with the throne.
May 24th, 2017 at 11:59 am
whoever WROTE the TITLE needs A NEW keyboard.
May 24th, 2017 at 12:02 pm
Tristan’s the cat, isn’t he?
May 24th, 2017 at 12:58 pm
@THX – Death was the mouse, wasn’t he?
Funny, she doesn’t look like Thanos.
May 24th, 2017 at 1:54 pm
Someone who knows about ladies’ fashion…WTF is that gown, anyway?
May 24th, 2017 at 3:40 pm
Cat: Speaking of sitting on the “throne,” have you looked at my kitty litter box lately? It’s disgusting. When are you going to clean it?
Tristan: When I find the lost sword, the one with the scooper attached to the blade.
May 24th, 2017 at 4:42 pm
This shows a woman with four-foot-long thighs kneeling behind a man with one-foot-long shins. The cat anatomy is relatively straightforward.
May 24th, 2017 at 5:14 pm
If his life ever depended on putting his footwear on quickly he’s screwed.
May 24th, 2017 at 6:18 pm
“Tristan, you’ve been sleepwalking and communing with the flea-ridden stable cat again. This is the sixth time in the past week I’ve been dragged out of bed because of you, and – why did you steal a prop sword from the players? What am I going to DO with you!?”
May 24th, 2017 at 7:08 pm
@TatWood—just about everything here is funhouse-mirror-crazy distorted, the more you look at it. Tristan’s got serious Buffalo Head Syndrome, his left leg is shorter than his right, I can’t even visualize how her legs work under that WTF garment (I think she might be a kneeling giant) and she also has the missing left arm phenomenon we see on so many covers. “Rowena” must be a feline, since, as you note, the cat is the only thing rendered more or less normally.
I think she’s also got Wolverine spikes coming out of her knuckles.
May 24th, 2017 at 7:08 pm
Does he have a neckbeard?
May 24th, 2017 at 7:45 pm
Here ve see ze enrrraged Pantomime Princess Margaret https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0p-cY1XWN_Q
May 25th, 2017 at 2:38 am
The sword isn’t lost, it’s right there! Unless by “lost”, they mean “lost to Prince Tristan, Most Noble of Kittehs, Rightful Heir to the Throne of Felinia”, who’s trying to get this buffoon to give it to him.
@Tat and BC are correct, the cat is the only one with all limbs accounted for and in proportion. And isn’t wearing the drapes. His coloring’s a bit odd.
@fred: I’m not entirely sure the cross garters or whatevs are really connected to his boots. He seems to have some straps over top of the boots, and then random loose strappage up his short shins.
Mind you, I’m not sure he’s bright enough to dress himself anyway so it’s moot. Needs help from his giant Wolverine-clawed, oddly-bendy, did I mention the drapes-wearing friend.
What’s to the right, behind Noble Sir Puss? Part of the Throne, with one tasteful cobweb? So, he’s found the Throne, he’s got the Sword, why stop and kneel/lean/dispense kitty treats? Get on with it, Tristan! Giant one-armed blue dress lady can’t lean there all day!
His short legs and oversized head makes me think Tristan there is some kind of dwarf, while the lady having giant legs, missing an arm, and a glowy spiky hand suggests that they come from a land which suffered either Ebil Magick or radiation poisoning and fallout.
(I’m also wondering what’s the deal with her clavicles.)
May 26th, 2017 at 12:36 pm
What in the name of Lao Tzu’s crucible is going on with the sleeves on the lady’s dress? I’m old enough to remember when Flares and the worst excesses of Disco were in style and even I think they’re ridiculously big at the cuffs!
Also
Him: “Look lady, you give a good neck massage, but I was promised a massage with a happy ending, if you know what I mean.”
Her: “Are you saying my adorable little cat doesn’t make you happy? What sort of fiend are you sir!”
May 27th, 2017 at 1:02 am
@GSS Chiropractor: I think she’s caught in a perpetual shrug.
‘D’you think the cat is trying to tell me somethin’, then?’
‘Meeeh.’
May 27th, 2017 at 9:21 am
@DSWBT, “What’s that kitty? Timmy’s fallen down a well?”
August 24th, 2017 at 8:23 pm
*****
DECENT FOOD AWFUL ATMOSPHERE COBWEBS IN CORNERS WATER STAINS ON THE WALL PAPER SERVER WAS A CAT WIFE ATTACKED BY CURTAINS LOST SWORD WENT TO THE BATHROOM SAT ON THRONE DIED.
👍 Helpful?
August 24th, 2017 at 9:06 pm
“To be [1], Tristan had to [2] on the throne. But without the lost [3], the throne was — [4]!”
[1]
a) King
b) Relieved
c) Lord of the Dance
d) Speaker of the House
[2]
a) Sit
b) Dump
c) Dance
d) Put Trump
[3]
a) Sword
b) Decoder ring
c) Red shoes
d) Compromising photos from a Russian hotel suite
[4]
a) Death
b) An embarrassment
c) No fun
d) Putin’s
August 25th, 2017 at 2:02 am
Don’t worry Tristan….you don’t have to give fake excuses for leaving us. We understand your Kingdom is your responsibility.
December 18th, 2021 at 10:52 pm
At first I thought it read “The Sword of Calendula” and assumed Tristan’s pose was due to the discomfort of diaper rash.
February 10th, 2022 at 10:03 pm
The Cat Who Would Be King.
February 11th, 2022 at 3:13 am
A belated but heartfelt GSS for @Tat (13).
@fred: Probably better than the other two would be.