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Nov 06

Chainsmokin'Click for larger image

Alice Comments: I snapped this bodice-ripper at the local Rite-Aid.

Published 2017

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.67 out of 10)
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21 Responses to “Immortal Unchained”

  1. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Q: What, exactly, does “USA Today Bestseller” mean?
    A: There is no rational answer. Scientists are stumped. The mystery of the “X Bestseller” tag remains unsolved.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    An “Argh! No!” Novel?

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Goodness, he certainly looks chained.

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    It seems that this is the twenty-fifth book in the series…

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    @DSWBT – Was Django Unchained part of this series?

  6. Francis Boyle Says:

    My eyes are up. . . oh wait.

  7. JuanPaul Says:

    Dude is so bad ass he dries himself off with a chain in stead of a towel.

  8. fred Says:

    @ 1 and 4 – I think the book titles in this vampy vampire series go a long way in explaining the USA TODAY bestseller thing.
    https://www.goodreads.com/series/40687

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Lynsey sands immortal unchained.”

    It is easier to sand immortals if you chain them first. As you can see, the process generates a lot of heat.

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: are you sure that isn’t lint?

  11. Tat Wood Says:

    As Fred and Dead Stuff note, this mechanically-recovered fantasy product is the result of the Acme Random Series Title Generator. As with Robert Lynn Asprin’s 80s multi-author collections putting ‘myth’ inside titles, this one is set to take well-known book and film names, replace a word with ‘Bite’ or ‘Immortal’ and produce a new title. Well, new-ish.

    Forthcoming Attractions:

    Reservoir Bites
    The Immortal who Fell to Earth
    Captan Corelli’s Bite
    The Immortal on the Train
    Eat, Prey, Bite
    The Immortal from UNCLE
    The Bite Stuff
    My Big Fat Immortal Wedding
    Boogie Bites
    The Immortal with the Dragon Tattoo
    Runaway Bite
    Go Set an Immortal

    and so on

  12. Raoul Says:

    More like Immoral Unchained. Amirite?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat W—great list. Only missing a few classics:
    Annie Bites
    Last Immortal in Paris
    Gone with the Bite
    The Immortal Who Knew Too Much
    Taxi Biter

  14. Anna T. Says:

    @JuanPaul: I was just going to mention that!

    Either that, or this gentleman is making a new fashion statement by using a chain as a scarf.

  15. Tor Mented Says:

    Well, Rite-Aid is a chain store.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tor M—so is Bite-Aid, I think.

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    This is really, really tame and dull compared to a lot of them. I mean, he doesn’t have a weapon, and he’s not even a werewolf. Or any sort of were-critter. The anatomy looks fine; everything’s in proportion and he’s not weirdly overly-cut. No font problems. But holy cow, 25 of these books. Lynsay be selling!

    @ARY (1) USA Today is a newspaper distributed across the country, mostly in hotels and airports and such. It has a best seller list every week. It actually counts all the books sold, as opposed to the New York Times’ mysterious ways where they poll a selection of the “right” kind of places and extrapolate from that. NYT doesn’t count drug stores (like Rite-Aid) nor big-box stores, where a whooole lot of books are sold. So while it’s not as prestigious, it is a better indicator of what the public is buying.

    I mostly use Amazon, since the two bookstores in my town closed. I have purchased books at the drug store, the grocery store, Target (best sellers 10-40% off), Wal-Mart… it’s convenient when you’re shopping for household goods to also take a look at the book section. None of those sales of mine were registered by the NYT.

    This guy may have been chained, but he still managed to keep up the grooming — waxed torso, carefully trimmed beard. I guess when you’re Immortal, you have plenty of time to learn how to do these things.

  18. Tor Mented Says:

    Oh, immoral, immortal
    I’ve hungered for your book
    A long, lonely time.
    Time goes by so slowly
    And I don’t give a ….
    Are you still mine?
    I need your book
    I need your book
    God speed your book to me.

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Ha ha! No doubt recognized from his image on Good Show Sir! We can now sleep much easier in our beds, especially those of us who sleep in beds at service stations.

  20. Tracy Says:

    If he’s been unchained, why is he still hanging on to that chain? Wouldn’t he want to be rid of it?

    This is why I hate those kinds of covers and by extension that brand of waxed-buffed-tattooed beefcake. Gimmee skinny, angsty artistic types.

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tracy: Perhaps this is in the middle of the unchaining? He’s about to throw it off into the fire-smoke-lint.

    Or maybe he’s gotten to like it and he’s going to save that part for fun later on, in Book 28.

    I’ve never cared for the waxed chest myself. I like an occasional secondary sex characteristic.

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