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Feb 12

Can't get close enough to kiss his lips - blocked by his big noseClick for larger image

 

This guy just dropped a steaming load of bad covers on GSS Admin, so the boss told me to make this “JuanPaul Week”. Register your complaints using the handy “submit” button above. Plus, send in at least four high-quality losers and next week may be all yours! Enjoy! — Tag

JuanPaul Comments: Try pronouncing the author’s last name with a thick and exaggerated Russian accent. It’s good fun.

Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.33 out of 10)
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16 Responses to “Borrowed Time”

  1. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘Old-fashioned biology’ includes cheese-making.

    I sent six in last week. At least four are sufficiently rancid.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Publisher’s Weekly, you incurable romantics!

  3. Tom Noir Says:

    Love! Physics! Extras from ‘Tron’! This book has it all!

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    Didn’t Christopher Reeve manage the same thing just by wishing very hard – no modern physics involved? Or can you only do that if you were superman in another movie? And no, I don’t really want to talk about how terrible this cover is.

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Burrowed Time by A. Hamster

  6. fred Says:

    ‘old-fashioned biology’. A tag name in search of a GSS use.
    I see no obvious depiction of time, unless the string of space pearls in the background is an analemma.
    .’Barrowed Time’ by A. Wight.

  7. Alice Says:

    Does a “fantasy review” mean they just made that one up?

  8. JuanPaul Says:

    Did Photoshop have the make-text-follow-path tool in 1985?

  9. fred Says:

    ‘Burrowed Time’ by A. Hamilton.

  10. Anna T. Says:

    I can’t get “modern physics and old-fashioned biology” out of my head. Who describes a book like that?

    Also, someone ought to alert the lovebirds that a one-eyed cyborg is watching them kiss.

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Like an old exhausted star collapsing into itself, this cover is imploding under the weight of its own attempts at signification. Just too much there there (so much and yet—so little).
    I am particularly intrigued by those two floating heads, rather smirky, wearing what look like hats made of crabs legs, and suffering from a bad case of cleft-chinitis.

  12. Tor Mented Says:

    “Burroughs Time” by A. Monkey or A. Junkie.

  13. JuanPaul Says:

    This kiss is reminiscent of the metaphysical battle between the two sorcerers, Egg Shen and Lo Pan, in Big Trouble in Little China.

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    The main couple are at the angles you’d get if you tried to get Barbie and Ken to snog. Their necks can’t bend so their whole bodies are tilting.

  15. Raoul Says:

    “An unusual love story based on modern physics, clandestine chemistry, and old-fashioned biology” — Publishes Weakly

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    HrrrRUsskkka.

    It is fun!

    Wonder what the Russian words for “enormous nose” are? I guess that’s also included in the old-fashioned biology.

    This is so awful and yet I was sure I’d seen it before. Or at least something very similar and equally terrible.

    What’s with the Mardi Gras beads around the glittery sea urchin on the left? Why are the three smirky Tron extras there at all? Who thought that font and kerning was a good idea?

    What’s a book about old-fashioned physics and modern biology?

    Would I be better served by watching that Christopher Reeve movie @fred mentioned again? (Yes.)

    BAEN!sneeze
    (the large schnoz seems to be dripping downward)

    sigh… and only one of my cover submissions has made it…

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