Jul 25

From the makers of Second Life!Click for larger image

JuanPaul Art Direction: Sorry, Marc, but we can’t afford to pay an artist. We’re going to use a screenshot of my kids’ Everquest characters.

Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.69 out of 10)

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21 Responses to “Unbinding the Stone”

  1. GSS Admin Says:

    “Did you feed the bear LSD again?”

  2. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    Last time I saw this lot they were on an airline safety video. Deep in the uncanny valley.

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    The text is sadly poo-reminiscent. Is the bear seeking the woods?

  4. THX 1138 Says:

    Marc has his own very 2003 website. The cover for the sequel is a lot more dramatic and a bit less Taiwanese CGI news report.

  5. Bob Says:

    The cover is painful, but that title sounds excruciating in an answer-the-call-of-nature kind of way.

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    If the “Flame in the Bowl” starts going out, just toss in a few more unsold copies.

  7. Raoul Says:

    I learned from that Marc also writes fanfic “Chuck” episodes.

  8. Francis Boyle Says:

    That bear looks far too constipated to be shitting in the woods any time soon. BTW, I’m attempted to adopt Constipated Bear as my new band name but I suspect it’s already being taken by one of the lesser know Russian hacking groups.

  9. fred Says:

    Please, please, please, please, please, please let that be a Chocolate Bear (life sized).

  10. Tor Mented Says:

    That animal could kill you with its bear hands.

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Ah, the beauty of the ellipsis. With my new sci-fi ellipsis decoder ring, I can penetrate the secrets hidden behind those three dots:
    “Remarkably complex and often very funny except for the parts where it’s neither complex nor funny, like most of the book, which is simplistic and inane, and the way it reaches new lows, with the tripped out bear and the questionable footwear, is definitely original.”

  12. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    The bear looks like he just farted (a SBD) and is trying to look casual about it. I think slippers guy just got a whif and is staring sternly at the bear, but he can’t really say anything because he’s not sure if it was the other guy who did it, but as soon as either the bear or Mr. Green Pants gives some kind of indication he’s going to put the culprit in a headlock.

  13. Alice Says:

    Amazing attention to detail on those crotch laces.

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    Bear hates it when his daddies argue.

  15. Tag Wizard Says:

    I had to tag this as “Unknown Artist Institute” because, for some reason, this book is not listed on isfdb. My guess would have been this was a total Marc Vun Kannon production, author and artist. But looking closely between the dude’s Ugg boots I can just make out the presence of an artist signature. JuanPaul, any chance you can examine the book more closely to see if there is an artist name? Art of this quality deserves attribution.

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    @TW Next time I visit that bookstore, I’ll see if this gem is still on the shelf.

  17. Hammy Says:

    “Unbinding the Stone”? Wasn’t that that 1980s movie with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner?

    What? “Romancing the Stone”?

    Never mind….

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    That HAS to be self-published, self-pub can do paperbacks and why else would it have that terrible low-polygon “art”?

    @Admin (1): I think booties man on the right got the LSD too. Sandals guy has to do EVERYTHING. Including smack himself in the armpit with his sword.

    @THX (3): GSS, cleverly joked. (4) The Taiwanese news might be more entertaining.

    @Raoul: That’s… special.

    @Alice (13): Quite detailed, identical, and don’t seem to connect with/to anything. Makes you wonder about Marc and/or the artist. How long does it take to unlace when nature calls? Or are they just decorative?

    Do they ever find The Flame in the Bowl? Is it, perhaps, a grill near a pic-a-nic basket? Or only a tiny kettledrum on fire?

    I’m thinking there’s more than one bear on this cover.

  19. L.B. Says:

    @Hammy – I always wondered what happened to Joan and Jack after Romancing the Stone and Jewel of the Nile.

    Time wasn’t kind to either of them, I fear.
    And the bear? Oh, that’s just poor Ralph (Danny DeVito).

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Unbinding the Crotch Laces

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Maybe the two men envy the bear. He can just go in the woods with no delay at all, while they’ve got a time-consuming process to do anything like that.

    Possibly explains Mr. Booties’ expression. Maybe he did the SBD and the other two are looking away.

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