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Dec 21

Let’s sit back and enjoy some Xmas vinyl. And then toss them on the old yule log. We’ll have our Festivus “Airing of Grievances” after we return from the break. I got a lotta problems with you people, and you’re going to hear about it! Have a happy holiday and we’ll see you in a couple weeks with our Old Year Sum Up!

Get that red suit on, Obi-WanClick for larger image

Your voice is dead, JimClick for larger image

The Curly Joe album was even worse than the Shemp Xmas albumClick for larger image

... and then have a go at the pancreasClick for larger image

Deck the bowls with extra crispyClick for larger image

On his birthday, Jesus has a four-wayClick for larger image

Good Show Sir Comments:

1. Glad I traded the elves to the Jawas for some droids.

2. Deck … the halls … withBoughsofHolly?!!

3. Why I oughta … wish you a Merry Xmas. nyuk nyuk

… and a few Honourable Mentions:

4. Let’s start with the liver.

5. So that’s the original recipe turkey bucket. Eight pieces. 15 kilos. Pull up to the next window.

6. Three Maids a Layin’ … no Golden Rings!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.13 out of 10)
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27 Responses to “Christmas Megapost 2018”

  1. fred Says:

    GSS reporting from the front lines of The War on Christmas.

    4. Two more glasses of wine and Christopher will hang the mistletoe from his sporran.

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    1: It’s amazing what’ll creep up on you when you’re lost in thought with your cocoa.

    2: If he Shatner Claus, don’t expect us to clean them up for her.

    3: “We’ll get the real Curly back if it’s the last thing we do!”

    4: Hey, slow down, someone’s had too much Christmas cheer!

    5: Kentucky Fried… Turkey?

    6: There’s no call for that kind of language.

  3. Tat Wood Says:

    1. They get Christmas AND Life-Day?

    2. It’s got a sequel. At a minute and thirty-nine seconds he growls ‘bring me flesh’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8RmPiNfCME

    3. Davros: the Early Years

    4. The word ‘Bank’ fell off the end of the title.

    5. Not a bad selection but they should have followed through with a painting of a Party Bucket for the Magi.

    6. The one on our right is John Lithgow.

  4. JuanPaul Says:

    1. R2 and C-3P0 are fattening up this poor homeless man so that they can harvest his essential oils as droid lube.

    2. You didn’t really need the sunglasses, Bill, Photoshop is very handy for making the bags under your eyes disappear.

    3. Lets go back in time and renegotiate our contracts so that we don’t all die poor.

    4. Hey, keep that organ under your kilt!

    5. I would have expected there to be greasy finger prints all over the album cover.

    6. More like the Filth Tones, you sassy ladies.

    @TW #6 nailed it 🙂

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    #6 – I think that is pronounced “Hay-zeus! Use me!”.

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat W, @JP re:6—You think? I’m going with William Bendix.

  7. fred Says:

    4. Christopher Bowes. Band – Bumilingus. Song – Around the World in 80 Turds
    Don’t listen. Really. Don’t. Ever. Don’t even read the lyrics. No.
    https://bumilingus.bandcamp.com/track/around-the-world-in-80-turds

  8. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    I’m new here and don’t know if I should be commenting, but I have to say every single one of these is beautiful. Must have taken many hours of searching shops to get these gems.

    At first glance I thought #5 was Rolf Harris and it didn’t make it any more or less bizarre.

    #4 has probably retired from music after his role in the hobbit, but I’m sure he didn’t wear that at the audition.

    #2 – If the Shatner clause allows this to be released, it should be renegotiated.

  9. THX 1139 Says:

    @Verylate: You can’t fool me – there ain’t no Shatnery clause!

  10. JuanPaul Says:

    @BC might I also suggest Stephen Fry?

  11. Tag Wizard Says:

    @Verylatetotheparty – Don’t be silly. Of course you should be commenting here. I’m grooming you to replace B. Chiclitz 🙂

  12. Raoul Says:

    #6 – Does this album include “O Come, All Ye Faithful”?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    And a Merry Krimble to you as well, Tag W 😉 —and to all the elves and Elvises of GSS—wishing all good tings! for the holidays!!

  14. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    THX 1139: I really can’t fool you, I only thought about the Marx brothers after I submitted that comment.

    TW: Thank You… I think. Erm why do you need a replacement for BC? What’s the life expectancy around here?

    #4 The lack of a visible chain on that sporran is very disturbing, and the title does not help. Warn the girls on #6 – DO NOT ASK how he is keeping that in place.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    1. I may have a bootleg copy of this around somewhere. I’m sure I heard it once.

    I DO have a copy of the artwork as I was lucky enough to be on the Lucasfilm holiday card list for a few years in the 80’s (Before things went bad). Getting a very glossy card with Ralph McQuarrie artwork on was always a highlight.

    2. Why the heck not.

    3. Oh, the guy who didn’t care for us making fun of the cover of his book (not even his writing) is going to think we actually like this. Nyet nyet.

    4. “Festive” is the last word that comes to mind looking at this chap. It’s like there’s someone just off-camera who’s stuffed Christopher into the wrong size (see sleeve length) screaming yellow jacket and has a gun on him to make him pose.

    5. WTF? I do recognize many of the listed performers. This is probably worth big yen in Japan, with their Xmas/KFC tradition. But don’t touch the record after you’ve eaten your KFC — the grease will ruin everything.

    6. I’ve seen this on a “bad album cover” site. Wherever bad imagery is snarked, these women(?) will show up in their dental hygienist coats and the bouffants that proclaim “the higher the hair, the closer to God”.

    BTW, #2 is brand new. Out for just this season. With a surprisingly good batch of real musicians dueting. Contemplating “Jingle Bells feat. Henry Rollins” is kinda blowing my mind, though.

    The Monkees also have a new Xmas album this year, for more nostalgia.

  16. Tor Mented Says:

    #6: There are some 1950s-‘60s women’s hairstyles that are bizarre to the point of grotesquery. Like the woman on our left in #6. Her wig is so large that when hairpins fall out of it, they drop into orbit. This woman was summoned to the scene of apartment fires so that jumpers could have a soft landing. And if you’re wondering if any of these ladies have been kissed under the mistletoe, I’d say it’s highly unlikely. When they stand under the mistletoe, their hair swallows it up.

    Also, the lack of a hyphen in “Jesus Use Me” changes the meaning. It sounds like the statement of a small child who has not yet mastered the past tense.

  17. Monty Says:

    #1 Good grief, that’s a real Ralph McQuarrie.

    #2 We forgot to take pictures? Throw a hat and sunglasses on someone else, they’ll never know.

    #3 More like icecream machine.

    #4-#6 I think these ended up on this scifi book cover site accidentally.

  18. THX 1139 Says:

    Fun facts for those posh crackers that don’t contain jokes:

    Jon Bon Jovi is on the Star Wars Christmas album.

    Mistletoe translated from the Old English means “shit twig”.

  19. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Monty: number 6 is clearly a trio of aliens ineptly posing as a terrestrial singing group.

    @GSS: “People used to complain all the time about my exploiting the elves. Since I switched over to droids, not a peep.”

    #2: stay well clear of the mistletoe, girls.

    #3: a heart-warming story about how the Stooges save St. John the Baptist in time for Jesus’s birthday by sending Larry’s disembodied head back in time to fill in for him.

    #4: subtitled “wink wink, nudge nudge”

    #5: “Ho ho ho. I was pressured into selling my restaurant chain and spent the last twenty years of my life working as a mascot for the company which made my gravy taste like wallpaper paste. Ho ho ho!”

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: speaking of exploited elves, it’s that time.

    The Twitter account “Angry Santa Elf” is posting as usual for the holiday season. Generally Nov. 1 — Dec. 24/5/6, including the play by play of Santa’s flight.

    None of it’s pretty; the elves are hard-drinking slaves, Santa is completely insane and a miser, and you don’t want to know what’s going on with Rudolph, Hermey, and the Island of Misfit Toys.

    regarding photo #6 — of course they’re aliens. One of ’em looks like John Lithgow (who did have that one awesome scene with #2, regarding a critter on the plane wing). I’m thinking the one on our left could be hiding anything in that hair, from antennae to a conehead to some weird hat/death ray/radar dish. They didn’t bring along enough Earth punctuation, though.

  21. Hammy Says:

    I think #6 is someone playing a joke. Not only is that John Lithgow on our right, the one on our left very much looks like a young-ish Mike Myers, and the middle one looks like the kind of guy you’d see in TV sitcoms who is the nerdy friend of the male lead, or maybe a comedian on an old episode of “Saturday Night Live.”

  22. Ray P Says:

    Middle Faith Tone looks like Val Kilmer.

  23. THX 1139 Says:

    So that’s the Faith Tones… John Lithgow, Val Kilmer and… Matthew Broderick?

  24. Francis Boyle Says:

    There’s something ineffable sad about bad album covers. The way people are willing to give up any scrap of dignity in return for an illusory shot at fame. I’m almost tempted not to comment. But. Shatner. You’re legitimately famous. You’ll be remembered in centuries to centuries to come. But still you see fit to inflict on us bad album covers (and bad albums). Shame!

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Just to say I am alive, if not well. Bastid of an upper respiratory virus has set up in my ears, nose, and throat. That’s what I get for leaving the house, mingling with the masses at theaters and also having to sit in the dr’s waiting room.

    Those of you who are old enough to remember the first season of SNL will understand when I say I sound exactly like The Mighty Favog. “It’ll cost ya two chickens.”

    Still, the crud held off till New Year’s Day, so I was at all mandatory festivities.

    Saw “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” and cannot recommend it highly enough. Take the kids, or ignore them and go yourself to a late show , your choice.

  26. C. Hagen Radick Says:

    Christopher Bowes is probably best known as the frontman/keytarist for the pirate-themed metal band Alestorm, and if you find his other “…At the Organ” albums, you’ll realize they’re all in jest, as his his shtick.

  27. Tag Wizard Says:

    @C.H.R. – Next you’ll be telling me The Faith Tones are tongue-in-cheek!

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