It’s time for Mars Sexytime Honourable Mentions. And it’s a score in more ways than one. Scraping the bottom of the Mars barrel, here are three also-rans that, for various reasons, didn’t meet our STRICT AND RIGIDLY ENFORCED GROUND RULES.
Sex Life on the Planet Mars. I can’t find much info on whether this is comedy, sci-fi or maybe even a mystery. But I’m not surprised it’s written by this guy. Somewhere Capt Kirk is getting a boner.
A Princess of Mars. Further proof of the benefits of novels losing their copyright and entering the public domain. This is an actual by-the-rules science fiction book cover, but it’s print-on-demand and I didn’t feel like spending a tenner of Tag Wizard’s expense account money to buy a copy.
Mars Ho! It’s a Kindle ebook cover. I think it’s also paperback but, since nobody is in a hurry to send that cover in, this will just have to do.
Good Show Sir Comments: Thanks to Cyndi-with-an-i, me, and Sir Douglas Quintet for sending these in.
Published 1986, 2008, and 2017
February 7th, 2019 at 10:01 am
Fans of the Girl Genius webcomic will recognize that first cover’s art as being done by Phil Foglio.
February 7th, 2019 at 10:41 am
1: Why are you making me think of Toy Story? STOP SULLYING THE NAME OF TOY STORY!!!
2: The expression that says she’s just about to offer some very unconvincing excuses.
3: Well, there’s no call for that kind of language.
February 7th, 2019 at 11:00 am
1. “Hey Mom and Dad! I found this cartoon book in your bedroom. Please read it to me!”
2. Disney Studios Art Direction: “We lost our ass making John Carter and we still have the rights to A Princess of Mars. Let’s turn this over to Pixar and cut their budget 99%.”
3. “Let’s do a quickie before the frostbite sets in!”
February 7th, 2019 at 12:40 pm
#1 It’s two eyes, three breasts – even Arnie knows that.
#2 Tiny hands – must be Ivanka after the exile.
#3 What a stirring location for romance – Dutch porta-potties.
February 7th, 2019 at 12:59 pm
1. Vaughn Bode?
February 7th, 2019 at 1:40 pm
1. Nope. Phil Foglio. Full wrap around.
http://www.isfdb.org/wiki/images/3/34/SXLFTMRSFA1986.jpg
February 7th, 2019 at 2:46 pm
Nice rollover texts for these three.
@Bibliomancer (2.1) GSS!
February 7th, 2019 at 2:51 pm
(3) “Spaceman Bob to Earth. Spaceman Bob to Earth. I have finally discovered clear evidence of ancient life on Mars. Looks like they spent a lot of time doing laundry.”
February 7th, 2019 at 6:07 pm
1.) This is part of a series ending with “Sex Life on Uranus.”
What? Hey, someone had to.
2.) A Princess of Bars, more like.
February 7th, 2019 at 8:18 pm
Addendum: I’d like to note that Barsoom is just one letter away from barroom.
February 7th, 2019 at 9:28 pm
Well, my first thought one the first one was “Phil Foglio?” – turns out I was correct… 🙂
(Go read Girl Genius if you haven’t…)
February 7th, 2019 at 9:51 pm
1. Forewarned…
2. Dejah View
3. Someone mis-heard ‘Barsoom’ as ‘bathroom’.
February 8th, 2019 at 12:44 am
1. It’s a collection of mysteries/detective stories, saith Goodreads. Amazon has it listed, one collectable for a price I wouldn’t entertain:
https://www.amazon.com/Planet-Fredric-Brown-Detective-Pulps/dp/B001EMNN5W
2. Dejah Thoris *does not* have purple hair!
3. It looks to me like there are *two* Mars hos on that cover….
February 8th, 2019 at 2:28 am
1. looking at the full cover, I see the “Cute/hot Monster Girl” trope is in play.
2. A transcript of ER Burroughs’ Sims game.
3. a. Is it possible the writer didn’t recognize the double entendre?
b. I think you’re right, @Tat: my immediate thought on seeing the bottom half of that cover is “Porta- potties! In! Spaaace!”
@Francis Boyle: that sort of anti-trinocular, anti-hexapedal prejudice just leads to Wars of the Worlds.
February 8th, 2019 at 11:42 am
“Mars Ho”:
Nothing says “romance” like being cooped up in a cramped, smelly Martian trailer home for years, literally MILLIONS of miles from a bathtub, sharing every fart and bad breath with your smelly, half-crazed bunkmates.
February 8th, 2019 at 11:45 am
Cover #1:
What exactly is the benefit of three eyes, unless the third one is in the back of your head?
“I can see your nose so much better than you, Earthling! Every pore and wart and nose hair and booger… Eww! Get out of my sight…”
February 9th, 2019 at 7:00 am
#1: written by Brown and cover by Foglio, the chances of it NOT being a spoof are slim and none. The three eyes disturb me more than the extra arms.
#2: I thought Dejah had coal-black hair? She’s almost canonically naked, though.
#3: Aptly named?
March 13th, 2019 at 2:20 pm
I think they missed the apostrophe at the end of Mars.
March 14th, 2019 at 4:16 am
@AS: Yes, but in these futuristic liberated days, which one is the ho? Or should it have been plural?