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May 08

Nice front cover. What's on the backside?Click for larger image

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Good Show Sir Comments: From the engorged pen of Larry Correia who last graced these pages with his Monster Hunter Badonkadonk comes his latest Baen-tasm: Noir Fatale. Here is a veritable arsenal of new stories which eager readers can’t wait to crack open. Some of Baen’s best writers are behind this masterpiece. A wide assortment; you’ll be bummed if you miss out on this cheeky title!

Published 2019

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 9.33 out of 10)
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21 Responses to “Noir Fatale”

  1. V Coupland Says:

    Foreign language grammar freak alert…
    The French title to my Gallic eye is incorrect. Should be Noir Fatal or Noire Fatale…

  2. Tag Wizard Says:

    @VC – Thanks for your insight. Much appreciated. Of course Baen Books couldn’t care less if their French is correct. They barely care about their English.

  3. fred Says:

    In honor of this contest I choose Ian Richardson/Dark City.

  4. THX 1139 Says:

    I’m reminded of a Pink Floyd album cover, if only I could bring the right one to mind…

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Natasha Fatale is the only Noir Fatale.

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    @THX – are you thinking of the Pink Floyd “back catalogue”?

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    The original blurb:

    Enter KING LEAR and Fool

    KING LEAR
    Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
    You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
    Till you have drench’d our steeples, drown’d the cocks!
    You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
    Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
    Singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder,
    Smite flat the thick rotundity o’ the world!
    Crack nature’s moulds, an germens spill at once,
    That make ingrateful man!

  8. JuanPaul Says:

    She’s a Femme Phatale.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    Baen had to cancel their online contest: too many bots.

  10. Francis Boyle Says:

    From this cover I deduce that, in the Baen universe, one set of buttocks is worth a helluva lot of explosions.

  11. Raoul Says:

    She looks like she’s ready to fire off that T-shirt cannon. She’s got two more shirts ready to go on her ammo belt.

  12. MakkaPakka Says:

    Ars* gratia ars*

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @MakkaPakka—That translates as “Big ass, big crack” correct? My classical Latin is a little rusty.

  14. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Edited by the Puppy himself? No doubt only the very finest of selections!

    OK: this cover is – well, fully assed in a literal sense, but metaphorically half-assed. The title is dumb (modifying “noir” with “fatale” gives us “black fatal” which sounds like the name of a character in a badly translated anime), The woman’s costume is boring as well as skin-tight, the oversized gun looks quickly doodled, and the “futuristic” cityscape is pretty paint-by-the-numbers. (They haven’t even bothered to give actual names to the local establishments, simply calling them “bar”, “music”, and “live music”. Welcome to Generic City, folks).

    Also, “the dark side” of Science Fiction and Fantasy? There has been a lot of very grim and downright horrific science fiction and fantasy tales over the years, but I somehow doubt that’s what they’re talking about here: the cover promises not shuddersome darkness but escapist Bangs and Boobs.

  15. Anna T. Says:

    Anyone else think her left arm is a bit undersized, even with perspective?

    And she also looks rather concerned at the prospect of being on this cover, almost like she knows what kind of book it is and would rather avoid that fate.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @BruceAM—My French is not much better than my Latin, but I think the way the adjectives and the nouns go, you flip them when translating to English. So, for example, “femme fatale” translates to “fatal woman,” not “woman fatal.” This one would translate to “Fatal Black” (or “Fatal Noir” since the French use the word “noir”—invented it in fact—to refer to the noir genre, not the literal color), not “Black Fatal.” However you translate it, I agree it sounds like a bad anime title. I also like your “Generic City” label. Somewhere in the background there is probably a building with a sign saying “Building” hanging from it.

  17. Hammy Says:

    @Bruce (14) and B. C. (16):

    “Generic CIty” is right! Heck, even the Batman TV show from the ’60s, as campy as it was, was better.

    Where else can you find “secret entrance to the Batcave” signs?

  18. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @B. Chiclitz: that’s what I get for posting when I haven’t had caffeine yet. Also, that’s some very fine use of Shakespeare. GSS.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Dear BAEN!badonkadonk of underage overarmed catsuit gynoid:

    How much would *you* pay *me* to take this piece of crap off your hands?

    A cover that manages to be dull despite having the ever-popular boobs-butt-broken back pose of an underage woman with a overly-large handgun. Edited by the guy who started the whole Puppy debacle that backfired against him and his publisher.

    Font problems, dull background, no editing, some crap writers.

    Generic Extruded SF Product For Semi-Illiterates, taking place in the Generic City of the future. Looks like the work of a drop-out of UAI.

    @Bruce: I agree with every word of your comment. Perfectly stated. GSS. This cover’s more “Gris” than “Noir”.

    @Anna T: her left arm is definitely wrong. Maybe the right one’s hypertrophied thanks to hoisting the gun, though it looks like it’s made out of hollow plastic. But she doesn’t have a holster to store it in, so holding it all the time maybe builds bulk.

    And her boob has got to be an extremely improbable (and not at all sexy) shape, at a very odd angle. Maybe she’s actually flat-chested and is storing something in her generic catsuit front?

    @BC: I’m insulted on Shakespeare’s behalf, but good choice.

    @MakkaPakka’s quote means “Butt, gratuitous butt”.

    @Tag W: also completely correct. They freely admit that they don’t bother with continuity, grammar, and spelling check since, and I quote their head “editor”: Our audience doesn’t care about any of that.

  20. Tag Wizard Says:

    @GSSxN – Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TW: Still too soon for that joke. 🙂

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