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Feb 26

I found this child all by myself! Get your own!Click for full image

Gwad Darn it, we know from experience realism sells! If you haven’t got some models to pose for you in costume it’s just not going to sell. We’ll grab their attention with a kid hiding behind a sword fighters cape. Then we can make it shiny…

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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14 Responses to “This Scepter’d Isle”

  1. CSA Says:

    It’s clearly a bad cover and i doubt many would strongly disagree. But its also just so dull i cant think of anything witty to say. Even with the huge glowing font and and cheesy figures it might aswell be wrapped in 70’s wallpaper. If your gonna make a cheesy cover you’ve gotta go all out from the bell, this cover is what happens when there is confusion whether they want a cheesefest cover or a plain cover so they ended up with this…. aaaaaah *yawn* , wheres my coffee?, cover.

  2. Simon Says:

    Manages to be dull while also being almost heroically camp.

  3. James Lovegrove Says:

    Cowering elves! Why do more books not come with cowering elves on the cover?

    Or is that just in fact, as the scroll-over line suggests, a very frightened small child? Could this book in fact be a fantasy misery memoir? Please Daddy, Don’t Hurt Me With Your Robin Hood Hat And Your Rapier. A Child Called It (Except No Character In Fantasy Has A Name That Short). A Million Little Pieces (Which Need To Be Discovered On A Quest And Then Assembled Into A Weapon With Which To Defeat The Dark Lord).

  4. Adam Roberts Says:

    Please Gandalf, Don’t Hurt Me.
    A Child Called Ys
    Aragorn’s Ashes

  5. Nix Says:

    This, from the same people who brought us _Jim Baen’s Universe_… I wonder if they’re overcompensating?

  6. Captain Scepter Says:

    I’m going to show her my scepter tonight. And by the scepter I mean my penis.

  7. CSA Says:

    And by her, you mean Inflatable Ingrid?

  8. Captain Scepter Says:

    I was making a reference to the obscure Internet series “Doctor Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog.” You know, by that unknown producer Joss Whedon.

  9. CSA Says:

    And i was making a reference to the not so obscure British TV series Red Dwarf.

    Damn i’ve been saying “and by XXXX, i mean my penis” since i was twelve. Can’t believe some no name yank is making money off my joke. ppssshhhh

  10. Nix Says:

    CSA, Captain, you’ve been trounced by James Branch Cabell, who did this at book length in _Jurgen: A Comedy of Justice_, and fought an obscenity case in the 20s, and (astoundingly) actually managed to win despite the entire subject matter of the book being obscene, because it was obscenity via double entendres. In chapter 37 he meets a lovely vampire in Hell. The vampire is much taken with him:

    So Florimel extinguished the candle, with a good-will that delighted
    Jurgen. And now they were in utter darkness, and in the dark nobody
    can see what is happening. But that Florimel now trusted Jurgen and
    his Noumarian claims was evinced by her very first remark.

    “I was in the beginning suspicious of your majesty,” said Florimel,
    “because I had always heard that every emperor carried a magnificent
    sceptre, and you then displayed nothing of the sort. But now,
    somehow, I do not doubt you any longer. […]”

    I am fairly sure that one of our regulars in particular has seen it (because it’s influential and he’s read everything ever published in English except for the things he hasn’t).

    btw, Adam, I just read _I Am Scrooge_ on a whim, hilarious stuff if you hate zombie stories as fiercely as I do. I hope you didn’t exhaust your pun reserves on it though; I suspect you used half the global supply.

    I’d submit the cover here, but I’m unsure if a cover that’s *intentionally* awful right down to fake bloodstains and faux fire damage counts as awful or wonderful.

  11. CSA Says:

    haha fair enough! Good research.

    btw i actually really like the cover for I Am Scrooge, i couldn’t think of a more appropriate cover for it. I think parody books really need a certain amount of cheese, but you have to admit even with the blood etc its got a certain amount of style too. Its certainly not a Terry Pratchett cover.

    There certainly was a tremendous amount of pun on pun action. And by pun, i mean penis. wait, no, i was right the first time.

  12. Adam Roberts Says:

    CSA: Glad you enjoyed it! Or at least, that you punjoyed it.

  13. Jaouad Says:

    So has anyone here read anything else by Mercedes Roberta and Lackey Gellis?

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’m guessing this was one of those BAEN! covers that was so shiny silver that it looks black on camera? Maybe there was something more interesting hidden?

    googles.

    Nope. Faux-Robin and the kid from Home Alone (no wonder he stayed home after this) are standing in a corner of drystone walls, and the sword is pointed at some flames barely coming out from the right-hand side of the cover, with some random fog on the ground. All in shades of gray. And I cannot describe how odd Blue Boy’s trousers look.

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