Apr 22
Click for full imageHarry Comments: According to the author, this cover was commissioned for another book but somehow ended up on hers. It’s very loosely appropriate: there is a sword, and there is a hero, but he is quite explicitly gay.
Superb! Thanks Harry!
(Average: 7.83 out of 10)
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April 22nd, 2010 at 10:27 am
Ah, one-armed stump-handed woman! Come out of my dreams and into my life!
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:05 am
That is FANTASTIC. End of. I’m in love.
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:11 am
Holy smokes – is that real? Her arm is very very very long indeed.
Also, I totally get this cover. It’s simply, the best, ever.
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:20 am
What kinda scares me about this one is, when I was young I had a friend with some strange parents. They used to have the strangest art around the house, this kinda reminds me of one they had in their hallway.
Simon> When is your birthday? haha We’ll get this in poster form to put in yer bedroom! 😉
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:35 am
You were friends with one of Saddam Hussein’s children?
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:35 am
Synopsis: but what if He-man actually was Skeletor????
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:54 am
We know where her right stump is. But where’s the left one gone? The man’s grimacing expression might provide a clue.
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Simon> Touche! But it really was that type of scary stuff! Lots of ass cracks and leather. *shudders* I am glad they moved away.
James> Sorry to spoil your strange fantasies. But her hand can be seen gripping his left thigh. It did make me a little sad to notice though.
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:10 pm
ah, but where is her third arm, wink-wink nudge-nudge if you know what i mean?
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:34 pm
No CSA… I’m not sure what you mean. Could you clarify?
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:40 pm
I feel moved to try and top Lovegrove’s grossness by asking: what is making his cloak billow so dramatically away from his backparts? Is it related to that noxious cloud of green gas?
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Also, I agree with everybody else. This cover is awesome. Good show sir!
April 22nd, 2010 at 2:38 pm
So, in the future women will wear invisible clothing (but not the men).
Imagine the book covers if it were the other way around…
April 22nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Exactly ARYngve! I guess showing a side testicle just isn’t the same as boobs.
April 22nd, 2010 at 3:53 pm
>SI: You’re right. I thought that was just some hideous goitre-like growth on his thigh. But have you noticed, her right arm is disproportionately long, almost as if it can extrude bendily like Mr Fantastic’s. Meaning her left elbow could still be doing something else. I know, I know, bit of a “stretch”, ha ha, but allow an old man his fantasies.
April 22nd, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Artist’s thoughts:
“If only there were a way I could combine my love of Boris Vallejo’s style, Michael Moorcock’s imagery, and the pole dancers at the club where I blow my paychecks.”
April 22nd, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Let’s see, The tight bodied blond has her left arm threaded through his grion, the other on his chest and into his clothes. She is naked and golden at his feet…and his eyes are turned…skyward????
Harry is right, quite explicitly gay
April 22nd, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Actually, I’ve read that book close to 20 years ago.
From what I remember it was a pretty good fantasy novel.
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:35 pm
It’s actually a good fantasy book. but what if He-man actually was Skeletor????- This is really hilarious.
April 23rd, 2010 at 4:01 am
Does anyone know who the artist is?
I’ve ruled out Geoff Taylor and Susan S. Collins who illustrated different editions.
April 24th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Isn’t there a 80’s metal album around with a strikingly similar cover?
Anyway: 11 out of 10 points for cheesy fantasy erotica!
April 24th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I’ve seen that before — on the cover of a heavy metal album from 1985 (Canadian band called Exciter, “Long Live the Loud”). Just checked my copy: the artist is listed as Alan Craddock.
April 24th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Wow good find guys!
google “Alan Craddock” and “door into fire” together returns only 8 hits! But it seems legit all the same. woohoo, tag added.
Does 80s metal have any more excuse for awful covers than 80s fantasy books? I say no.
April 26th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Actually, Herewiss is explicitly bisexual, not gay. Just to be picky. 🙂
April 30th, 2010 at 7:52 am
ROCK. VAN. Must be airbrushed on someone’s ’70s Econoline.
June 27th, 2011 at 10:45 am
I found my way here thanks to the newly resurrected LENS FLARE tag. But isn’t that really a TING! ? Or maybe it’s both.
January 19th, 2014 at 9:47 am
If I saw some teenager reading a book with this cover, I’d spontaneously cry like He-Man transforming: “I BOUGHT THIS BOOK FOR THE COVERRRR!!”
October 1st, 2015 at 1:34 am
‘A bat is trying to swallow my head! Quickly, wench, toss up your magnesium flare, that we might dazzle it into submission!’
October 1st, 2015 at 3:53 am
“What he sought lay beyond Human reach –
but there were Others ready to help him.”
… so this guy obviously has an inaccessible itch on the side of his neck (excessively muscular arms aren’t good for bending), requiring the assistance of a long-armed beauty to give him a jolly good scratch. I imagine he’s saying “Oh yeah, that’s the spot!”
January 13th, 2016 at 11:45 pm
The woman doesn’t appear to be lamenting much.
January 14th, 2016 at 9:53 am
Isn’t this a Duran Duran song?