Jul 29

The real lynx effect....Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this is a Celtic fantasy, so obviously we want a buff surfer dude who is spaced out of his gourd. What? I dunno, put him in a kilt or something. You figure it out, that’s what you’re paid for isn’t it? Anyhow, magic it up. Slap a shiny silver border on with the author’s name in a clashing red font to distract suspicious readers. Anyhoo, I gotta jet, it’s 4:20.
Published 1993

Many thanks to Tom!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.73 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “The Paradise War”

  1. cutmanmike Says:

    Your BO has to be pretty damn immense if it’s visible and forms the shape of a sleeping old man

  2. SI Says:

    Took me a while to figure out what the book title was and what the name of the series was. I got it wrong first time.

    Imagine going to a ceilidh dressed like that… you would be legendary!

  3. SI Says:

    Oh… And possibly… thrown out…

  4. Adam Roberts Says:

    Originally titled: I Can Fart Out Of My Pecs!

  5. Brian B Says:

    Ah, I notice this guy has a pullet (perm-mullet). He must use some pretty awesome hair product to keep his manly curls in that sauna. On another note, don’t you hate when you go the sauna and all they have for a towel is a kilt and there is a creepy old guy in there trying to look up it?

  6. Brian B Says:

    Here is the other pullet I was thinking of; these guys must use the same stylist.

  7. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I assume that editors try to make heroic images which the readers, the target audience, want to identify with.

    So the target audience in this case may be:

    A) Unemployed 80s rock bands;

    B) Stoners.

    C) Ice hockey players

  8. SophaLoaf Says:

    Wow these Lawhead books! I know know who they might me marketed to… (Grrrrrrowl!)

  9. Kathleen Says:

    so he trades his kilt for a silver hand? whom among us would not choose the same

  10. Tom Noir Says:

    @Kathleen: Let he who is without kilt cast the first stone!

  11. JoshG Says:

    He’s sprung a leak and is starting to deflate!

  12. Don Draper's Blood Alcohol Level Says:

    Centaurs with mini-centaur hands are underrepresented in this cover. Does Mark Wahlberg know his image has been used?

  13. Don Hilliard Says:

    The torporous expression and the light sheen of sweat on kilt-boy might suggest the answer to the classic question, “Do you smoke after sex?”

    MIGHT. Were it not for the slumbering old geezer in the corner. That way lies madness.

  14. e.lee Says:

    Vicks Vapour Rub Even Revives Stone Dead Wizards!

  15. anon Says:

    “Doctor, you gotta help me! My chest leaks! It looks a bit like water and it contains this old geezer! Passed-out from drinking!”
    “How could you possibly know that?”
    “He has a red nose!”
    “Tell you what, lay off the wacky tobaccy for a week and let’s see if the problem persists.”

  16. Tom Noir Says:

    I just like this because it’s such a vivid illustration of ‘old person smell’.

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Welcome to Ink Exchange, young man. What can we do for you today?’

    ‘Well, I’d like some doodles all over my arms that don’t look really that Celtic when you look at them…and one on my pectorals so it makes my right manboob seem to be casting shadow and twice any normal human size…and maybe one here, by my naughty bits…but don’t make them to clear. And leave lots and lots and lots of space in between them.’

    ‘All right, young fellow. Step over here by the quartz crystals and Old Man Butler will get started on you.’

    ‘Ah, isn’t he rather…dead…at the moment?’

    ‘He tattoos with the power of his mind, young fellow. The power of the mind, and vaguely avian clouds.’


  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The kid from On Wings of Song hunked out!

  19. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Tonight on 60 Minutes, we blow the lid off the steroid industry. We’re naming names, and the shocking truth comes out: Steroids are just so much hot air.”

  20. GSS noob Says:

    Old fellow’s crotch connected to buff young’un’s chest through a stream of white. Uh-huh. That’ll cost you, even in San Francisco.

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