Aug 18
Click for full imagePictures cannot describe the shine I want on this cover. Eyes will turn and minds will be altered. I want… NO… I need a guy floating in the air in the ol’ Jesus cross pose having left behind a dimensional portal. Have some dude popping out only to find a sexy women in knee highs and a tight leather dress. It’s just like those magic shows……
(Average: 8.41 out of 10)
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August 18th, 2009 at 10:02 am
These covers are truly genius! Just wish the camera could pick up the awful shine chrome that dwells on it’s cover.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:18 am
thats an awesome cover. Id read it on a train just to blind people who dare to look at it. Between that cover and my shiny head i think i could melt steel with the light.
I think thats the same dude coming out of the portal as the one in the jesus pose.
theres so much to say about this one… the font on the title looks like it was done in a primary school art class on perspective.
the shine, the blue nimbus light arround everything, the shine.
the scantily dressed woman calmy watching jesus and time travel jesus,
and did i mention the shine?
also, maybe its just me but the guy looks disturbingly like the main dude from “Sliders”. and with the portal thing there… i smell a copyright infringment.
im gonna give it a 9/10 just cause its a hodgepodge of crap art stuck on a piece of tinfoil
August 18th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Hi.
I was directed to your website via The Grauniad.
I laughed and laughed.
As a long time reader of SFF, I’m sure I’ve got more than a couple on my bookshelves. I will do some digging.
August 18th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Hey Roses!
Thanks for visiting, laughing and leaving a comment 🙂
Any terrible covers you have will be a welcome addition to the collection we have going here.
August 20th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
The guy floating in the air seems to have tiny legs, although the legs of his clone coming out of the portal are normal sized. Also the clone seems to have a too short left arm although it’s difficult to tell because the arm is contorted into a bizarre shape like it’s either broken or he’s doing a “walk like an Egyptian” pose.
August 20th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Good insight! 😀 The legs are small… but on even closer inspection have I just noticed… are they both wearing some sort of body armour that has shoulder pads?
It is really hard to take pictures of these books because of the chrome shine they have.
August 20th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
haha nice observations! the arm in particular is totally freaky… sometimes with the truely great covers you miss the fine details that set them apart from the rest of pack.
May 15th, 2010 at 8:06 am
“When A&E cancelled his television show ‘Mindfreak’, Criss Angel was forced to seek work in other media. Alas, his was a small and focused skill set.”
February 28th, 2014 at 5:21 pm
So let’s see… we have a girl in a leather dress, sitting on the side of a swimming pool (as one does). A portal has opened in the side of the swimming pool and a chap with a gun and an outfit that is going to be VERY uncomfortable when wet is stepping out of it. But even as he does so, ANOTHER portal opens on top of that portal, only this one is shaped like the cross-shaped chap who is popping out of it.
The whole thing is back-lit in a rather implausible manner.
Brilliant, or sheer genius? YOU DECIDE.
March 1st, 2014 at 8:53 am
ARSEONANCE
Nailed it…!
August 25th, 2015 at 3:57 am
I think the reason for Guy on Left’s odd arm position is because he’s coming out of a portal and his arm’s braced against it. But yeah, Anatomical Issues up the wazoo. And the Jesus pose cracks me up.
May 29th, 2018 at 6:01 am
Can we get an “oh so shiny” here?
And what’s portal guy got on his right hand?
Is neo-Jesus casting a shiny glowing shadow of himself onto portal guy?
Scantily clad girl is looking bored for good reason.
April 17th, 2020 at 6:30 am
I only needed to see the title to ID the publisher.
And in the past 2 years, I’d somehow mercifully forgotten ever seeing this.
April 17th, 2020 at 6:43 am
“peel off Jesus-pose sticker to access next dimension. Please note contents of other dimension may settle in transit.”
April 17th, 2020 at 10:08 am
“Oh there seems to be some sort of portal in the shape of a man doing a entertaining cross pose… I should definitely walk through.”
April 17th, 2020 at 10:55 am
You’ve heard the phrase “Christ on a bike”, well, this is “Christ is a pogo stick”.
April 17th, 2020 at 12:42 pm
Looks like one of those wacky plot devices used to build a Jim Carrey movie
around.
‘I don’t care if it rains or freezes long as I have my leather Jesus hovering above the curb where hookers roam.’
April 17th, 2020 at 4:29 pm
All this time and nobody’s made the obvious Dale Winton joke.
I could explain, but I’ll let Harry do it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qROI-rWXWHY
April 17th, 2020 at 10:45 pm
If the hooker had a thought bubble, it would say “Christ. Not another one of him.”
@fred: GSS! It even scans!
@Tat: Half of us are American and so it’s not obvious to us.
Your memory for obscure-ish British comedy bits and the ability to find them on YouTube is:
a. amazing*
b. frightening
c. both a and b
That one’s absolutely spot on, with the pool, portal and the shiny.
*Or astounding, but those are two different magazines
April 18th, 2020 at 1:01 am
Or try the Japanese original, and be sure to turn on the closed captions for extra amusement.
https://youtu.be/6DYJXSSgW08
April 18th, 2020 at 3:16 am
I think that idea also came to the US — I vaguely remember seeing some ads.
I wonder if this cover artist ever saw one of these shows.
April 18th, 2020 at 4:45 am
The cover is puzzling, but not in a good way: by the looks of it, it involves alternate universes and travel between them, a genre I have some interest in, but in the cover is a bit of a turn-off. The question “why is one version of the chap coming through the portal levitating dimensional-hole rapturous Jesus” makes me think, not “I am intrigued”, but “this is going to be stupid, isn’t it?”
The woman also looks uninterested, like she’s seen her share of interdimensional travelers and she’s not impressed. “Great. Being a companion to the Colin Baker Who would be better than this.” OTOH, it may be that she’s looking at us rather than the guy coming out of the dimensional hole: “Hey folks! Look at my outfit: maybe this book will have a sex scene! Buy Baen.”
Not sure if it’s a swimming pool or an underground byzantine cistern: it has a bit of a “ancient and ruinous” look to it in the larger version. (Of course, that may be the case with a lot of public pools today. Don’t go to them myself: all those little kids with weak bladder control. Brrr.)
April 18th, 2020 at 5:07 am
@Bruce: Or for short: “Why are the alternate universes so boring and tacky?”
I probably wouldn’t have looked at it long enough to wonder “and why is the bimbo so bored?”
Think you might be right about the cistern.
Also, what is/was “Infinity Plus” other than an oxymoron? This cover certainly doesn’t promise a “romp”.
And is the guy wearing a jumpsuit?
April 18th, 2020 at 5:20 am
@GSS: the guy shops at “Ugly-ass Supposedly Futuristic Outfits, Inc.”, a firm which has in been in business since the 1930s, at least. It adds to the impression of tackyness.
Infinity Plus: they sell books I think? Also they have online SF reviews and free stuff to read. I’m willing to give them a pass on their name if we’re not going to call Buzz Lightyear on his “Beyond Infinity” nonsense.
April 19th, 2020 at 9:54 pm
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Gordon-Lewitt! That’s a shiny cover!
April 19th, 2020 at 9:57 pm
Buzz is a toy who thinks he’s real. (And is actually fictional)
So I’m less impressed by “Infinity Plus”, which presumably consists of really-existing adult humans.
Jumpsuits must be a standard item at “U-aSFO, Inc.” judging by how often they appear. A cheap bestseller.