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Mar 06

Hooooowwww MUCHHHHH isssss that....DOOOOOOGGGGGGGGG innnn the WINNNNNIINNNNINNNNNNIINDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW! Oh yeah!Click for full image

Rusty Comments: How one can tell a true hero from a common man is by whether his shirt disintegrates in an alluring yet ferocious manner at the drop of the hat.
Published 2011

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.60 out of 10)
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41 Responses to “Carnelians”

  1. Phil Says:

    Not sure if he’s a singer or a sword swallower from that pose.

    The only part of that cover that might, just might, lead me to take a look inside the covers is the claim that this is by a Nebula-winning author. Everything else about it says “run for your lives!”

    (I note, however, that it doesn’t say “Nebula award-winning BOOK”.)

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    He’s really having a good look at that microphone before he uses it, isn’t he?

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I don’t know. It puts a smile on my face. It’s ever so Baroque, bright lights and silly star fonts. And I can’t help imagining the soloist bouncing up and down on his stage like it’s a huge springboard, and then flying PHWOOM! off into low orbit.

  4. Hep C Says:

    Words fail me. Seriously. There’s so much of everything, and so much brilliance in everything, that I don’t know where to start. There’s not even a single thing that would make this better. Good show.

  5. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    He looks like he’s just been punched in the kidneys.

    I have a companion to that book I’ve been considering sending in, and now I think I had better.

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The Skolian Empire — home of the brave, land of the inadequately shirted!

  7. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Wait, wait… does the cover state that this is an IMAGE of a Nebula Award-winning author?? Who???

  8. Yoss Says:

    I know that’s probably supposed to be part of his shredded shirt. And yet, for the sake of another rich layer of the ridiculous, I really want to believe that he’s actually wearing a lime green thong.

  9. Joachim Says:

    God, looks like a bad still from an 80s film….

  10. fred Says:

    A hand-mic with a built in tripod. Why?

  11. drlemaster Says:

    All it needs is a Ting! on the microphone, or maybe on his smile.

  12. Phil Says:

    Hey, what gives? Here’s another version of the same cover which has subtly different views of the face close-ups and microphone poses:

    http://en.risingshadow.net/library?action=book&book_id=32632

    It been sort-of airbrushed, as if the rockstar excesses of the original are too raunchy.

  13. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    @Phil: Interesting!

    There’s a bigger image of that cover here:
    http://library.risingshadow.net/images/books/32632.jpg

    I’m not sure, but I think the cover you found is a mock-up. It has a more sketchy look, less polished, a little more collaged, the way computer-generated preliminary sketches can be. Also it’s cover art, not a physical cover — perfect, perfectly rectangle, no sense of paper or fingerprints, and there’s no sign of blurb or price or any of the other little extras that say final cover. Another clue is that its composition is nearly identical to this one, but there are some important differences. The scars on the back are rather more jarring, and, well, I can understand why they turned the figure’s faces towards us in the “final” art. The one here that Rusty submitted may have a bit of a “Dagwood about to eat a big sandwich” vibe, but in the other version from risingshadow, all three faces are turned away from the viewer, lacking in emotional connection, blank, even.

  14. Yoss Says:

    ^^Whoa! That made me go back and take a closer look at the face. That’s no rock concert. That’s a rowdy Scientology convention led by none other than Mr. Tom Cruise!

  15. SI Says:

    “And… AHHHHHHHHH! My back just locked! Medic! MEDIC!”

    @THX 1138 – isn’t he!! He’s got an, “ewww… look at the dirt in there” face on! 🙂

  16. Claire Says:

    I think that microphone is actually trying to attack him due to his terrible taste in leotards and he’s desperately trying to stop it going for his throat.

  17. Adam Roberts Says:

    Human all-body sign-language: position #72: THE SWASTIKA.

  18. SI Says:

    Well thank you Adam! Now that I’ve been laughing for 30 minutes, I can finally start my day! Hilarious! Good Show!

  19. Smith Says:

    The Skolian Empire’s Got Talent just wasn’t the same after Simon Cowell left.

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    LOL 😀

  21. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Aaand III-III WWILLL AALWWWAYS LLLLOVE YO-OOO-OOO-UUU…”

    (Too Soon?)

  22. anon Says:

    What a shitty name for a band!

  23. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I have no interesting comments, so I’ll just say: He’s ugly, and probably smells.

  24. nikosal Says:

    But why this microphone has three legs?

  25. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I think, in case he wants to put it down on to a table.

  26. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    What song do you all think would fit the scene most?

    My personal choice is Private Dancer by Tina Turner.

  27. THX 1138 Says:

    @Anti-Sceptic: He’s obviously going for the full Whitney.

  28. Tom Noir Says:

    That poor fellow looks like he’s thrown out his back something fierce.

  29. The Wife Says:

    There’s a very “good” reason why his shirt is shredded and he’s in an improbable pose: this author has branched out into romance! (Yes, it’s true.) These books are apparently considered romantic fantasy/futuristic romance — hence the breakaway shirt. Ms. Asaro was one of the writers on a panel of romance authors that came to town recently. She spent a lot of time talking about how she was considered this GREAT sci-fi writer, but then the readers/publishers were just SO blown away by the romance in her stories that they felt that she should push into that genre as well. Personally, I think they were just trying to pawn her off onto someone else. Gee, thanks, sci-fi people. Like we don’t already have ENOUGH bad romance novel covers! On the other hand, this book cover isn’t NEARLY as horrible as “Ascendant Sun” which has one of the most deformed torsos I’ve seen this side of Fabio.

    –The Wife

  30. Jaouad Says:

    Yep. Oh boy… http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0312868243.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

  31. Rev Says:

    Safety with light sabers. Don’t do what Donny Don’t does.

  32. anon Says:

    @Rev: “I think I see the problem..”

  33. Tat Wood Says:

    And here’s the movie version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LktlUrTTiNw

  34. Bibliomancer Says:

    The big screen on the left looks like he’s taking a shower. The big screen on the right looks like he’s shining a flashlight into his mouth.

  35. fred Says:

    She misspelled ‘Carnalians’.

  36. classicOz Says:

    perhaps this is a warm-up event to the next one: sword swallowing

  37. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Carne Asaro my favorite Mexican dish!

  38. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—and in the middle he looks like he’s trying to stab that planet.

  39. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’ve been saving this one all week.

    Someone, please find this out in the wild.

    https://www.amazon.com/Double-Star-Robert-Heinlein-ebook/dp/B016TSE6OW/

    The Blue Man Group-esque stylings! The random stock art background! The incredibly equivocal blurb!

  40. A.R.Yngve Says:

    This always happens: Fame gets to a guy’s head, and he suddenly thinks he should be a pop star.

    John Oliver, let this cover be a warning. You are NOT pop star material.

  41. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I
    I will be Wizard
    And you
    You will be admin
    Though nothing will need a space sheep
    We can eat gyros, just for one day
    We can eat lamb, just for one day…

    Ah, David, you left this planet & went home too soon…

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