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Apr 05

Here we are again! It’s been a while for the old honourable mentions but it’s come to that time of year when a can of irn-bru and chocolate is considered an acceptable breakfast!

So if you are having a weekend off I hope you enjoy it and if not… well enjoy these covers that don’t quite make our high standards but we think deserve a special mention.

Have fun!

You don't want to see the new jedi order... It ain't pretty!Click for full image

Good Show Sir Comments: I love Mark Hamill’s pose on this one. It’s got that, “Why are you drawing me?” Look.

Holy Crap Kid, that was one hell of a wind machine!Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Well I like these three drawings you’ve done. I know! Lets just put them all together on the cover.

Anyone remember the film Critters?Click for full image

Matthew’s Art Direction: I want the scariest-looking monster that you can think of on the front!

This is my mother. We're very close. Isn't she sweet? And the best thing about her is: she can really take a punch. - What's Up Tiger LilyClick for full image

Stripey Baz Comments: I’m no purveyor of romance novels or indeed Norwegian literature, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not a good thing to have a mutton-chopped blaggard slap a fair maiden across her face. Given the angle that he’s standing at, his body must have twisted like one of those plastic toy action figures…

 

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.24 out of 10)
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35 Responses to “Honourable Mentions 9”

  1. Skuds Sister Says:

    I’m particularly worried that the small child on the Scandi romance appears to be channelling Macauley Culkin a la Home Alone….

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I simply adore the cover of Citadel of Chaos #2. I would probably approach strangers on the bus to show them I was reading something so silly.

    The fuzzy fellow must be the local estate agent. ‘Sixteen beds, 12 1/2 baths, great views, no neighbors to speak of, no lawn to trim, and the orthodontist is just down the hill. The barbaric horde’s lease runs up at the end of next month, or we can negotiate a sub-let.’

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    According to Wikipedia, Sonnavind is set in the early 1900s and is a 44 volume romance (?) series about factory workers. Looking at the picture, I conjecture they manufacture either fine wood furniture or hands.

    79 kroner? For a romance novel? You think I’m made of money?

  4. BornAgainHeretic Says:

    To be fair, Zahn’s texts are just as rubbish as the illustrations which happen to ‘grace’ his book covers. 😉 XD

  5. L.B. Says:

    In the second Star Wars book… If I was practicing my light saber technique in front of a wall-sized pic of Solo and Skywalker, I’d wonder why Solo looked so stunned. Unless the pic was really a wall-sized screen and they were spying on me… either way, it would seem a little creepy.

  6. THX 1138 Says:

    The Citadel of Chaos seemed a lot bigger when you played the book. How did they fit all those monsters marching out of it inside?

    Is “Sonnavind” a swear word?

  7. THX 1138 Says:

    Also, is the lizardman on the first one yelling “Lazuliiiii!!!”? Or is someone getting their space operas mixed up?

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    Sonnavind cover. You say he’s just slapped her. I say he’s lining up a Miss-Piggy-style karate chop, and she’s flinching in anticipation. Who’s to say who’s right?

  9. Yoss Says:

    Check out the digits on Sonnavind guy’s slapping hand. Assuming those things are articulated and not joined into some kind of flipper, I bet he can give the one finger salute like nobody’s business.

  10. fred Says:

    Did that little kid wander in from a Midwich Cuckoos cover? And are the rockers on that rocking chair like 6 ft long?

  11. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    The kid on Sonnavind looks about 15 months old, by proportion. Also, what is that woman wearing? It looks like a nightgown, not anything Victorian.

    As for “Star Wars: Vision of the Future,” I don’t remember Han Solo’s hair being that … fluffy. Is he standing on a Van de Graaff generator?

    Ans jeepers, on that first book I thought that was the Emperor, not Luke Skywalker.

    And — sigh. I like Steve Jackson (I’ve been playing Steve Jackson games for thirty years). That cover, not so much.

  12. GDwarf Says:

    @Adam Roberts: Exactly. I can’t help but think that the man is about to yell “Judo Chop!”

  13. GDwarf Says:

    Either that or he’s the world’s most be-jowled vampire, who forgot to wear his cape today but keeps trying to wrap it round himself out of habit.

  14. Jane Says:

    Mutton-chop Man isn’t striking the woman–he is shrieking in horror, having suddenly realized that his upper right arm has shrunken to about half it’s natural length.

  15. Jaouad Says:

    “Bloody hell, guys, this is cover #36 in the damn series. Even I run out of good ideas at some point, okay?”

  16. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    “I just wanted to paint historical Norwegian interior design. Is that so wrong?”

  17. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    GDwarf I think you’re right. I can see it now:

    “Two….I count two boobies! Ah, ah, ah, ah….”

  18. GreenGestalt Says:

    “Citadel of Chaos” kicks rear… Though IMO the Corben cover from the American version rocked!

  19. B. Chiclitz Says:

    3. Never follow anybody wearing a puffin brooch into battle.

  20. Bruce A Munro Says:

    1. The “before” and “after” pictures really remind us of how far Mark Hamill has come since his accident.

    2. He’s seeing the refrigerator scene.

    3. “…and after the beer budget, this is what we have left to hire a cover illustrator.”

    4. @Jane: could be. Or perhaps he’s yelling: “mock my tiny upper arm, will you? It can still swing my flipper-hand most mightily!”

  21. fred Says:

    4. Little known fact. The Karate Kid is adapted from an obscure Ibsen play.

  22. JuanPaul Says:

    1. Side effect of the force: nasty migraines.

    2. Luke just took a hit from his new blaster bong attachment.

    3. Please tell me there is a metal band out there called “Citadel of Chaos”.

    4. As uncomfortable as I am making jokes about domestic abuse, here goes: “No, dad!! When i said I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, it was just a Christmas song! It’s because I can’t sing for shit it sounded like statement…waaaaahhh!”

  23. Bibliomancer Says:

    Sonnavind must be based on Ibsen. In this scene Peer Gynt is slapping Hedda Gabler inside the Doll’s House.

  24. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Excerpt from SØNNAVIND – Avskjed, Chapter 2:

    “Hilda! What is that møøse døing in øur høme?”
    “It is the ønly memøry I have left øf my høme village, Ølaf. Please let me keep it!”
    “Nø! Yøu are mine nøw, Hilda! And yøu shall øbey me!”
    In a rage, Ølaf slapped Hilda – just as her søn from her previøus marriage entered.
    “Stepfather, what are yøu døing tø Møther?”
    “Gø tø yøur røøm, Sven! This døes nøt cøncern yøu. And yøu shall call me ‘Father’!”
    “Nø! Yøu are nøt my real father!”
    “Why, yøu little…!”
    Then Hilda had had enøugh. She unleased the møøse.
    “Kill, Jørgen! Kill Ølaf!”
    “Keep that mad møøse away frøm me! NØØØ!”
    And in the next møment, Hilda’s unhappy marriage came tø a tragic end.

  25. Tor Mented Says:

    The Critter in “Citadel of Chaos” must be frightened. Notice that his heart is in his mouth.

  26. Anna T. Says:

    Does anyone else find Han’s expression on Vision of the Future inherently hilarious? I mean, just LOOK at his googly-eyes and dumbstruck look!

  27. Ray P Says:

    @Bibliomancer Where’s the Wild Duck?

  28. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Anna T—Maybe he’s reacting to the smugness/jaunty hip of tiny Princess Light Saber.

  29. Tat Wood Says:

    1. New Jedi Order. They used to be Joy Jedi Division, didn’t they? I loved that song of theirs Blue Jedi Monday.

    2.Vicki Lawrence as a Jedi.

    3. The thumb of the person holding the book is in the position you needed to have it to keep five different pages open at once when playing/reading it. What we can’t see is the fingers in a gnarled Vulcan salute familiar to Choose Your Own Adventure devotees.

    4. ‘Mummy, Daddy, please don’t disco-dance!”

  30. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Ray P—”Wild duck” is the advice Macauley Culkin is shouting to Hedda to help her avoid the impending blow from Peer Gynt.

  31. Tor Mented Says:

    @BC: I wonder if Peer Gynt is An Enemy of the People.

  32. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Ray P – Peer Gynt has been drinking the Wild Duck. He used to be The Master Builder but his boozing cost him his job. He’s a mean drunk.

  33. Bruce A Munro Says:

    #4: Scene from “Rosmersholm II: the curse of Rosmersholm.” Will little Aksel be able to use the “Shinning” to save his ma, or will another couple be destroyed by the mansion’s curse??? Will Peer Gynt be seduced by the troll woman in the cow outfit?? Will an avalanche randomly kill everyone???

  34. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @TorM—I think he’s a Senator from Alabama.

    @Bibliomancer— 😉

  35. GSS ex-noob Says:

    IMHO, a can of Irn-Bru and a chocolate bar is always an acceptable breakfast.

    1. Wow, Luke looks worse on that cover than he did in “The Last Jedi”.

    2. Harrison Ford sez “You want me to do what?”

    3. I see UAI’s using their summer camp contest winners.

    4. He might have broken her neck as well as twisted himself permanently. No wonder the tot looks so alarmed. Hey, maybe it is SF and he’s an evil robot. That’d explain his action-figure moves and odd hands.

    @Bruce: GSS! for all comments.

    @ARY: Thanks so much for the translation. Everything’s improved by møøse. Although I don’t think it’s a tragic end — just poetic justice, and good for Hilda and Sven.

    @RayP: I agree with @B’mancer that Ølaf/Peer drank the Wild Duck (beer or wine, or maybe the Cold Duck) and that’s why he got all slappy. Either that or Hilda burnt the wild duck dinner so ditto.

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