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Apr 26

No come back! Our hair looks amazing in front of this white hole of nothing!

Alessandra Comments: This is one of those subtly wrong covers. What’s up with the faces? And looking closer, the anatomy. His eyes are oddly round and oddly placed, a little too close together and a little too skewed to our right. Her right eye (on our left) is too low, giving her an odd one-eyed (or in the right light, three-eyed) look. Not a cover that screams its wrongness, but still eye-watering when you look closely.
Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.83 out of 10)
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29 Responses to “The Seren Cenacles”

  1. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Let’s be fair. The cover art is better than when the book was called The Seven Tentacles.

    I conclude that the title’s arch is because it’s being sucked into that enormous jet engine intake behind the lady.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    “I’m not letting you go out in those dungarees!”

  3. Tom Noir Says:

    What is a “Seren Cenacle”? Is this another one of those Polish translations?

    Also, the placement of the title makes no sense. If they had it so that it looked like the font was being sucked out of the hole that would be one thing, but it actually looks like it’s being pulled into that pile of unidentifiable junk on the left. Or perhaps that’s a… Cenacle?

  4. Tom Noir Says:

    Also, who is Ralph Mylius and what does he have to do with this?

  5. Phil Says:

    The WHATen WHATacles?

    I’m fairly confident I can correctly pronounce the FIRST word of the title. After that, it’s a mighty struggle. Good way to secure word of mouth on your latest book.

  6. Phil Says:

    P.S. I blame Warren Norwood rather than Ralph Mylius. Norwood’s last book was the ambiguous THE WINDHOVER TAPES. Now, is that WIND HOVER like a helicopter hovers, of WINDH OVER like bowling a maiden over?

  7. Jon Says:

    A Chilling Novel of Alien Terror By Warren Norwood who wrote this really awesome series you should go check out right now! Seriously!!

    Oh yeah…and it’s also by this other guy you’ve never heard of, who hasn’t done anything of note.

  8. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    Some other observations I made:

    Her right thumb’s base joint inserts far too low on her wrist, giving her hand a spiky appearance. The muscles on her left forearm are concave rather than convex, and we can’t really tell the spatial relationship between her and the man where she grabs his arm. Her bottom half is disturbingly anatomy-free, and the perspective is confusing, but her legs look appallingly short.

  9. Smith Says:

    Surely the layout here suggests that warren norwood is author of the windhover tapes and of Ralph mylius ie Ralph mylius is a literary creation of Mr norwood.

    And doesn’t Mr Orange Dungarees look like the bloke out of Medium?

    I also then noted how uncomfortably tight her Buck Rogers style jumpsuit looks in the downtown area. I trust his aren’t as tight, although that would explain his expression.

  10. Smith Says:

    Hmmm. As for the seren cenacles, perhaps it is meant to be seven tentacles, but the art editor had a speech impediment.

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Smith: my joke, keep your tentacles away from it! 🙂

    On Amazon, Keith Garrett has typed up the back-cover blurb:

    “A mysterious mining disaster hurtles two unlikely lovers into a nightmare of intrigue and terror. Kalissae Boristh-Major, Manager of the protein-mining colony Euphrates, and Bedford Odigal, Free Syndic for the Federation, must battle sabotage and corruption as they race to solve an ancient mystery–the secret that links Bedford’s alien symbiont Issykul to the legendary extraterrestrial race known as the Seren. If they fail, thousands of lives could be lost–and perhaps the future of all humanity.”

    So, it’s not just the title that’s unpronounceable by human tongues, it’s the protagonitsts’ names, too? That bodes ill.

  12. Chris Says:

    Are those guns supposed to be shooting the title out? Because that’s horrible.

  13. fred Says:

    The Seren Cenacles sounds like a character from a campy 60’s Italian sword and sandal movie. Samson and Cenacles vs The Seven Tyrants of Ithaca. And shouldn’t there be a sheep covering up her possibly there but the cover isn’t embiggenable enough to be sure camel toe?

  14. Tom Noir Says:

    @Dead Stuff With Big Teeth:

    Prospective parents take note: baby name GOLD MINE.

    “Oh, little Bedford Odigal? We named him for a character in our favorite book, The Seren Cenacles. He was a Free Syndic for the Federation, you know.”

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    What’s REALLY sad is that the people involved in making this book cover sincerely believed that they were creating something slick and cool

  16. Smith Says:

    @Dead Stuff – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery 🙂

  17. rev Says:

    “What is taking Batman so long?”
    “Umm….Bat Signal?”
    “Check”
    “…..bat symbol?
    “Whoops, my bad”

  18. rev Says:

    The Seven Testicles. Seven? Are you sure??

  19. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I love the tagline “A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror” — it can be used in so many ways:

    THE LOVECRAFT BOOK IN THE FRIDGE
    A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror

    COLD-HEARTED XENOPHOBES
    A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror

    ALL YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL MARKET – And The Entitites Who Profit From It
    A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror

  20. Tat Wood Says:

    AGORAPHOBIC MARTIANS AT IBIZA 1990
    A Chillin’ Novel of Alien Terror

  21. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    COOK-OFF OF THE EXTRATERRESTRIALS
    A Chili Novel of Alien Terror

  22. Tom Noir Says:

    At first I found ‘The Seren Cenacles’ to be a baffling title, but then late one night, after months of pouring over this cover, I realized that the letters could be rearranged to be either ‘See Secret Channel’ or ‘Ten Seance Lechers’ and it all became clear!

    A secret message to the reader had also been smuggled into the title: Lee Resents Chance.
    The title revealed deep truths about the book: Each Scene Relents.
    It pointed to the book’s most poignant moment: The Cleanser Scene.
    It spoke of tragedy: Teens Heel Cancers.
    It unmasked the villain of the piece: A Senescent Lecher.
    It was strangely erotic: Her Lace Sentences. Lances Erect Sheen.

    And at last I truly understood what it was all about: Lance Rents Cheese.

    The Seren Canacles indeed, my friends. The Seren Canacles indeed.

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tom: ah, I see my alien symbiont Aphasia has infected you with spores of the alien race Anagram. Good show, sir!

    Or rather, Wish Goo Rods!

  24. Phil Says:

    Are you SURE he said “The Ceren Cenacles”?

    That’s what it sounded like. Mind you, it WAS a bad line. And he did have a mouth full of soup. And my ears need syringing out. There’s a SLIGHT chance he might have said “seven tentacles,” or something.

    Well, should we check?

  25. anon Says:

    It must be bad handwriting: seven became seren and canticles became cenacles.

    @A.R.Yngve: Because waders are cool.

  26. Ray P Says:

    The Waltons went seriously weird when it did a Battlestar Galactica cross-over story.

  27. Perry Armstrong Says:

    SPACE PAVAROTTI ON ICE PLANET
    A Chilling Novel Of Alien Tenor

  28. lctwice Says:

    Tom Cruise tries desperately to lead werewolf woman away from the artificial satellite before she is forced to complete her transformation.

  29. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Developing: Seren is emerging as one of the hottest baby names of 2017.

    Confirming everyone’s prediction that 2017 was going to be the naff recovery year to 2016’s horror.

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