Apr 26
Alessandra Comments: This is one of those subtly wrong covers. What’s up with the faces? And looking closer, the anatomy. His eyes are oddly round and oddly placed, a little too close together and a little too skewed to our right. Her right eye (on our left) is too low, giving her an odd one-eyed (or in the right light, three-eyed) look. Not a cover that screams its wrongness, but still eye-watering when you look closely.
Published 1983
(Average: 5.73 out of 10)
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April 26th, 2012 at 11:31 am
Let’s be fair. The cover art is better than when the book was called The Seven Tentacles.
I conclude that the title’s arch is because it’s being sucked into that enormous jet engine intake behind the lady.
April 26th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
“I’m not letting you go out in those dungarees!”
April 26th, 2012 at 1:41 pm
What is a “Seren Cenacle”? Is this another one of those Polish translations?
Also, the placement of the title makes no sense. If they had it so that it looked like the font was being sucked out of the hole that would be one thing, but it actually looks like it’s being pulled into that pile of unidentifiable junk on the left. Or perhaps that’s a… Cenacle?
April 26th, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Also, who is Ralph Mylius and what does he have to do with this?
April 26th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
The WHATen WHATacles?
I’m fairly confident I can correctly pronounce the FIRST word of the title. After that, it’s a mighty struggle. Good way to secure word of mouth on your latest book.
April 26th, 2012 at 3:11 pm
P.S. I blame Warren Norwood rather than Ralph Mylius. Norwood’s last book was the ambiguous THE WINDHOVER TAPES. Now, is that WIND HOVER like a helicopter hovers, of WINDH OVER like bowling a maiden over?
April 26th, 2012 at 3:14 pm
A Chilling Novel of Alien Terror By Warren Norwood who wrote this really awesome series you should go check out right now! Seriously!!
Oh yeah…and it’s also by this other guy you’ve never heard of, who hasn’t done anything of note.
April 26th, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Some other observations I made:
Her right thumb’s base joint inserts far too low on her wrist, giving her hand a spiky appearance. The muscles on her left forearm are concave rather than convex, and we can’t really tell the spatial relationship between her and the man where she grabs his arm. Her bottom half is disturbingly anatomy-free, and the perspective is confusing, but her legs look appallingly short.
April 26th, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Surely the layout here suggests that warren norwood is author of the windhover tapes and of Ralph mylius ie Ralph mylius is a literary creation of Mr norwood.
And doesn’t Mr Orange Dungarees look like the bloke out of Medium?
I also then noted how uncomfortably tight her Buck Rogers style jumpsuit looks in the downtown area. I trust his aren’t as tight, although that would explain his expression.
April 26th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Hmmm. As for the seren cenacles, perhaps it is meant to be seven tentacles, but the art editor had a speech impediment.
April 26th, 2012 at 4:46 pm
@Smith: my joke, keep your tentacles away from it! 🙂
On Amazon, Keith Garrett has typed up the back-cover blurb:
“A mysterious mining disaster hurtles two unlikely lovers into a nightmare of intrigue and terror. Kalissae Boristh-Major, Manager of the protein-mining colony Euphrates, and Bedford Odigal, Free Syndic for the Federation, must battle sabotage and corruption as they race to solve an ancient mystery–the secret that links Bedford’s alien symbiont Issykul to the legendary extraterrestrial race known as the Seren. If they fail, thousands of lives could be lost–and perhaps the future of all humanity.”
So, it’s not just the title that’s unpronounceable by human tongues, it’s the protagonitsts’ names, too? That bodes ill.
April 26th, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Are those guns supposed to be shooting the title out? Because that’s horrible.
April 26th, 2012 at 6:42 pm
The Seren Cenacles sounds like a character from a campy 60’s Italian sword and sandal movie. Samson and Cenacles vs The Seven Tyrants of Ithaca. And shouldn’t there be a sheep covering up her possibly there but the cover isn’t embiggenable enough to be sure camel toe?
April 26th, 2012 at 6:47 pm
@Dead Stuff With Big Teeth:
Prospective parents take note: baby name GOLD MINE.
“Oh, little Bedford Odigal? We named him for a character in our favorite book, The Seren Cenacles. He was a Free Syndic for the Federation, you know.”
April 26th, 2012 at 9:01 pm
What’s REALLY sad is that the people involved in making this book cover sincerely believed that they were creating something slick and cool…
April 27th, 2012 at 11:13 am
@Dead Stuff – imitation is the sincerest form of flattery 🙂
February 6th, 2014 at 9:57 am
“What is taking Batman so long?”
“Umm….Bat Signal?”
“Check”
“…..bat symbol?
“Whoops, my bad”
February 6th, 2014 at 1:44 pm
The Seven Testicles. Seven? Are you sure??
February 6th, 2014 at 8:15 pm
I love the tagline “A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror” — it can be used in so many ways:
THE LOVECRAFT BOOK IN THE FRIDGE
A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror
COLD-HEARTED XENOPHOBES
A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror
ALL YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL MARKET – And The Entitites Who Profit From It
A Chilling Novel Of Alien Terror
February 7th, 2014 at 2:23 am
AGORAPHOBIC MARTIANS AT IBIZA 1990
A Chillin’ Novel of Alien Terror
February 7th, 2014 at 1:59 pm
COOK-OFF OF THE EXTRATERRESTRIALS
A Chili Novel of Alien Terror
June 4th, 2014 at 1:55 pm
At first I found ‘The Seren Cenacles’ to be a baffling title, but then late one night, after months of pouring over this cover, I realized that the letters could be rearranged to be either ‘See Secret Channel’ or ‘Ten Seance Lechers’ and it all became clear!
A secret message to the reader had also been smuggled into the title: Lee Resents Chance.
The title revealed deep truths about the book: Each Scene Relents.
It pointed to the book’s most poignant moment: The Cleanser Scene.
It spoke of tragedy: Teens Heel Cancers.
It unmasked the villain of the piece: A Senescent Lecher.
It was strangely erotic: Her Lace Sentences. Lances Erect Sheen.
And at last I truly understood what it was all about: Lance Rents Cheese.
The Seren Canacles indeed, my friends. The Seren Canacles indeed.
June 4th, 2014 at 3:03 pm
@Tom: ah, I see my alien symbiont Aphasia has infected you with spores of the alien race Anagram. Good show, sir!
Or rather, Wish Goo Rods!
June 5th, 2014 at 11:07 am
Are you SURE he said “The Ceren Cenacles”?
That’s what it sounded like. Mind you, it WAS a bad line. And he did have a mouth full of soup. And my ears need syringing out. There’s a SLIGHT chance he might have said “seven tentacles,” or something.
Well, should we check?
March 28th, 2015 at 12:30 pm
It must be bad handwriting: seven became seren and canticles became cenacles.
@A.R.Yngve: Because waders are cool.
December 25th, 2015 at 12:45 am
The Waltons went seriously weird when it did a Battlestar Galactica cross-over story.
December 25th, 2015 at 2:01 am
SPACE PAVAROTTI ON ICE PLANET
A Chilling Novel Of Alien Tenor
December 26th, 2015 at 4:29 pm
Tom Cruise tries desperately to lead werewolf woman away from the artificial satellite before she is forced to complete her transformation.
February 16th, 2017 at 2:00 pm
Developing: Seren is emerging as one of the hottest baby names of 2017.
Confirming everyone’s prediction that 2017 was going to be the naff recovery year to 2016’s horror.