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May 11

Quickly! I've forgotten my trousers and all I have to cover myself is your Mum's curtain!Click for full image

GK Comments: When I saw this at the book store all I could say was, “Good Show, Sir!”
Published 1999

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.75 out of 10)
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49 Responses to “Dragon Ultimate”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    The look of terror that can only mean “Shelley Winters and Jim Dale are after us!”

  2. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    I know the guy in front of the dragon is holding a crossbow, but doesn’t it look a little like a musical instrument? Between that and the reeeeally bright colors, he looks like a minstrel.

    As I first looked at this cover I heard:

    “Bravely bold Sir Robin
    Rode forth from Camelot …”

  3. Smith Says:

    If Battledragon (i assume it is he) takes another step without looking where he’s going, he’s going to knock minstrel boy there off the bridge.

  4. Smith Says:

    I have to say my first thought on seeing this was “Its Scooby Doo: the D&D Years”.

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    Human, beware!

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    My goodness…the girl and the dragon from Human, Beware! had a child. Thank Heaven for the modesty flap.

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    “I’ll have a Dragon Ultimate and a Tall Latte Mocha Frappe, please.”

  8. Tom Noir Says:

    Sure, dragons have HUGE TEETH and RAZOR SHARP CLAWS and let’s not forget they BREATHE INFERNAL FLAMES FROM THEIR MOUTH, but sometimes they just need armor and a sword!

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    Also, one gets the impression they named it “Dragon Ultimate” because “Ultimate Dragon” was some sort of copyright infringement.

  10. Phil Says:

    Behind you!

  11. Phil Says:

    And: I was wondering where my blue bath towel had gone. Covering a dragon’s goolies.

  12. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    A closer look at minstrel boy shows that he is not wearing medieval clothes, but rather generic paramilitary fatigues in clown colors.

  13. fred Says:

    The most ineffective looking guardrail I have ever seen. Is everyone else on this world only 2 feet high?

  14. Yoss Says:

    Check out the elbow spikes. Poor guy probably rolls over in his sleep and hurts himself all the time.

  15. Phil Says:

    This one keeps nagging at me for some reason. Surely skimpy armour for such a large dragon, covering only the upper body. And aren’t dragons supposed to have wings? Where are they? Crushed up inside his tabard?

    Is the dragon sneaking up on the clown-coloured military-fatigued guy, or is he his personal bodyguard?

    GREEN lightning?

    Only three fingers per dragon hand? Is this standard anatomy for dragons?

  16. SI Says:

    “Hey watch this guys! I am totally going to grab onto this dude and get struck by lightning. It will be hilarious!”

  17. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    I attribute the green lightning to poor color reproduction. It and what looks like chartreuse paint splashed on the figures is clearly supposed to be yellow light. And I’m willing to bet the originally painted sky was a little darker and more stormy.

  18. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    Oh, come on. That’s clearly not a dragon; it’s an albertosaurus with spikes on.

    I’d have said tyrannosaurus, but it has three fingers instead of two.

  19. Trish Says:

    I’m with Noir and Phil. When you get to the point where your dragon character is anthropomorphic, wears armor, and wields a sword, you have to sit down and ask yourself why he is even a dragon anymore.

  20. Jane Says:

    “author of Dragons of Argonath.”
    Quick, call the Tolkien Estate!

  21. Infoqueen Says:

    Wait, you mean Skateboard Girl isn’t in this one?

  22. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    I remember these. I used to dog-ear some of those books while waiting for my mom to finish her grocery shopping; groceries always have the worst shit in their book sections.

    The dragon’s in armor and wielding a sword because he lives in a generic fantasy world and also because he has no wings and can’t breathe fire. His people are hired as mercenaries, or something. I can’t remember much besides how disappointing the books were when the cover promised something that, to my childish mind, seemed awesome — a dragon who was a knight! Does he fight bigger, badder monsters, or does he fight humans? Or maybe he’s a good guy, and has allied himself with the humans! And oh god, how long does it take mom to pick out some freaking pads, I am not going over there.

  23. Rachel J Says:

    If the dinosaur-thing is Battledragon, is the one with the crossbow Deceiver? If so, that’s going to be a very quick final showdown…

  24. Jaouad Says:

    Also, that Mr Dragon’s breast plate is one of the least realistic-looking I have ever seen. Like something made of plastic you’d buy at a toy shop for your kids. And don’t even get me started on the… what is that? Chainmail?

  25. John T Says:

    “And they’ll be facing… Battledragon! And Deceiver! Contenders – ready! Gladiators – ready!”

  26. A.R.Yngve Says:

    If there’s a Battledragon, is there a peace-lovin’ Hippiedragon too?

  27. Hep C Says:

    I think there should be a loincloth tag here.

    This dragosaur does have chubby cheeks, doesn’t he? Unless it’s some kind of hamstersaurus.

  28. Phil Says:

    He is indeed a cheeky chappy.

  29. Sarah Says:

    Actually I just saw this at a place in Columbus! It’s amazing!!!

  30. Rags Says:

    Dino: Quickly the enemy approaches, hide under my loincloth!!

    Bowman: Thats your solution for everything!!!!

  31. Sophaloaf Says:

    @Rags, yup…seems about right. From how Bowman is struggling to stand upright, it appears he has learned from past experience.

  32. Tom Noir Says:

    I note that ‘battledragon’ is waving a sword around and wearing steel armor during a thunderstorm. No doubt that’s why such creatures turned out to be an evolutionary dead end.

  33. A.R.Yngve Says:

    How did the dragon get his horned head through the collar of the breastplate??

  34. DaveM Says:

    Archer boy’s got some good air guitar (or lute) going on the crossbow there. Of course, seeing as he doesn’t appear to be carrying any ammo that’s probably all it’s good for.

  35. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Putting the “Ultimate” after “Dragon” instead of before is a basic element of what I like to call the “Stan Lee High Style,” as perfected by the Bard of Marvel Comics.

    Use the Stan Lee High Style to add that cool gravitas to any hum-drum situation:

    “Melvin, did you borrow my hair dryer?”
    “Verily did I borrow thine hair dryer… to create the Mullet ULTIMATE!”

  36. anon Says:

    Dragon: “I’m sure it’s around here somewhere. We need to beat Deceiver to reach the playoffs.”
    Man: “Stop using my cape as a loincloth! And why is our team called Battledragon? What? Suddenly I don’t exist?”
    Man: “By the way, this is the last time we play dragon ultimate. After this tournament, we’re going to stick to regular ultimate. I’m sick of looking for the damn frisbee.”

  37. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Battledragon’ is of course WAY AWESOMER than regular old ‘dragon’.

  38. fred Says:

    I think looking at GSS covers while listening to 8-bit music is addicting.

  39. JuanPaul Says:

    That moment when your coworkers catch you larping.

  40. Yoss Says:

    I wonder if Argonath is anywhere near Sarnath. It does look like a place doom could come to.

  41. Raoul Says:

    Battledragon and Da Ceiver. Sounds like a hip-hop duo.

  42. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘Ultimate’ is the official name of the game/sport/activity usually called ‘frisbee’. So ‘Dragon Ultimate’ must be…

  43. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: No wonder dragonsaur’s running away. You can’t fling him with any sort of aerodynamic accuracy.

    Or maybe he’s already been flung, which is why he’s in the awkward position and minstrel warrior is trying to get away.

  44. Francis Boyle Says:

    1. be a dinosaur
    2. evolve intelligence
    3. invent space/time travel
    4. travel to generic fantasy planet
    5. pretend to be a dragon
    6. profit

    You will notice there are no gaps in my plan.

  45. Bibliomancer Says:

    I enjoyed the prequel: Dragon Penultimate

  46. RachelJ Says:

    @Francis Boyle. I agree your plan is seemingly flawless, but do watch out for the competition.

  47. Francis Boyle Says:

    @RachelJ

    OK, new plan

    1. be a dinosaur
    2. evolve intelligence
    3. become cyborg
    3. invent space/time travel
    4. travel to generic sf planet
    5. pretend to be a dragon
    6. get brutally slaughtered by four young warriors

    That one might be slightly flawed.

  48. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @FB: if you alter step 3 slightly to ‘become a dragon cyborg’, I think most of the flaws will be overcome. 😉

  49. RachelJ Says:

    How about-

    1. be a dinosaur
    2. evolve intelligence
    3. invent space/time travel
    4. travel to fantasy planet
    5. become a pirate (dragon impersonation optional)
    6. PROFIT!!!!

    I think this one’s pretty much foolproof.

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