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Jul 05

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Book Wench Comments: ‘Fear in Firland’ is a true masterpiece, written in the 1970s by the vicar of Ladywood, it has all the worst bits of Narnia thrown in with some Native American (?) possibly Middle Ages… something… Any cover that can combine flying saucers and squirrels are okay with me!
Published 1974

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.59 out of 10)
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13 Responses to “Fear in Firland”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    “Aw heck! Here comes Xenu to crash the party!” Seriously, this does look like cult literature you might unwittingly get handed in the street.

  2. GSS Admin Says:

    Forgot to post the back cover blurb:

    “Young King Richard and his friends are working hard to create the free, happy land of their dreams. Their peace is shattered when a race of insect-like creatures arrive in space ships… the exciting story of how the time-travelling wizard…d Greylin goes forward into the present from the fifth century to find help. After a number of false starts he returns with three teenage cousins and a secret weapon to defeat the invaders.”

  3. Tom Noir Says:

    Once again the members of the Star Trek club prepare to crash the Ren Faire.

  4. fred Says:

    Blondes have no fun in Firland.

  5. Lulu Says:

    I read “Fear in Finland” at first. And the double take award goes to:
    the lei’d baby deer

  6. Book Wench Says:

    Just to quote the wonderful ending:

    “..we have one big question. We all want to know how you did it. What was the white powder? It was not paprika…pepper…was it?”
    “Poof! No!” said Angela. “We wouldn’t waste good pepper on that lot.”
    “As a matter of fact,” said Edward, “it was DDT. They were only insects after all!”

    With such quality writing, it’s little wonder this is such a classic…

  7. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    Good to know that even though they come from the other end of the galaxy, the space people also use a varmint-based currency system.

  8. Alk Says:

    Are we sure this isn’t a rejected cover for a Däniken book?

  9. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    That font and colour coordination really strains the eyes!

    Is it me or does everyone there seems to have a haughty look about them?

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I would give a tenner [1] to have some more prose samples from this book! And then put them through The Mocking Program for that gritty, cyberpunk post-Thatcher nihilistic je ne sais quoi.

    [1] I would prefer to give someone else’s tenner, but I’m flexible. 😉

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Lars von Trier’s Fear in Firland (1999)

    PG |100 min | Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Good Show Sir! | 27 November 1999 (UK/Japan)

    Your Rating: **********
    Ratings: 7.9/10 from 271828 users Metascore 65/100
    Reviews: 314 user | 15 critic | 14 from metacritic.com

    Young King Richard and his friends are working hard to create the free, happy land of their dreams. Their peace is shattered when…(more)

    Director: Lars von Trier
    Writers: Rev. Norman Power (novel) | Yuko Tojo (adaptation)
    Stars: Craig Charles, Matt Damon, Peaches Geldoff | See full cast and crew>>

    Nominated for Tars von Lierr Award See more awards & nominations>>

    People who liked this also liked…

    FACES OF DEATH (1978)

    A collection of death scenes, ranging from TV-material to home-made super-8 movies The common factor is death by some means.

    Cast

    Complete credited cast:

    Toshi…………………..King Richard
    Kaori Moritani…………Queen Guenevere
    Pat Moriya……………Greylin the Wizard
    Peaches Geldoff.…….Angela
    Craig Charles……..…Edward
    Matt Damon………….Matthew
    Gackt……………..…..Dr. Mephisto Mandible
    Mally…………………..Lady in Waiting
    Tierra……………..…..Lady in Waiting
    SPF-50………………..It’s Self [sic]

    Rest of cast listed alphabetically:

    Ae Woo-Sung…………Alien Guard

    See Full Cast>>

    Storyline
    Young King Richard and his friends are working hard to create the free, happy land of their dreams. Their peace is shattered when a race of insect-like creatures arrive in space ships that resemble vulvae. This is the exciting story of how the time-travelling wizard Nietzsche Greylin goes forward into the present from the fifth century to find help. After a number of false starts he begins to question his own existence and the nature of belief. In what may be a dream, he returns with three teenage cousins and a secret weapon to defeat the invaders.
    Written by hideisdead

    Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis

    Plot Keywords: time travel | wizard | boy | girl | wizaaaard | lei | ennui | giant insect gives birth backwards at high speed | See all (117) >>

    Taglines: Our adventure through time begins (uk) | Fight! For our mighty Firland nation we must expel the invaders and defend our king! (jp)

    Genres: Science fiction | Fantasy | Revisionism | Paranoia |Flying Fanged Penises |Good Show, Sir!

    Certificate: UK:12A | X Japan
    Parents Guide: Profanity: 1 instance of ‘Holy smegging ball-slapping fartzappers!’ (outtake?) | See all (21) >>

    Details

    Country: UK | Japan
    Language: English | English (dubbed)
    Release dates: 27 November 1999
    Also known as: この田高には、絶対に勝つ! See more>>
    Filming locations: International waters off of the eastern Japanese coast See more>>

    Box office
    Budget: ¥4,000,000,000 (estimated)
    Opening weekend: -£36,949
    Gross: Mm, rather.

    Credits
    Production Co: Granada Films, News Corp, Zaibatsu Eigo (defunct)

    Technical Specs
    Runtime: 115 minutes
    Sound mix: Violently Digital
    Colour: Color
    Aspec ratio: 9 aspecs : 2 ipecacs
    See full technical specs>>

    Did you know?
    Trivia: During the bankruptcy hearing for Zaibatsu Eigo, it emerged that the director had grabbed unemployed immigrants off the street and forced them at gunpoint to don insect suits—a process that could last anything from four to eleven hours—and act as extras.
    See more>>

    Goofs: According to the Craig Charles, no persons were supposed to actually ingest insecticide on camera.
    See more>>

    Quotes:
    King Richard: ‘We all want to know how you did it. What was the white powder? It was not paprika…pepper…was it?’

    Angela: ’Homosexual! No!’
    [the forest catches fire and burns]
    Matthew: ‘MATT DAMON! MATT DAMON!’
    Angela: ‘We wouldn’t waste good pepper on that lot.’

    Edward: ‘Ehm, as a matter of fact, it was DDT. They was only insects after all, matey!’
    [blood explodes from the the ladies-in-waiting]
    SPF-50: ‘Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.’
    Matthew: ‘CHAOS REIGNS!’
    See more>>

    Crazy Credits:
    As Peaches Geldoff recites the credits from a slip of paper, the director can be seen in the background savaging costumed extras with a broken bottle.
    See more>>

    Connections:
    Clips shown in the documentary ’The Case for Bombing Japan Again’ by Lt. Col. Oliver North (ret.).

    Soundtrack:
    ら知名度リアル 知名度ある無苗
    Music by Toshi, Gackt
    Lyrics by Lars von Trier
    Performed by vague threats and hostile innuendo
    See more>>

    User Reviews
    ********00 So many memories
    13 May 2014 by omesickinnyc

    In the village where I grew up, this was one of two vhs movies we had, the other being a bootlegged copy of secret of the ooze. well do I remember late friday afternoon, when papa would start the gasoline generator for the electrical system and mama would make plantain and oatmeal porridge for the customes. Just at sundown, the town would file in grimly and take their seats in front of the bedsheet strung across the front of papa’s store to see the weekly double feature. Sometimes he wouldn’t even charge them for tickets. When I was nine, the scene where the alien general is trying to caress matthew’s cheek and matthew is running around and soiling himself drove a pregnant woman into labour. the little newborn girl was named simone.

    17 out of 24 people found this review helpful. Was this review helpful to you?
    Review this title | See all 314 reviews>>

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    OPINION POLE WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE……………sakurachan2102
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    Discuss Lars von Trier’s Fear in Firland (1999) on the GSS message boards>>

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I find “Fear in Firland” failing, for the Foreword finds forty factual faults.

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @DSWBT, that IMDB entry is a work of genius. (Why did no one ever tell poor Gackt what his name sounds like to English speakers?)

    So, erm, they set up their little idyllic utopia in the 5th century (with just a bit of DDT to help kill off some of the happy forest creatures like fish and birds), and then what? The migrations of plenty of barbarian tribes in the era wipes ’em out anyway? Some sort of Goths or Huns or whatnot kill them all? Yay?

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