Jan 11
Click for full imageFrank Comments: I suppose I can understand how this got sorted in with the romance paperbacks, just from the color. But this is why I look through theromance paperbacks, so I can rescue the books that need it and put them over in the SF&F section.
Published 2002
(Average: 7.45 out of 10)
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January 11th, 2013 at 11:39 am
You know what this cover needs? More roses. There are two blank spots on the page.
January 11th, 2013 at 11:42 am
Is “Stealing the Elf King’s Roses” an over elaborate euphemism?
January 11th, 2013 at 11:48 am
That’s some font, that is. It very closely corresponds to my eight-year-old conception of “grown-up fancy writing”.
January 11th, 2013 at 11:50 am
Stealing the Elf-King’s Roses
So you can make lovely posies
That sweet scent fills your noses
Before they turn on the hoses
Whereupon you cry “Holy Moses!”
And on your heads put tea cosies.
January 11th, 2013 at 1:45 pm
Is that the Elf-King in question, or the accursed rose thief? And is that glowing golden rose floating in space or emblazoned on his/her breastplate?
I prefer the sequel, STEALING THE ELF-KING’S QUALITY STREET.
January 11th, 2013 at 1:45 pm
“I don’t understand how it’s only January and we’ve already blown through our entire Ornate Fonts budget and… Oh, god. What is THIS?!?”
January 11th, 2013 at 1:46 pm
How many authors have first names and surnames that differ by just a single letter?
January 11th, 2013 at 2:19 pm
‘Ohmigod, I’ve summoned Calyxthulu!’
January 11th, 2013 at 6:26 pm
I would like to meet an unskilled master.
January 11th, 2013 at 8:08 pm
Is the background a candelabra?
January 11th, 2013 at 11:07 pm
Two things. First, no matter where they put it, that Warner’s logo still manages to catch my eye. Which, given the entire cover design, is mighty impressive.
Second, whoever that is on the cover (Elf-King or Thief), is being played by the mighty actress Mariette Hartley.
January 12th, 2013 at 1:09 am
@Phil-You know, I was so entranced by those oddly ornate capital letters in her name, yet, my God, that is strange, her name, that Diane Duane. Now I will be forced to look at every author to see if…wait, there’s artwork too?
January 12th, 2013 at 4:16 am
It occurs to me you that could just as easily steal someone else’s fancy magic roses, and then claim they came from the Elf King’s garden.
January 12th, 2013 at 2:10 pm
What makes the title for me are the emoticons embedded within it. ‘Stealing [Three-Eyed Smiley] The Elf-King’s [Three-Eyed Frowny Face] Roses’. Adds another layer of meaning.
January 14th, 2013 at 9:11 pm
See also the sequels
Catching The Caliph’s Cactuses – A Tale Of A Thousand Small Nicks
and
Pilfering The Paladin’s Petunias
February 7th, 2013 at 3:52 pm
I got a fever, and the only cure is more roses!
January 6th, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Finally, cover art that the blind can enjoy!
February 25th, 2016 at 12:38 pm
STOLE KEG, FINGERS THINE LASS
“Diane Alea milks the fondue disaster genre” — Harper E.P. Quillhand III
January 15th, 2017 at 2:10 am
‘Rose rose to put rose roes on her rows of roses.’–Robert J. Baran
It’s a shame he didn’t include any rules of engagement for a deer when he said it. 😉
January 15th, 2017 at 2:39 am
Diane Duane is another good author who always got terrible covers. This novel is actually a police procedural (with magic) wherein the leads work for the Los Angeles District Attorney.
Now that she’s got the rights to her books back, a cover that won’t end up in romance graces it.
http://ebooksdirect.dianeduane.com/collections/frontpage/products/stealing-the-elf-kings-roses-the-authors-cut
January 15th, 2017 at 12:23 pm
@GSS Proselytizer: No question that the new cover is better!
Pros: Nice balance with the imagery; well-rendered; font is decent if you’re in that sort of retro mood; Saturn snuck up on me, very creative backdrop.
Cons: Changing the colour of the font for ‘roses’ is a bit superfluous. Also, the new title could be parsed as, ‘Whilst stealing the Elf-King’s roses from their Hollywood beds, the author has cut her hand on them, and will need a bandage.’ 🙂
January 15th, 2017 at 11:32 pm
The font is CSI opening titles, which gets across police procedural. And the subtle Saturn is quite nice.
Also, no pink or curlicues. I haven’t read the book, but the synopsis there makes it seem extremely non-twee.
(I do love your variations on my name.)
January 16th, 2017 at 2:30 am
Another cover that shows 2 of the 3 rules of covers
[1] The quality and relevance of a cover is inversely proportional to the quality of the book.
[2] All other things being equal a female author will have worse covers than a male author (the Ursula K. Le Guin effect)
and the rule not covered here
[3] Baen covers are always worse.
I shall begin by dissertation for a doctorate in bad cover art at once! 🙂
January 26th, 2019 at 8:22 am
Hey, I forgot to mention I actually bought this book — with this cover — for a buck at a con last year.
Turns out it’s pretty good, and really didn’t deserve this cover, which doesn’t even have the virtue of representing the book. It’s hard boiled cop stuff instead of drippy romance.
I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask Tag Wiz to add another tag here: as you all suspected, the title is embossed. Deeply embossed. And shiny.
February 7th, 2019 at 1:56 am
@GSSxN – Back in the day, we didn’t have no fancy “embossing” tag. In fact, back in the day we only had THREE tags: “damsel”, “WTF” and “font problems”. And we managed just fine!
February 9th, 2019 at 11:22 pm
@Tag: and you walked to tag school uphill both ways in the snow!
(Mr. xn actually did — the school was exactly on the other side of a steep hill from his house, and it was so big that going around would have taken longer.)