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Jun 12

I'm sorry.... I can't date a vampire who has a head the size of the moon... think of the tides!!Click for full image

Dead Stuff With Big Teeth’s Art Direction: For our new erotic historical fantasy…what does the name “Dark Enchantment” suggest to you? Purple… and… pointy! EXACTLY! So fetch us a shot of Brad, with a lightbulb pressed up against his face, and purple it up. Oh, and add a mansion under the lightbulb. Preferably that one where the lighting is coming head-on.
Published 2004

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.10 out of 10)
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One Response to “Dark Enchantment”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Is he bored because he’s had it up to here with sexy vampires, or is he dazed because he hit his head on the flippin’ moon?

  2. FearofMusic Says:

    Mebbe s’not a vampire this time. Bloodlust, hmm, maybe tis the first erotic chupacabra novel.. I’d read that I would. However, considering how uninspired this cover is, tis unlikely.

  3. Rachel J Says:

    @THX 1138. I’d say lunar concussion. Notice how he’s gone slightly cross-eyed?

  4. Tom Hering Says:

    Exterior shot: quaint buildings, man running, Rover bouncing along in pursuit.

    NUMBER SIX: Where am I?

    NUMBER TWO: In the Village.

    NUMBER SIX: What do you want?

    NUMBER TWO: Dark enchantment.

    NUMBER SIX: Whose side are you on?

    NUMBER TWO: That would be telling. We want enchantment … enchantment … enchantment.

    NUMBER SIX: You won’t get it.

    NUMBER TWO: By hook or by crook, we will.

  5. Rags Says:

    Sheesh are there any normal evil vampires around anymore??

    At least in this book he is a giant vampire, look at the size of the wee boys noggin!!

  6. Rags Says:

    I think the fonts should be bigger myself.

  7. SI Says:

    “Does anyone have a light? I can’t read this enchantment! It’s too dark!”

  8. Phil Says:

    The craft of typography is dead. I mean, c’mon, everyone knows there are only THREE dots in an ellipsis…

    (See?)

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    From the Department Of We-Don’t-Have-Any-Cover-Ideas-But-We-Did-Just-License-This-Awesome-Font.

  10. Rags Says:

    Looks like giant vampire metroman is heading a soccer ball.

  11. Tat Wood Says:

    This is what you see if you eat too many Parma Violets in a short time

  12. The Tag Wizard Says:

    @Phil
    What if it’s not a four dot ellipses, but a pair of vampire puncture wounds? ART!

  13. FearofMusic Says:

    If those three words are ever used when describing your family holiday, you are in so much trouble.

    “How was holiday with the wife and kids? Anything interesting?”
    “Fabulous! Just absolutely spectacular! It was a dark, erotic journey and..what? Why are you looking at me that way? Who are you calling?”

  14. fred Says:

    Bloodlust? Really? When not even one pointy font is tipped in red?

  15. Phil Says:

    @TagWizard: naah, if they were vampire puncture wounds, they’d have blood trickles running from them.

    I think Dark Enchantment is the new selection from Cadbury. The purple colour is the giveaway.

  16. Bibliomancer Says:

    Good Show Sir — Only the worst Sci-fi/Fantasy/Paranormal-Historical-Romance-Fiction book covers

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    DARK BOREDOM

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    DORK ENCHANTMENT

  19. Ae7flux Says:

    FearofMusic, I definitely prefer my erotic journeys to be well lit. But then I’m a man and as we are constantly being told men like their porn, sorry, “erotic journeys” to be visual. I’m guessing that if you read this as an e-book you’re required to set your reader to purple type on a black background.

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