Jul 12
Click for full imageDead Stuff with Big Teeth’s Art Direction: Gentlemen…perhaps what this cover needs is both a man, and a horse! Yes! And another man with a mullet, showing he doesn’t know how to ride a horse. And… a girl wearing nothing but body paint, standing at the top of a staircase! Because, gentlemen: nobody would otherwise pay money for something a woman has written!
(the senior partners, followed by everyone else in the room, erupt in a perfect storm of applause. The junior copyrighter wipes a tear from his eye)
Published 2003
(Average: 7.37 out of 10)
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July 12th, 2013 at 10:50 am
Click for full image, you say? Nothing happens. Perhaps like the plot of this book…
July 12th, 2013 at 10:53 am
When will typesetters ever learn: people’s first and last names are rarely the same length. Stop trying to squish and stretch each part of the name to be the same length as the other part; it just won’t work.
Let’s see:
Stephen
King
Ray
Bradbury
Frederik
Pohl
See? It NEVER works.
July 12th, 2013 at 11:09 am
Admin was (appropriately) distracted by the Steam game sale. Clicky now installed. Click click!
July 12th, 2013 at 11:25 am
I don’t think the blue thing’s a horse- it seems to have horns growing out of its forehead.
July 12th, 2013 at 11:33 am
Whoa there, two-horned blue horsey! What do you call that, a bicorn?
July 12th, 2013 at 12:08 pm
Apple crumble not pictured. But I think I spotted dick.
July 12th, 2013 at 12:44 pm
Is that the pommel of the saddle or the codpiece of the leather pants? “Once you see it” indeed!
July 12th, 2013 at 1:03 pm
I’m surprised Skoal chewing tobacco people didn’t sue. This author’s use of the phrase “Skolian Empire” is quite demeaning to their fine product.
July 12th, 2013 at 1:44 pm
Hmmmm. How very, shall I say, March 1985. But quite generic and unimpressive, I must admit. At least everyone within 25 meters will know you are reading the latest Catherine Asaro Skyfall book. Rather cool name if I do say so. Not as trendy as Skywalker, but hey.
July 12th, 2013 at 2:11 pm
I know its probably just like a cape or a coat or something, but there’s something disturbing about whatever it is she’s got clutched in her fists. It’s like she’s warping the fabric of space and pulling the insides of that barely rendered building outside with her.
July 12th, 2013 at 2:34 pm
If this artist’s anatomy teacher ever finds out about this work, I imagine a savage beating will follow.
July 12th, 2013 at 2:39 pm
Pssh, clearly that is Britney.
http://www.nypost.com/r/nypost/blogs/popwrap/201010/IMAGES/12/red.jpg
July 12th, 2013 at 3:00 pm
Pencils? That’s a brave* choice for a cover.
* Where ‘brave’ is a nice way of saying “Seriously? You thought that was a good idea??”
July 12th, 2013 at 6:09 pm
That’s some outie belly button there.
July 12th, 2013 at 6:47 pm
Why is the man on the left so angry looking?
“Seriously? You come to take my daughter out on a date riding that Bicorn? Where’s she supposed to sit? On your ludicrously suggestive saddle pommel? Nice try, Mullet-Boy, now take off until you get some decent wheels.”
July 12th, 2013 at 8:55 pm
Nothing about this cover is right, everything seems so off and makes no sense.
Is that a spaceship or a home? Britney Spears wearing the red jumpsuit from “Oops i did it again”, the Bicorn, a young Fabio on the horse, Lando Calrissian guard??
None of the characters have any depth, they look 2D. The ASARO font is hideous to behold. Look at the last two L’s on SKYFALL, what the heck is that?? Are they melting??
July 13th, 2013 at 5:00 am
You could do a whole website of bad Catherine Asaro covers. All the ones I’ve seen are absolutely awful.
July 13th, 2013 at 7:30 am
Most of the time he stayed on bicornback, so people would not notice his gnomishly short legs.
July 14th, 2013 at 4:23 pm
Double unicorn, Oh my God, double unicorn
It’s a double unicorn all the way, dam
It’s a double unicorn all the way, dam, oh my god
What does this mean, it’s so bright, it’s so vivid
Double unicorn, Double unicorn it’s so intense
What does this mean?
July 14th, 2013 at 6:58 pm
@Jerk: Come with me. You’re done. You’ve used up all the Internet today. No more. No more for anyone. I’ll turn out the light. Let’s go home.
July 15th, 2013 at 4:08 am
Full marks to mullet-boy* for getting a horse to climb stairs sideways.
(*Err… are we sure he’s a boy?)
July 17th, 2013 at 10:42 am
that’s not body paint, it’s a space suit! If you loook real close (pervy vision tm) you can see wrinkles where body paint wouldn’t have wrinkles.
So, that only leaves 495 problems with the cover… Anybody read this sucker?
November 15th, 2015 at 10:45 pm
This seems like a Luis Royo cover. And boy, has he let himself go.
November 16th, 2015 at 3:58 am
The Fantasy Reimagining of Skyfall
Starring Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, and DAYMN Judi Dench
November 16th, 2015 at 2:06 pm
Bicorns!
November 16th, 2015 at 3:34 pm
Ok, the woman is Britney Spears.
Which of the men is James Bond?
@Corey, @Perry Armstrong: I see shallow minds react alike.
November 17th, 2015 at 5:33 am
@anon: I guess it’d have to be the guy on the horse, if only because nominating the other guy to play James Bond would cause the Internet to loose its collective s**t!
May 6th, 2020 at 9:33 pm
I accidentally read this as the “Saga of the Scrotium Empire” and have absolutely no excuse for that.
May 6th, 2020 at 11:25 pm
@Tor: I think the saddle pommel is your excuse.
Horse guy is Bond, other guy is Felix Leiter, girl is flavor of the month in Britney’s old outfit. The bicorn is actually an automaton made by Q.
May 11th, 2020 at 8:24 am
Hilarity aside, a “Fantasy secret agent” movie/series is actually a good idea.