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Aug 09

Helper Monkey's are always evil...Click for full image

DPN Comments: It’s a game – Find the five odd honours depicted on this book cover.
Published 2011

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.56 out of 10)
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24 Responses to “Five Odd Honors”

  1. Phil Says:

    Damn, those monkeys have evolved to blend in with bananas. No wonder you didn’t spot what’s BEHIND YOU!!!

    I gather Jim Butcher likes books like this. Hence the blurb, “Should appeal to fans of Charles de Lint. And Jim Butcher.”

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Topoff’s finally snapped!

  3. Tom Hering Says:

    1. To be stripped to the waist.
    2. To be tied up.
    3. To bend over in front of a monkey.
    4. To be monkey spanked.
    5. To be monkey spanked with the flat of a sword.

  4. Simon Says:

    It’s the Monkey Big Bird!

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Interesting that the Library Journal blurb describes a totally different title (Nine Gates) by the author. Apparently not much to say about this one. Which is surprising.

    Happy to see the “BEHIND YOU” tag being put to good use. But if there was ever a WTF book cover, this is it.

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    1. To look vaguely like David Duchovny.
    2. To wear a mole toupee.
    3. To be tied up in a flower.
    4. To spot an adequately camouflaged monkey by its blue face.
    5. To have a narwhal flying by overhead.

    ‘How many honours are in the X-File, Mulder?’
    ‘Five-odd, Monkey.’

  7. Rags Says:

    1. To look vulnerable and dangerous in the same shot.
    2. To be able to weave a bamboo pair of shorts while being tied up.
    3. To be tied up sexily by the thinest of velour ropes, which leave no marks on his perfect skin.
    4. To attend weekly waxing sessions, shave facial hair nicely, after shave balm, buff and nail polish.
    5. To ask why a rope monkey who can float, would use a sword?

  8. Phil Says:

    I couldn’t make any sense out of the phrase “Library Journal on Nine Gates”. I assumed it was analogous to “Currys PC World on Tottenham Court Road”.

    Shame on the cover artist for omitting to TING! a perfectly good monkey blade.

  9. Bibliomancer Says:

    @DSWBT — It’s not a flying narwhal. It’s a flying carp.

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    From GoodReads: ‘in my review of #2 of this series, i expressed the hope that Lindskold wouldn’t get bogged down in an unwieldy cast of characters and she’d continue to do her homework. count my hopes dashed.’ Doesn’t bode well.

  11. fred Says:

    ‘How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?’ – Sherlock Holmes
    The monkey-in the hothouse-with the sword.

  12. FearofMusic Says:

    That is not a monkey! It is a sentient fungus temporarily assuming the form of a primate so as to have opposable thumbs with which to wield it’s newly discovered blade. The only thing that could be worse than a humongous fungus among us, would be a lobster on the loose. Or another Moorcock cover.

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Ok is it me or is that monkey sitting inside a huge pile of bananas?

  14. Lionrock Says:

    The Andy Warhol posters for Planet of the Apes were rejected by the studio.

  15. Phil Says:

    B.Chiclitz: it is not you, it is a pile of bananas designed to look like feathers on first glance.

    Monkey-face thinks he is safely camouflaged in there, but once those bananas begin to age and develop leopard-spots, he will stick out like a sore thumb.

  16. Jaouad Says:

    Nice jammies, Mulder.

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Phil 15—thanks for the validation. Boy, talk about stereotyping! These covers take the cake, or the banana cream pie, or something.

  18. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @B’Mancer—perhaps tasteful ads for art films? Like the classic double feature: Up to the Hilt and Only Skin Deep?

    Ok then, what about Kickstarter?

    By the way, who’s Dick Pillz?

  19. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz — You remember Dick. Friend of Ophelia Keester. And Claude Balz.

  20. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—Oh, yeah. Also pals with Carlotta Tendant. She’ll park your wheels in style!

  21. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “In Russia…”
    – No wait, not another “In Russia” joke.

  22. Perry Armstrong Says:

    ‘Five Odd Honors’, eh? Try these for size:

    1. Jimmy Savile (sleaze bag) – OBE 1972
    2. Rolf Harris (childhood ruiner) – CBE 2006
    3. Alan Bond (corrupt businessman) – Australian of the Year 1978
    4. Bill Cosby (statute of limitations beneficiary) – numerous honorary degrees
    5. Rupert Murdoch (lowering the standard of political debate) – Companion of the Order of Australia 1984

    Those awarded for efforts in science, medicine and charity work generally receive a free pass, but I swear whenever my wife & I hear of politicians/entertainers/business people being so honoured, our instinctive reaction is to ponder what eventual scandal will come to light!

  23. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Perry Armstrong—can we make it six? I guess that would cover the “odd” part:
    Henry Kissinger (noted war criminal): Nobel Peace Prize, 1973.

  24. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @B.Chiclitz: Sure, why not, or make a new list starting with Dr. Strangelove. There are so many examples of the privileged honouring the privileged for being privileged that I found it really, really hard keeping my list down to a mere five 🙂

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