Phil’s Art Direction: That’s the Bradbury story about an android grandmother, isn’t it? A sweet, family tale? Right, so let’s have either a muscle man or a horse on the cover. Better yet, a muscle man who IS a horse. And so ripped, that even his muscles have muscle men on them. On a wraparound cover.
Published in 1972
Outstanding! Good Show Phil!
A naked man wrestles a lion man – who is wearing a speedo I should point out – on top of a mound of fire. Yes, I did just say that out loud. And I want a huge snake in there, with a collar. And I do mean snake, that’s not a euphemism, but then again nothing to stop us from putting some ass on there too.
HOLY mother of HADES I have it! Ready? How about a big muscled LEOPARD MAN! Holding his rifle and roaaaaaaring off to one side….. YAWHAAT!?!? No I don’t want to see his leopard genitals! Put in him some futuristic combat armor, but no leggings.. his crotch is right there!!! God can only dream of how good this will be……
also known as Prescription For Chaos
(This is special! Have a great Bank Holiday weekend! Well, for those in the UK! )
NoiselessPenguin Comments: I tried to make a list of what’s wrong with this cover, and stopped when I realised: EVERYTHING.
Thanks to NoiselessPenguin, I’ve never laughed so much!
Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies? I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity. What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine. Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.
Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!
Grady Comments: I’m disappointed, to be honest. The back of the book says, “They speak German. They carry whips. And they are connected in some mysterious way with Nazi experiments carried out in the charming old Irish castle during World War II.” Meh, I’ve seen more charming Irish castles.
Tom Noir Comments: Naked cybernetic armed cat woman in an improbable pose bursting through a cover of shiny 3D fonts? This is what happens when cover designers play Bingo. This cover is SO shiny that the camera couldn’t quite deal with it. Pretty much everything that looks black is actually highly-reflective chrome.
Don Comments: It’s so embarrassing when Mummy catches you playing dress-up in her things, even if you’re an alligator. Maybe PARTICULARLY if you’re an alligator.
Ruby’s Art Direction: I want a truly horrifying banshee creature… no wait – Give me the world’s gayest red rubber man, complete with rubbery genital mound and screaming nipples, then have him vomit himself into creation. Oh, and add in a small red haired child looking confused.
I’m speechless. I asked you for a mermaid, riding a merhorse on an ocean wave with a rainbow coming out of her back. But this… this is so much more. A picture like this should be kept in the Louvre.