Good Show Sir

It’s time for Mars Sexytime Honourable Mentions. And it’s a score in more ways than one. Scraping the bottom of the Mars barrel, here are three also-rans that, for various reasons, didn’t meet our STRICT AND RIGIDLY ENFORCED GROUND RULES.

Sex Life on the Planet Mars. I can’t find much info on whether this is comedy, sci-fi or maybe even a mystery. But I’m not surprised it’s written by this guy. Somewhere Capt Kirk is getting a boner.

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A Princess of Mars. Further proof of the benefits of novels losing their copyright and entering the public domain. This is an actual by-the-rules science fiction book cover, but it’s print-on-demand and I didn’t feel like spending a tenner of Tag Wizard’s expense account money to buy a copy.

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Mars Ho! It’s a Kindle ebook cover. I think it’s also paperback but, since nobody is in a hurry to send that cover in, this will just have to do.

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Good Show Sir Comments: Thanks to Cyndi-with-an-i, me, and Sir Douglas Quintet for sending these in.

Published 1986, 2008, and 2017

(Average: 6.57 out of 10)

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GSS ex-noob Comments: Tank menaces toddler with a big gun turret! Of course the toddler has a gun too, we’re BAEN. Nah, the fonts don’t matter.

[I took your suggestion, Ms Xnob, and replaced your original with a shiny new internet grab. — T. Wizard]

Published 2004

(Average: 8.04 out of 10)

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Tom Noir Comments: “Ohhh yes. She CAN take more of this, captain, if ye take my meaning!”
Published 1999

(Average: 8.09 out of 10)

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Lillie Awesome Comments: When in doubt, floating eyeball and clip art alligators that can swim through sand.

Published 1978

(Average: 8.43 out of 10)

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Tor Mented Comments: I’m not sure if this horror anthology ought to have a “snake person” tag or just an “anatomical issues” tag.

Or Neither! It’s a cat lady! — Tag Wizard

Published 1997

(Average: 6.43 out of 10)

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It’s a Two-fer Tuesday: Müller-What-The-Fokker Goings-on

#1 Tat Wood’s Art Direction: “Look, we’re late to this whole Cyberpunk thing but I’ve got the rights to a book about a guy being stored as data. It was published twenty years ago but we can kid the nerds into thinking it’s hip and fresh. It’s a comedy but for Chrissake don’t let on.”

#2 Good Show Sir Comments: Tat lays down the challenge, but I say you can never beat the first edition. Those hardcover publishers only hire the best artists.

Published 1990, 1970

(Average: 8.48 out of 10)

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Tom Luczycki’s Art Direction: I need a guy astride a giant walking fish-thing accompanied by a metallic angel with nippless bazooms. Could you have the guy holding an impossibly small and ineffective bow? Forget about the arrows. The bow is more a symbol for the subtext of the underlying metaphor. And moths. The moths should round things out nicely.

Published 1983

(Average: 6.87 out of 10)

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Wendy’s Art Direction: You can read the blurb as well as I can. Paint it!

Published 1987

(Average: 6.91 out of 10)

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Good Show Sir Comments:

There once was a hero named Blade
Who travelled through space to get laid
Wrapped his arse in a muff
Cause he thought it looked buff
Now the ladies are running away ‘fraid

Published 1972

Read all about this exciting adventure on the back cover.

You might remember this from here.

(Average: 7.87 out of 10)

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Bibliomancer Comments: Cover art by world famous dog artist Chet Jezierski.

Published 1975

(Average: 5.96 out of 10)

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