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Mar 19

Blondes... the number one cause of erotic space crashes.Click for full image

OK OK we're lost... someone check the map for a giant naked woman.Click for full UNLEWISED image

Frank Comments: First we have The Star-Crowned Kings a Daw Books publication. I haven’t read it so don’t know what the lady-in-chain has to do with the story. But, I thought, she looks familiar, and I thought I knew where I’d seen her before: Up to the Sky in Ships, a NESFA Press collection of some of A. Bertram Chandler’s short stories. Chandler and Freas were Guests of Honor at that year’s Worldcon, which was the occasion for the book. I guess it was thought that this would be offered to a more adult audience and so the model got to stand up for this painting, so we could all see that the lady-in-chain really is a blonde.
Star Crowned Kings published 1975
Up to the Sky in Ships published 1982

It’s dos-a-dos like an Ace Double and if you flip it over you see the cover for the other collection of shorts in the book, this one from Lee Hoffman.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.13 out of 10)
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Dec 06

The universe's most elaborate chastity belt. Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments:That key unlocks WHAT now??
Published 1993 or 1996

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.48 out of 10)
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Nov 13

Hey that's my loincloth you're wearing on your neck! Give that back!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: No seriously man, I just want to take a little bit off the top!
Published 1990

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.24 out of 10)
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Sep 23

I only know how to draw two horses... so.... we'll just duplicate!Click full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Remember that time you walked in on your parents as they were making your brother? Yeah… if you could sum up all those feelings and put it into the expressions of the main characters, who must be wearing caped onesies. Instant classic… though you might need some more therapy afterwards.
Published 1986

Many thanks to Paul D!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.88 out of 10)
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Jul 25

If you think being chained is degrading, try wearing this hat!Click for full image

Scott B’s Art Direction: I want a cover with no Sioux, taking place not in space. Just show one of the evil slaver horsemen, but without a horse. Just give him a radio-technology weapon, a bird mask, and a snappy vest.
Published 1966

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.89 out of 10)
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Jul 08

John! Stop looking at his muscular thighs and help us!!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: What have you done to me, you monsters? I can’t lower my arms! I CAN’T LOWER MY ARMS!!
Published 1994

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.66 out of 10)
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Jul 05

You have the right to remain fabulous!Click for full image

Tat Wood Comments: Amazingly, this is about the most tasteful cover for this I’ve seen. The original hardback had a 90% return rate, which makes sense when you see what they put on it.
Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.50 out of 10)
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Jun 04

I call this postion... the tripod... heyyooooooooooClick for full image

Phil Comments: I may be skewered and chained inside this crystalline tesseract, but at least I’ve got the TV for company. A shame it’s…pressing…down…on my…chest…
Published 2012

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.85 out of 10)
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Apr 17

A great day... everywhere... for men without nipples. Click for full image

DPN Comments: Finding a bad Baen cover is like shooting fish in a barrel, while standing on a pile of corpses as the city explodes behind you, illuminating your massive pecs.
Published 2013

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.67 out of 10)
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Aug 06

Bra's have come a long way on other planets.Click for full image

Scott B Comments: I have travel many leagues in my baroque unicorn-driven coach, accompanied by my viking-in-toga guard corps, to bring you this rare Long-Eared Pink Bust-Concealing Owl-Fox. Enjoy!
Published 1973

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.70 out of 10)
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