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Nov 10

You have no idea how uncomfortable it is to carry arrows around like this...Click for full image

You know what I love about Ireland? All the dwarfs, the mysterious dark riders on horses, the barmaids that insist on carrying a bow and arrow with them, the extreme landscapes and, of course, the rainbows so I know where to find my pot of gold. We should turn that into a cover someday, my boy.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.03 out of 10)
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Oct 28

No you idiot fire the arrow at them... not away!Click for full image

A scary witch-shard in the middle. Who am I to deny the cover of something the title mentions? Oh, and some dude firing a bow. OH, and some scary bear creeping up in the background. OHHHH – and some hot women with a dagger giving the uncomfortable twisted-body ass-pose. But most importantly: Shiny, keep it shiny.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.15 out of 10)
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Oct 12

I told you this was a great idea, we both look way more awesome up here.Click for full image

Two fine gentlemen sir! Both of them wearing only the finest apparel that royalty can buy. On top of the highest castle tower pointing into the distance in ponderous thought. Leaving the viewer with a single thought, ‘Health and safety ain’t great in this castle.’

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 3.51 out of 10)
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Sep 22

God, look at the dirt in this cave. It's like he just shits....he's behind me isn't he?Click for full image

I’m not one to stray from tradition. I’m talking about a dragon in the background, as black as…. uh… AC/DC? Peering at our antagonist will be a huge white wolf and her damsel companion holding the tiniest of flames. Remember, I am also talking traditional proportions here, so make sure nothing is sized relative to anything else. Now who’s up for some Hells’ Bells?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.00 out of 10)
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Sep 14

Arrrrrr... I'm the only female pirate to wear make-up and have me own teeth!Click for full image

With books today, you know what people are too obsessed with? That’s right, art! Why not (and you are going to love this) just have a female model dressed up as a pirate, teasing a little as she holds her swords to her lofty chest. With the addition of a terrible font we’ll draw a completely accurate picture of how things were like in ‘ye olden days.’

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.77 out of 10)
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Aug 31

Sorry officer. I use this to.. gut fish. I swear.Click for full image

With such a great confulence of fantasy and romance, we must voyage into a realm of highest art and… ahhh, who am I kidding. Busty red headed women holding her huge dagger! Do not, on your life, forget the glow.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.36 out of 10)
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Aug 27

I should probably be helping those people but I'm just so damn good looking in this catsuit.Click for full image

Right, we’re in a recession, we need a cover that sells! Hmm, all black cover? You, sir, are fired! We need exploding cities in the midst of being attacked. A woman in a yellow and black striped catsuit, no wait… an alien woman! She can be holding a dagger while she peers into the foreground, completely ignoring the chaos behind her. If that doesn’t sell I’ll jump right out that window.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.32 out of 10)
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Aug 20

I hope you know how long it took us to prefect this pose!Click for full image

Look I know it’s unusual but I want an actual lynx. It doesn’t stand up like a human, it doesn’t hold some sort of laser rifle, nor does it appear from a space ship. I just want it pouncing across the cover with a princely guy in a white cape leaping with it, while he grasps his sword. That’s not as cheesy right?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.93 out of 10)
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Aug 06

And I raise your stereotype with my light beam!Click for full image

Two words for you…. pirates vs kinky police officers. Well you know what I mean! Have the officers in long knee highs and holding a large batons. Have a large magic beam hitting a stereotypical pirate in the chest and him grimacing in pain. It’s almost too perfect.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.35 out of 10)
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May 12

God.. one of my stakes is completely poking me in the joybox!Click for full image

Remember how sweet Blade was? With all his black clothes, long trench coat, his cool body armour, his array of silver stakes and the mean emotionless yet cheerly philosophical face? Better make him caucasian just to be on the safe side.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.59 out of 10)
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