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Feb 17

The look of an average brain before their first morning coffee.Click for full image

Frank Comments: I didn’t realize that coffee, cigarettes, and cheap women were that much of a secret. Maybe it’s the intravenous delivery, or the soaking in it, or the little marshmallows.
Published 1976

You might remember this from here. And here.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.98 out of 10)
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Feb 15

I'm not jumping in that shallow swamp to save you! These are my best leggings!Click for full image

Libraryman Comments: I just don’t understand what good those wings will be.
Published 1984

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.68 out of 10)
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Feb 10

Crystal answer me... why did I buy such a big dish washer?Click for full image

Rachel J’s Art Direction: Mark, *nothing* happens in this yawn-fest, so let’s go with the general girl-power-in-space-with-crystals theme from the earlier books. Pink-and-purple colour scheme, huge embossed title in neon yellow, rocketships, chick in the foreground holding up a sparkly rainbow crystal. Oh, and make her look awed. What? No, I said “awed”, not “bored!” But hey, “bored” works too.
Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.64 out of 10)
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Feb 09

Man... I sure can't wait to eat this baby!Click for full image

MisterBOB Comments: In Space Jam Jars are Rather Useful…
Published 1980

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.80 out of 10)
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Feb 08

I look suspiciously like the wizard from two days ago...Click for full TOP-SHELF image

Claire’s Art Direction: Hum, riders on the wind. Well obviously lots of wind in a pretty colour, and a rider – I know, a naked chick with body tats. Throw in some standard fantasy stuff, like a castle and a wizard dude et voila!
Published 1988

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.76 out of 10)
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Feb 01

Looks like we're going to need a bigger glove...Click for full UNSHEEPED image

Marcus’ Art Direction: Fredric Brown mostly wrote short stories with twist endings. So let’s have a twist ending to the cover! But, at the same time, semi-naked women sell books. So we should have one of them. Not too big, though, we want lots of nice black space around.
Published 1980

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.65 out of 10)
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Jan 30

Darling... did you set the wedding guests on fire again?Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Now look Horne, you’re a good artist, but you’ve got a thing or two to learn. See, this cover of yours, it’s just not realistic. Does this guy look like he just walked out of an explosion? No. He still has body hair. The fire would have burned it all off! Take this back and I don’t want to see it again until it looks like he’s fresh from a wax job.
Published 1994

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.46 out of 10)
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Jan 25

You can whip me all you like but I'll never tell you how I get my legs so smooth.Click for full image

Updated IMAX version of cover

Joachim’s Art Direction: “Raw adventure” — with a whip, in underwear, make sure there’s a rocket… you know what I mean… it’s science fiction.
Published 1974

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.39 out of 10)
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Jan 24

My choice of weapons eh? I choose this sword, and this naked women! On guard!Click for full NON-HUMMINGBIRD WHALED image

Corey Comments: A naked woman on fire. Thanks Orson Scott Card.
Published 1979

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
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Jan 16

Stage magicians get all the chicks...especially when they have a horse.Click for full image

Click for new Hi-Def Image

Alessandra’s Art Direction: I want the main characters looking soulful, or at least sulky. I want the woman on the left missing her frontal lobes, but balance it out with piles of sausage curls on the woman below. Give the woman on the right a freakishly small body and no flesh on her arms, no ribcage, in fact no anatomy at all. Dress them in brightly colored Renaissance fair castoff costumes — don’t forget the purple! Oh, and put in a horse because you do them so well. Make its wings as sloppy as you like; we’re going to cover them with the title anyway.
Published 1978

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.40 out of 10)
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