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Sep 29

HEY! She has the same boots as me...Click for full image

Don’s Art Direction: It has dragons. People ride them. Put the woman in a swimsuit even though she’d freeze to death at that altitude. Make the guy look like some kind of alien elf, just to cover both the SF and fantasy genres. And it’s written by a chick, so do the main coloring in shades of lavender and rotting-orchid pink.
Published 1980 (maybe)

Many thanks to the Don!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.62 out of 10)
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Sep 17

After working out all day and doing my hair there is nothing more I enjoy than, casting my level 15 summon dragon spell!!!Click for full image

Flip it around and zoom in... people will never know...Click for full image

Art Direction: Kinda like those raunchy romance book covers with real people. Expect with a magical dragon and a hunky wizard waving around his magical staff. Who wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who dresses like a wizard? Actually… good point… make sure to hire a model.
Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.84 out of 10)
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Jun 23

Stop dancing around and help me hide this body!Click for full image

Andy Comments: The art department obviously wanted to cram as much as possible in (even though this is apparently the second novel in a trilogy). I wouldn’t be surprised however if it was an image ripped from the text. I really like the bloke standing on the ear of dragon – it seems to go well with the tag line. The spaceship is supposed to be vivid purple (the first line of the book) but is obviously out-done in the purple stakes by the dragon.
Published 1995

Ah the days of… yellow jeans…
Many thanks to Andy!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.26 out of 10)
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Apr 15

These collections of books were submitted by Eron Rauch. Thanks to Eron for making my day full of Icelandic volcano ash that little bit easier! Check out Eron’s site www.eronrauch.com which shows off some of his great photography, some of it also brilliantly nerdy!

That's no moon...Click for full image

Eron Comments: The first of three in this series. I mean, how else do I explain it more than the title “Camelot in Orbit”, except I don’t really understand logic of the title, since they seem to be on another planet. I guess technically that planets are in orbit, but that’s rather redundant. Also, King Arthur seems to be riding a beaked dinosaur that is so pathetic that He-Man would be caught near it. I mentioned that before right? A fecking armored dinosaur.

Who would have thought, Merlin.. a carebear!Click for full image

Eron Comments: The second in the series, I think, I mean it’s hard for me to care really, but this cover is passably bad until you notice the creepy-as-sin inbred ewok/mogwai knock-off sitting just to the bottom left of the girl. Staring. Into your soul with hollow black eyes. Seriously the stuff of nightmares.

HEY! How come the ash from that burning doesn't ground that space ship... grrrrrr!Click for full image

Eron Comments: The third in this utterly original series. Which features “Magick” with the added “k” which must mean serious fantasy is about to be had! In addition, we get a phenomenal rendering of the back of some random knight and a severely constipated dragon trying desperately to crap himself in terror at the War of the Worlds spaceship blowing the hell our of it’s castle with a laser that comes from nowhere.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.92 out of 10)
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Feb 19

Don't eat that laser! Bad dra GON. Bad!Click for full image

Look the font is just too big we can’t fit the whole word in there. But hold on… Hold on a god damn second. What if we spelt it, DRA – GON and put it on two separate lines? Then all we’d have to do is add a dragon firing a laser from its mouth. God, I’m good.

It has come to our attention that this book is not Sci-fi nor fantasy. It is in fact a political thriller.
We appologise, but the cover is still amazing!

– Good Show Sir

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.55 out of 10)
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Feb 02

Uh...Sir..SIR! My dragon is regaining consciousness!Click for full image

Everyone is into wizards these days. Your friends, that strange shopkeeper next door who just stares at you, even your mother! Sorry… but who wouldn’t appreciate a mullet wielding wizard with a sexy open ripped shirt, kneeling next to a dragon in the midst of a spell? Teenagers? Well… mmm… uh… uh oh.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.60 out of 10)
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Jan 27

GAHHHAAAAA!Click for full image

We’ll have a dragon sweeping into a castle wall, a ninja on its back. And we’ll have the dragon actually killing someone with it’s, ummmm, magic breath. That’s right, just magic. Possibly electricity. I don’t know what dragons actually breathed, I haven’t got to that part in my dragonology night course yet.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.66 out of 10)
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Jan 19

Yep, the book confirms it. Our union would be an abomination... but what the hell.Click for full image

Eyelashes! We’ll have a dragon with eyelashes, peering over at some wizard reading his dragon magical book. It won’t just be any mage, he’ll have a magical staff! Unheard of I know. And a side parting to make the king of side partings proud. As for the title, make it silver. We have to stand out somehow.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.32 out of 10)
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Jan 06

NO! You twist to the left and YOU pull forwards. God damn tails!Click for full image

After significant advances in science we have discovered that there is one thing Dragons like more than breathing fire, eating ferrets or even gobbling down a sacrificial virgin women. They just can’t help but go after all the I’s in a word. So have them fighting for the I in Chris and make sure they have various appealing colours!

Thanks to JustinLeego!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.78 out of 10)
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Nov 20

This gaming centre is dead. Only two dragons playing today.Click for full image

You know what you thought? You thought, you’d seen everything anyone could possibly do with a dragon. Well, you’re wrong. Three words for you to eat today, ‘Dragons In Space’! Oh yes, and trying to decipher the controls of a space ship! I mean, dragons can read, right?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.66 out of 10)
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