Good Show Sir

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Rod Comments: Nothing defines fratricide better than man taking on giant praying mantis. Or this that tiny man, regular bug? Either way, it’s a gas, gas, gas …
Published 1979

Many thanks to Rod!

(Average: 8.55 out of 10)

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Don’s Art Direction: This is a humorous novel about an interstellar diplomat. He’s suave, he’s debonair, and everything in the book’s played for laughs. So we want a horrific tentacle-headed, four-eyed, jelly-legged alien leaping at him with a spear. And we can’t afford the tux rental, so just use whatever your model’s wearing when he comes over from his rehearsal of A CHORUS LINE. But add some muscles! Retief is a two-fisted guy, no doubt with mighty thews! We don’t know what “thews” are, actually, but we’ll know ’em when we see ’em and by God he better have ’em! THEWS!
Published 1983

So it’s comedy. But it’s not a joke on the genre. That’s ok right?
Awesome! Thanks the Don!

(Average: 6.70 out of 10)

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Jessie Comments: This cover is so atrocious that every time I go to read it, I just can’t. It’s definitely among the top three worst covers I’ve ever seen.
Published 1995

That is epic. Simply epic! Thanks to Jessie!

(Average: 6.90 out of 10)

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The great artists of our time had a formula for where the human eye would automatically look to when presented with a work of art. At that precise point I know exactly what we need. A huge horse’s head, in pain, as it gets speared by a crazed redhead.

(Average: 6.38 out of 10)

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Eyelashes! We’ll have a dragon with eyelashes, peering over at some wizard reading his dragon magical book. It won’t just be any mage, he’ll have a magical staff! Unheard of I know. And a side parting to make the king of side partings proud. As for the title, make it silver. We have to stand out somehow.

(Average: 6.32 out of 10)

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You know what the 1970’s scream? Car movies and Shaft. Everyone against the MAN! So kinda like those films but with a wind powered car, some small alien dude, an alien sting ray, spears, horrific landscape and some hot alien amazon chick pushing out her chest. Dig it!

Thanks so much to – guess who? – of course, the legend ChrisR!

(Average: 6.90 out of 10)

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Art shouldn’t be confined to one side of a book, so span it across front AND back! And I am talking full-on epic here. Guy carried by a lizard horse dragon thing, shoots his laser at… wait for it….. dwarfs with spears riding on the backs of kangaroos! It will be a Sci-Fi craze! I’m sure it will just be as popular as man-tigers… Ahahahaha……………..

Thanks again to Chris R! You’re a legend!

(Average: 8.60 out of 10)

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You know what always bugged the hell out of me about the whole north verses south thing? No dragons or magic crystal orbs. The north frees the south of: dragons! Right there on the cover, with King Lincoln watching the battle on his orb! It almost makes me proud to be Americaglish… or whatever.

(Average: 8.41 out of 10)

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I’ll admit the only idea I could come up with is: a woman with laser gun cowers backwards with her chimpanzee colleague, who, I might add, should be in a tight leather body suit. Also, throw in a huge red horned daemon bull creature as he hurls himself at them with a loincloth… sorry I mean spear… ah what the hell why not both!?

(Average: 6.42 out of 10)

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A huge hunky man with bulging muscles and a loincloth that just about covers his ass with a sword symbolically hanging down from it. Oh and have him holding a huge spear with his taught sweaty arms.Wait – better make this a little less fabulous – add in a dragon that he might be about to kill… or seduce….

Thanks to CSA!

(Average: 7.73 out of 10)

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