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Jul 14

Stop that, you'll go blind!Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies? I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity. What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine. Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.

Published 1993

You might remember this from here.

Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.78 out of 10)
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Jul 12

God, I hate these Lost story lines...Click for full image

Art Direction: We need something that really gets across the feeling of time travel. So, in other words I mean a naked gladiator takes on a Boeing 737. And by naked I just having him at some strange angle so we can’t see his bum crack or giblets. I know, I’m no fun.
Published 1980

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.97 out of 10)
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Jul 08

Hmm yes, what a lovely gift...actually seriously, what the hell is it?Click for full image

Lauren Comments: The expressions on their faces have always bothered me–is he thinking about smashing her head with that statue? Is she considering using the trapdoor to dump him in a garbage pit?
Published 1991

Many thanks to Lauren!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.35 out of 10)
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Jul 06

Ohhhh I get it.. no wait what...?Click for full image

Corwin Comments: Where to start… A truly wretched color scheme with a bright pink neon title, two title fonts that go in four different directions. Then the rest of the cover is way too busy including a blue shark, a green sub with pink polka dots, and a man hole cover. And lest we forget, the story has a computerized Ayn Rand as one of its characters.
Published 1998

Flying shark!
Many thanks to Corwin.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.92 out of 10)
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Jul 02

We were just going to kill you mortals, but that does look like good cake...Click for full image

Art Direction: Hilarious escapade? Well then, no one is going to care what we put on there. In fact lets just put everything we can! Including Centaurs, which I hear are the next big thing. And we’ll have giant people with planets for faces! We’ll stop there but wait till you see what I have in mind for the font!
Published 2001

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.02 out of 10)
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Jun 30

I find this frightening....Click for full image

Dahne Comments: I haven’t read the title story, so it is possible that before writing epic deconstructions of swords-and-knights fantasy, George R.R. Martin wrote about flying swarms of disembodied sexy lips invading from across the ocean. You really can’t pigeonhole the guy.
Published 1976

Uh….uhhh….
Marvelous! Thanks to Dahne.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.90 out of 10)
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Jun 28

In space no one can hear you varrrrooooooom!Click for full image

Rod Comments: Monochromatic red? Hardly kaleidoscopic when describing this gang unidentifiable flying bike objects.
Published 1979

Who wouldn’t want a space bike?
Many thanks to Rod!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.66 out of 10)
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Jun 24

I can't see out of this thing, make sure the waiter brought my cake!Click for full image

Lauren Comments: This cover does in fact show a scene from the book, but I think maybe there could have been a better choice. I look at this cover, and all I can say is: What?? If you haven’t actually read the book, it makes no sense at all.
Published 1988

Awesome hat!
Many thanks to Lauren.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.31 out of 10)
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Jun 17

Take this son, it will explain the facts of life to you in strange metaphors that only seek to confuse you.Click for full image

Art Direction: I know what attracts teenagers, strange insect women showing their money makers and other parts. But draw it as if you had just taken LSD… you already have? Excellent!
Published 1979 (maybe)

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.93 out of 10)
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Jun 11

And here is your blind date, Shelgrangormoth the Third.Click for full image

Shira Comments: My partner discovered this book at the Friends of the Library Book Sale in Ithaca, NY. With my love of mushrooms and her love of cheesy sci-fi, we had to have it, of course!
Published 1973

A brilliant picture out in the wild!
Many thanks to Shira!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.67 out of 10)
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