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Sep 30

No more beer for Yancy. He's moving the wrong pieces now...Click for full image

Ashton Comments: This accurately depicts the eponymous story, except I don’t recall the protagonist being described as the smuggest douche in the universe in an equally terrible shirt.
Published 1987

Many thanks to Ashton!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
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Sep 29

HEY! She has the same boots as me...Click for full image

Don’s Art Direction: It has dragons. People ride them. Put the woman in a swimsuit even though she’d freeze to death at that altitude. Make the guy look like some kind of alien elf, just to cover both the SF and fantasy genres. And it’s written by a chick, so do the main coloring in shades of lavender and rotting-orchid pink.
Published 1980 (maybe)

Many thanks to the Don!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 5.85 out of 10)
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Sep 28

DUDE! Your crotch is glowing like some greek god! Can you get a cream for that?Click for full image

Stevie Comments: Jack Chalker’s Wonderland Gambit Book 2 is wild.  That hot demonic guy with a massive glowing genital lesion doing who knows what to those dudes with the plumbing coming out of their heads.  Who comes up with this stuff!
Published 1996

Many thanks to Stevie!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.81 out of 10)
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Sep 27

Mom, meet my new girlfriend.. Kim ear-nose for a face...Click for full UNCENSORED image

John’s Art Direction: No, see, boss, it’s not pornographic – it’s surrealism!
Published 1970

I give this a Bruce Forsyth and a Bullseye.
Many thanks to John!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.91 out of 10)
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Sep 24

Awesome boobs... give me thirty minutes to take off this stealth Mark VI power armour and then we can....Click for full image

Art Direction: We’ll have the male sitting on an Ikea chair like he’s James Bond with laser guns and space ships. We’ll put him in some sort of spandex suit with knee pads and fob that off as armour. With the girl lets go for nudity but we’ll photoshop in some clothes later. What we really want is, plenty of side boob! Therefore appealing to both genders… right?
Published 2010

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.65 out of 10)
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Sep 23

It's dangerous out there. Take this laser gun, cat and walking cane.Click for full image

Eric Comments: The ironic thing about this one is that the cover depicts an actual portion of the story. Accurately. Really. It is a good book, regardless of how it’s clad.
Published 1986

Many thanks to Eric!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 3.47 out of 10)
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Sep 22

Yes.. I definitely prefer the stomach hatch to the ass one!Click for full image

GK’s Art Direction: Alright, Lem asked us for a giant robot of some sort. Preferably with the ruins of a burning city in the background, perhaps people running in terror, a few puppies being crushed, you know, that sort of thing. Can you do it?
Published 1977

Artist has been listed as two people. I’m unsure which is correct.
Many thanks to GK!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.89 out of 10)
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Sep 21

Sweet Gwad! What's that raccoon doing to that rabbit!?Click for full image

George Comments: I feel as if there were drinking involved in the making of this design cover. Or drugs. Or rabies. I think this is what happens when clip art and Photoshop get used in the most horrible ways possible. EVERYTHING is horrifying in this cover. Does anything really need to be said? Just looking at this cover says it all.
Published 2009

Many thanks to George!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.94 out of 10)
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Sep 20

Click for full UNCENSORED image

Radiano’s Art Direction
Editor: Okay, the title is Sleepwalker’s World…
Artist: And what you want? An alien in pajamas who walks on a starship in construction? Please!
Editor: Well, no. See, this is a story about a superman-like astronaut in a world where every night everybody but a few elect acts like zombies, and he must stop some ancient conspirator ruled by a giant bug with a baby face with the help of the sister…
Artist: Whoa whoa whoa, too much information! Listen, I’ll put a naked girl on the cover, and maybe something else about the story. Any idea?
Editor: Well, the guy is helped by a super-intelligent lycaon…
Artist: What the hell is a lycaon?
Editor: It’s an african wild dog with Mickey Mouse ears.
Artist:
Editor:
Artist: Uhm, lycaon… lycon… lyon… That’s it! I’ll put a lion head in the corner, Trust me, it will be FABULOUS!!!
Published 1977

I give this two Jim Bowen’s and an Ian Rush!
Thanks to Radiano!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.71 out of 10)
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Sep 17

After working out all day and doing my hair there is nothing more I enjoy than, casting my level 15 summon dragon spell!!!Click for full image

Flip it around and zoom in... people will never know...Click for full image

Art Direction: Kinda like those raunchy romance book covers with real people. Expect with a magical dragon and a hunky wizard waving around his magical staff. Who wouldn’t want to sleep with a guy who dresses like a wizard? Actually… good point… make sure to hire a model.
Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 4.83 out of 10)
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