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Jul 04

Dinocentaurs have no need for space suits!Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: 
“Great, John, you’re here, come see the cover we’ve whipped up for Soldiers vs. Dinosaur Space Centaurs!”
“Uh, my book is just called ‘Soldiers’.”
“Ermmmmm… have you considered adding some dinosaur space centaurs to it?
Published 2001

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.88 out of 10)
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Jun 04

They can't kill me! I'm the main character!Click for full image

Dead Stuff with Big Teeth Comments: I was visiting my brother in Chicago. I showed him the site. Then we tried to complete the sentence on the cover of this book. Here are our efforts -

THE HERO…has his face stuck in a trash compactor!
…is wearing green gelatin!
…holds snowmen holding rifles in contempt!
…gets to have a double iris!
…has such kissable lips!
…was almost THE HEROT!
…looks like the dude from Aphex Twin!
…knows Christmas colors are the new teal and orange!
Published 2005

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.15 out of 10)
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Apr 03

The destroyer of fleets, worlds, and bottles of single malt whiskeys.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: At last Jimmy Doohan gets a chance to have a story where HE’S the hero, instead of that bozo Bill Shatner!
Published 1997

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.95 out of 10)
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Mar 21

"Simply Amazing!" - Writer's Best MateClick for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: I brought in my favourite 90′s computer game. Just grab some stills from it and we’re good to go!
Published 2002

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.24 out of 10)
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Mar 05

Well, we fired the baby at them. Do we have any more? No? Time to surrender.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments:
“Our toddlers will blot out the sun!”
“Then we will fight in the shade!”
Published 1998

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.98 out of 10)
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Mar 04

SPACE KAT IZ JUS 2 KEWL 2 LOOK AT EXPLOSHUNS. Click for full image

Good Show Sir Comments: Nothing says, “classic” like a good ol’ shiny cover! Baen, you never fail to impress! I hope you never change.
Published 2001

Many thanks to Rachel and Thomas!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
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Feb 10

No... I'm sure it's spelt Jospeph... right? Click for slightly larger image

Rachel and Thomas Comment: There are fourteen of these now. Apparently, the reading public cannot get enough of these magnificent hissing catmen and their high-cut thonged armoured leotards festooned with Rob Liefeld pouches. And who can blame us?
Published 2013

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.31 out of 10)
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Jan 31

When attacked by dragons, use PYRAMID POWER double strength! Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: The helmet wings! They do nothing!
Published 2007

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.44 out of 10)
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Dec 13

Excuse me sir, could you stop reading your book in public. The shine is blinding people.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Presumably the tagline refers to the title font and not to Mr. Pancake Ears here.
Published 2002

And that’s the end of, “Tom Noir Week!”
Thanks to Tom for all the covers, there’s still about a month more waiting!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.79 out of 10)
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Dec 09

This is my first experiment! Just wait till you see my second one! Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: I see it looking like Jurassic Park, only more space-ship-ey.
Published 2006

I don’t have much time this week to go through the rigorous cover selection criteria…
So welcome, to ‘Tom Noir week’!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.83 out of 10)
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