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Aug 16

On fire while being struck by lightning! Can this day get any worse?!Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: No seriously… four different colours of font will completely work! Especially if we add blue arching electricity!
Published 1998

Many thanks to Paul D for sending this in!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.00 out of 10)
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Mar 22

Even death won't stop high street charity collectors... Click for full image

Jon H Comments: I like how the angry old muppet is about to just SLAP that woman.
Published 2000

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.46 out of 10)
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Dec 13

Ok lets do this gun fight. Everyone got your... ah who am I kidding. Crane... you are screwed!Click for full image

Marmontoast Comments: Evidently, there really is a bird-like entity in the novel, deciding humanity’s fate. If only it could answer its mobile phone!
Published 1994

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.52 out of 10)
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Feb 06

Wizards, well known for their harp riffs.Click for full image

Alessandra Comments: There’s a failure of perspective in the building.  Where exactly is it supposed to be?  Is it falling down?  How big is it? Oh never mind, just keep your eyes on the guy in the bright purple Renaissance fair outfit.
Published 1978

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 5.42 out of 10)
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Jan 16

Stage magicians get all the chicks...especially when they have a horse.Click for full image

Alessandra’s Art Direction: I want the main characters looking soulful, or at least sulky.  I want the woman on the left missing her frontal lobes, but balance it out with piles of sausage curls on the woman below.  Give the woman on the right a freakishly small body and no flesh on her arms, no ribcage, in fact no anatomy at all.  Dress them in brightly colored Renaissance fair castoff costumes — don’t forget the purple!  Oh, and put in a horse because you do them so well.  Make its wings as sloppy as you like; we’re going to cover them with the title anyway.
Published 1978

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.89 out of 10)
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Dec 12

Hey!!! Whoever is grabbing my ass... not cool dudes... not cool!Click for full image

Colette’s Art Direction: I want a colony of giant lavender termites- all with the same goofy facial expression- dragging an extremely khaki couple into their underground nest. Try and make the tunnel seem as reminiscent of a human colon as possible, as subtle subliminal foreshadowing of where a large purple ovipositor may soon find itself.
Published 1980

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.82 out of 10)
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Sep 07

There was two in the bed and the little one said, 'Alica remotionem corporis!'Click for full image

MisterBOB’s Art Direction: I think we all know what the author means by spells, wands in children’s hands. Paint the errors involved!
Published 1989

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.18 out of 10)
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Jun 08

Ah the 'Napoleon + Space = Awesome' equation!Click for full image

April’s Art Direction: So there’s this cosmic checkerboard, right? And on it we’ll have Alexander the Great, a Samurai, and Napoleon just kind of chilling out, each in their own separate square, completely unaware of anything around them. Now we just sit back and wait for the money to roll in.
Published 1995

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.36 out of 10)
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Jun 03

Is that... a monkey penis?Click for full image

Published 1972

Kill it! KILL IT!Click for full image

Published 1980

Whitney  Comments: I’m sending in two different covers of the same book. They are both wretched.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.87 out of 10)
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Mar 22

Sorry... you eat me after sex?Click for full image

Kevin’s Art Direction: Don’t put a red flame ANYWHERE on the cover—that’s too obvious! Instead, put Grizzly Adams into a jumpsuit and have him talking earnestly to a lizard man who’s walking a giant stag beetle through an alien city. Insert sexual tension by hiding the human’s left hand behind the lizard man’s buttocks. Also, hide both bipeds’ right feet from view so people will focus on the fact that the beetle is practically floating.
Published 1986

Many thanks to Kevin!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.70 out of 10)
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