Good Show Sir

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Alessandra Comments: There’s a failure of perspective in the building.  Where exactly is it supposed to be?  Is it falling down?  How big is it? Oh never mind, just keep your eyes on the guy in the bright purple Renaissance fair outfit.
Published 1978

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Alessandra’s Art Direction: I want the main characters looking soulful, or at least sulky.  I want the woman on the left missing her frontal lobes, but balance it out with piles of sausage curls on the woman below.  Give the woman on the right a freakishly small body and no flesh on her arms, no ribcage, in fact no anatomy at all.  Dress them in brightly colored Renaissance fair castoff costumes — don’t forget the purple!  Oh, and put in a horse because you do them so well.  Make its wings as sloppy as you like; we’re going to cover them with the title anyway.
Published 1978

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Colette’s Art Direction: I want a colony of giant lavender termites- all with the same goofy facial expression- dragging an extremely khaki couple into their underground nest. Try and make the tunnel seem as reminiscent of a human colon as possible, as subtle subliminal foreshadowing of where a large purple ovipositor may soon find itself.
Published 1980

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MisterBOB’s Art Direction: I think we all know what the author means by spells, wands in children’s hands. Paint the errors involved!
Published 1989

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April’s Art Direction: So there’s this cosmic checkerboard, right? And on it we’ll have Alexander the Great, a Samurai, and Napoleon just kind of chilling out, each in their own separate square, completely unaware of anything around them. Now we just sit back and wait for the money to roll in.
Published 1995

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Published 1972

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Published 1980

Whitney  Comments: I’m sending in two different covers of the same book. They are both wretched.

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Kevin’s Art Direction: Don’t put a red flame ANYWHERE on the cover—that’s too obvious! Instead, put Grizzly Adams into a jumpsuit and have him talking earnestly to a lizard man who’s walking a giant stag beetle through an alien city. Insert sexual tension by hiding the human’s left hand behind the lizard man’s buttocks. Also, hide both bipeds’ right feet from view so people will focus on the fact that the beetle is practically floating.
Published 1986

Many thanks to Kevin!

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Tim Comments: Hot babe fairy queen, standing on slime-mold covered stairway to nowhere. Add in super-wussy fairy dude, you gotta feel for him, they put him in quite possibly the worst costume of all time. And the photo doesn’t do justice to the garishness of the blue background and orange border. And of course lots of different fonts.
Published 1985

Many thanks to Tim!

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MisterBob Comments: Look darling, there be tentacles! But what about my little alien baby, maybe cat nanny can stay behind and continue to look bored.
Published 1984

Many thanks to MisterBob!

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E’s Art Direction: I want it to look like West Side Story in space, only make most of the jets werewolf people with absurdly large guns.
Published 1992

Many thanks to E!