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May 23

YES! It’s not only a bank holiday on Monday but the site is working! Woo! That means we can finally do another Honourable Mentions!

Thanks to all of you who constantly checked the site for over a month to see if it was working again! I missed all your comments, though oddly I actually got some work done. Anyway, I’m back to my normal pace now! Till the site breaks again…

Dude... you should get some cream for that or something!Click for full image

Scott W’s Art Direction: Ok, I need me a Ben Franklin, some lecherous 18th century dudes copping feels (or having their feels copped) by busty harlots, and oh yeah, can you possibly have Mr. Hundred Dollar Bill ride in on a cardboard lightning bolt with a pleasantly startled expression on his mug?
Published 1980

Click for full imageNext stop for Kong, the Betty Ford Clinic.

Matt Comments: It wasn’t the airplanes. It was chain smoking that killed the beast.
Published 1977

Click for full imageWatch out! You'll poke someones eye out with those things...

Click for full imageThankfully I travelled first class, so at least I'll get a bacon sandwich on my return from forbidden love!

Ian R Comments: Do you accept old pulp sci-fi magazine covers? I hope you use them, if only because of that… thing on the woman’s neck/shoulder. It looks quite uncomfortable.
Published between 1955 & 1958

BONUS SPECIAL OFFER!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.55 out of 10)
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May 13

How do you like to be poked with a uranium rod? eh! EH!?!Click for full image

Lauren F’s Art Direction: Since this story is about elves and changeling babies and magic, it definitely makes sense to represent it on the cover with an electrical plug attacking a lady holding a fluorescent light bulb.
Published 1982

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.04 out of 10)
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Dec 10

He maybe a bit of an undead Van de Graaff generator... but I love him.Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Here it is, this is gonna blow your minds: a hot babe getting felt up in an open grave! But make it black-and-white so we can slip it past the censors. Put some bats in there too. OH! And make sure the bats have boobs.
Published 1991 or 1996

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.42 out of 10)
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Jul 25

If you think being chained is degrading, try wearing this hat!Click for full image

Scott B’s Art Direction: I want a cover with no Sioux, taking place not in space.  Just show one of the evil slaver horsemen, but without a horse.  Just give him a radio-technology weapon, a bird mask, and a snappy vest.
Published 1966

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.98 out of 10)
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Feb 20

A touch? Looks like you are coming down with strange to me!Click for full image

Scott B Comments: Birds-Hair and Prison-Face.  Truly a duo for the ages.
Published 1978

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.25 out of 10)
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Jan 30

Deerman was surprised at the quality of Trollman's buttocks.Click for full image

Frank Comments: Not only is the novel lit by the flames of Hell, but it seems Hell’s costume supplier is a taxidermist.
Published 1970

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.90 out of 10)
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Aug 23

Awkk... just another Friday night in the centre of Glasgow.Click for full image

Scott B Comments: I heartily approve of the Space Moose steed here, but the culture clash of the Native American / Scots clothing is really messing with my mind.  And the giant fiery phoenix hair.  I guess this isn’t one of the four books my planetary civilization needs.
Published 1969

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.90 out of 10)
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Sep 15

For anyone who hasn't seen 80's Top of the Pops, this sums it up perfectly!Click for full image

Scott B’s Art Direction: Take a woman with highly improbable hair, with a snake wrapped around her shoulders. Sexy, eh? But we need to make it all technological-like, so the snake’s actually made of fiber-optic wires or something.  And throw a computer keyboard behind her, to make sure people get it. Technology! Also put a giant floating head in the background — you know I require that on all my covers!
Published 1991

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.29 out of 10)
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Nov 24

My name is Inigo Montoya... I'm here to fix your washing machine.Click for full UNCENSORED image

Simon Comments: Not only does the illustration not match the fairy-tale quality of the title (not to mention the story), it does not look like the kind of thing you’d find at a library booksale, where I saw it, and where I was urged by my sister to buy it on the grounds that you can never have too many copies of this book, especially one as bizarre as this.
Publication 1974

I give this two Ronnies!
Many thanks to Simon.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.89 out of 10)
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Oct 27

This is my hair dryer and you can't have it!Click for full image

Danielle Comments: The title phrase says – One man against a wonder planet. Yeah. I wonder why these guys are dressed like some weird bird-fetish group. I wonder why one is holding a ray gun, while the rest have swords. I wonder why they have to have a bird emblazoned on their chest. I guess it’s in case someone misses the fact that they’re full grown men dressed as giant birds
Published 1963

Many thanks to Danielle!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.97 out of 10)
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