Good Show Sir

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Anders Art Direction: A pack of profoundly stoned giant proboscis monkeys in a garden! Nails in his nostrils! Both of them! Wha’? The cover? Knights and princesses and shit. You know, the usual.
Published 2002

Many thanks to Ander!

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David Comments: It took me a long time to notice that the naked red man with spikes on his feet and a horn in his forehead is holding his sword in a rather odd way.
Published 1973, 1974 & 1975

Many thanks to David!

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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies?  I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity.  What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine.  Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.
Published 1993

Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!

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Art Direction: We need something that really gets across the feeling of time travel. So, in other words I mean a naked gladiator takes on a Boeing 737. And by naked I just having him at some strange angle so we can’t see his bum crack or giblets. I know, I’m no fun.
Published 1980

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Dave Comments: Let’s see. We have a guy in a tree, with a sword, getting ready to lop of the head of a snake, with its head super-imposed against The Moon. Paging Dr. Freud!
Published 1983

Hey, I’ve seen that scene in the jungle book!!
Many thanks to Dave!

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Don Comments: OK, we’ve seen tons of perms and oodles of mullets on these covers – but I do believe this is the first permed mullet.  (Pullet?) Assuming that’s the eponymous Bard whose Tale this is, he’s apparently not the brightest light in the harbor, since he a) agreed to accompany his hairdresser on a thieving expedition from an albino lizard-man (do such things EVER end well?) and b) misunderstood her when she said she wanted him along to carry the loot.
Published 1993

Many thanks to the Don!

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Rose Comments: Let’s see what you have here.  We asked for a road…yes, well done.  And some people in elf suits.  And a really big, really stupid–oh…wow…
Published 1979

Another Heinlein, what fun!
Many thanks to Rose!

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Rod Comments: Nothing defines fratricide better than man taking on giant praying mantis. Or this that tiny man, regular bug? Either way, it’s a gas, gas, gas …
Published 1979

Many thanks to Rod!

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Don’s Art Direction: This is a humorous novel about an interstellar diplomat.  He’s suave, he’s debonair, and everything in the book’s played for laughs.  So we want a horrific tentacle-headed, four-eyed, jelly-legged alien leaping at him with a spear.  And we can’t afford the tux rental, so just use whatever your model’s wearing when he comes over from his rehearsal of A CHORUS LINE.  But add some muscles!  Retief is a two-fisted guy, no doubt with mighty thews!  We don’t know what “thews” are, actually, but we’ll know ‘em when we see ‘em and by God he better have ‘em!  THEWS!
Published 1983

So it’s comedy. But it’s not a joke onto the genre. That’s ok right?
Awesome! Thanks the Don!

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Art Direction: We all know from popular science fiction when one is stranded on a planet we loose clothing. It always ends up with a women in a mere bikini watching a man in a spear fight with some sort of daemon creature. Always! So draw it kinda like Robinson Crusoe… except with more breasts. And aliens.
Published 1983

Thanks to the Legend Dave R!