Good Show Sir

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You know what I love when admiring the female form. If only they’d put on a robe, a death mask and pick up a scythe. Man, if we draw a women like that. Why are you looking at me like that guys? Don’t tell me you’ve never thought of it before. No? Really? Oh.

Thanks to CSA!

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World gets destroyed by large alien disco balls firing lasers.  Lasers that create nuclear explosions. Then we’ll have some women in a tight shirt, unbuttoned just enough to tease our readers.  And like every other cover out there, she’ll be completely ignoring the fact that there is a mammoth nuclear explosion going off in the background.  Women, eh?

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Nothing says satanic worship than naked women releasing themselves from their robes. So just nakedness, the whole upside down cross thing and uh… those Jewish candles? They’re satanic right? And of course nakedness.

Thanks to CSA! You devil you!

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We all know what men want. Hunky muscles and tight underwear. No? Uh, strange stone monoliths? No? Leopard skin capes. No? Three horns coming out of his skull? What, seriously, no? Alright, have them all, but add two naked women caressing him. Classy eh? Actually, don’t answer me this time.

Thanks to CSA!

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Well I asked my teenage son and he said, “Running, running women, with barely any clothes, a mass amount of muscles, two of them running in the desert wilderness towards victory.”  Just kidding, I said that. Best throw in a flying robot and a dragon to chase after them. There’s no better running motivation than death, eh!

Thanks to Dave K!

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Here you go boss, we’ve spent all weekend on this. It’s called “sea”, right? Well, what do we love under the sea? Mermaids of course! With long hair and large… fins. And what else could we grab people’s attention with? An underwater dragon!!! Booo yeah!!! Just tell me how that doesn’t make perfect sense!?! No boss, you don’t actually have to answer that…

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You know what type of reader suffers in the world of sci-fi/fantasy? Men! We need something for the men! So just put a redhead vampire chick with a huge rack right there on the front cover, holding her shotgun. It’s about time that we have something men can enjoy unlike those, dragons, swords, guns, lasers…….space ships…..oh…

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I need Sci-fi mixed in with something suggestive! Yeah baby!! I am talking about tight space suits that make you wonder how they ever got into them. Huge racks and huge packs, if you know what I mean! Guns shaped suggestively like a… you know… *giggles* Whatever you do don’t mess it up with something like giving the women a perm. Are you listening to me?

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Think of your target audience, 15 year old boys and 39 year old single males still living with their parents. So that would be, a women with an unimaginable rack walks in space across….liquid alien gooey stuff….and then just throw in a red computer grid and some flying male/female symbols. Sorted! We’ve pretty much got a winner!

Thanks to Mairi!

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You know what the 1970′s scream? Car movies and Shaft. Everyone against the MAN! So kinda like those films but with a wind powered car, some small alien dude, an alien sting ray, spears, horrific landscape and some hot alien amazon chick pushing out her chest. Dig it!

Thanks so much to – guess who? – of course, the legend ChrisR!