Good Show Sir

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Look, we need to appeal to both genders here. So we’ll have a male body fused with a female body from head to toe, in a kinda strange almost rubbery way. Obviously we’ll only show some cleavage because the last thing we’d want on there is a huge Johnson.

Thanks to Nix!

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Gwad Darn it, we know from experience realism sells! If you haven’t got some models to pose for you in costume it’s just not going to sell. We’ll grab their attention with a kid hiding behind a sword fighters cape. Then we can make it shiny…

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Well any piece of art such as a women sitting on her horse, in the middle of the wood, summoning a huge glowing chalice, just isn’t complete with out a huge boarder. It’s like you’ll be staring in through a window into a magical world.

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Look the font is just too big we can’t fit the whole word in there. But hold on… Hold on a god damn second. What if we spelt it, DRA – GON and put it on two separate lines? Then all we’d have to do is add a dragon firing a laser from its mouth. God, I’m good.

It has come to our attention that this book is not Sci-fi nor fantasy. It is in fact a political thriller.
We appologise, but the cover is still amazing!

- Good Show Sir

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Look, with this we’re in a wi- win situation. How could we go wrong with a space ship going through some sort of light speed travel and the captain pointing at a huge shiny hologram of a person? Just as long as we keep the fonts subtle we’ll be fine.

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You know what a book cover can never have enough of? That’s right chum, text. Lets fire as much on there as possible. And possibly some worm creature being attacked by guys with guns. But that’s secondary, no in fact it’s tertiary, to the fonts with their various marvelous colours and shapes.

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There is one thing we should be about, fonts! Lots of them. Vast and glorious as they confuse your mind. Then we’ll just have something completely unoriginal on the cover. Something like, oh I don’t know, some marines firing their weapons at an tribal people who live in the trees. Sounds like a crap B movie eh? Ah ha ha ha ha.

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HOLY father of APOLLO! I have it, again! Cat people! Oh alright, we won’t have it just as bad as last time but we should have at least three of them. And some guy with a beard, and an alien city, and purple fonts that burn into your mind.

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Eyelashes! We’ll have a dragon with eyelashes, peering over at some wizard reading his dragon magical book. It won’t just be any mage, he’ll have a magical staff! Unheard of I know. And a side parting to make the king of side partings proud. As for the title, make it silver. We have to stand out somehow.

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Nothing says, ‘I’m one hundred percent pure man,’ than a glowing sword, blonde curtains and a cape with some red velvet lining. We’ll have him charging towards the reader on his horse, waving his sword and smiling manically. Make sure the fonts have at least three layers of bordering!