Good Show Sir

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There’s only one thing in this world that can make a muscle infused man in a loincloth and his scantily clad female faint almost instantly. A naked red headed minotaur who is sneezing at them. Just remember, the sure fire way to success, keep the clothes to a minimum!

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No man – be him a humble farmer from the old country or a tight muscled, loincloth wearing, sword wielding elite barbarian – can resist tackling his snake. So let’s have the loinclothed one waving his swords, standing triumphantly on a snake. Make the colours bright and the expressions memorable.

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I want a  man charging into battle on his horse. But instead of a horse, lets just have some five legged reptilian esk horse creature and lets not actually have a battle, he can just be charging alone through a desert Mars landscape. Make sure the guy is only wearing a loincloth. Who cares about armour as long as your family jewels are comfortable.

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What we shouldn’t have would be something like ships exploding covering most of the front cover as some four armed goblins fire a cannon. And some blonde women holding her gun as she surveys the scene. Then the title and authors in huge fonts! THEN quotes from reviews just in case we think it’s not busy enough! That’s what we shouldn’t have guys. Right, guys? …Right?

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So with a title like this, one has to be careful. I was thinking of a sweeping landscape and a storm brewing on the horizon.  Silhouetted over the coming clouds and setting sun would be some hands in chains and…… Sorry? You just want busty sword welding chicks and a chained male.  Ha! Who would approve that?

(Slightly breaks our rules as this is probably comedy – but it is another bank holiday weekend for UK readers! Have fun!)

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I’ll admit the only idea I could come up with is a women with laser gun cowers backwards with her chimpanzee colleague, who, I might add, should be in a tight leather body suit. Also, throw a huge red horned daemon bull creature in as he hurls himself at them with a loincloth… sorry I mean spear… ah what the hell why not both!?

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A huge hunky man with bulging muscles and a loincloth that just about covers his ass with a sword symbolically hanging down from it. Oh and have him holding a huge spear with his taught sweaty arms.Wait – better make this a little less fabulous – add in a dragon that he might be about to kill… or seduce….

Thanks to CSA!