Good Show Sir

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A collection of fantasy stories? Well I know what they’ll want. A huge barbarian with a ponytail swinging his axe at randomly placed wood. Hmm, you’re right, needs thickened out. Throw a stereotype wizard/fireball combination in there and some damsel with a sword.

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The great artists of our time had a formula were the human eye would automatically look to when presented with a work of art. At our point I know exactly what we need. A huge horses head, in pain as it gets speared by a crazed redhead.

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Well any piece of art such as a women sitting on her horse, in the middle of the wood, summoning a huge glowing challis, just isn’t complete with out a huge boarder. It’s like you’ll be staring in through a window into a magical world.

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Oh, I know: I had this strange dream last night, possibly a nightmare. We’ll have a horse, the mare, charging through a book case, transparent like a ghost, into the view of a typical accountant type. Lapels and booze bottles around him, just like real life. Just kidding of course, we’ll have to make him look like he’s washed recently.

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Listen to me carefully, I said give me a big bosomed women standing in front of some governmental type building casting a beefy fireball. With extra lens flare! Then place every sentence and word in a different type font. Oh wait… that’s what you’ve done.

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Everyone is into wizards these days. Your friends, that strange shopkeeper next door who just stares at you, even your mother! Sorry… but who wouldn’t appreciate a mullet wielding wizard with a sexy open ripped shirt, kneeling next to a dragon in the midst of a spell? Teenagers? Well… mmm… uh… uh oh.

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It was my late teens and I was studying hard at some top notch university. Then came the LSD and it was all, floating semi translucent men surrounded by magical orbs in a forest being watched by unicorns. I suppose that has something to do with the world of cats, right?

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Ok! What would gods normally do, while inhabiting the body of a busty half naked women? Hmmm, how about standing by a sweet tower glowing oddly, on all fours in front of some sort of cat creature and swinging a sword about to decapitate a snake. Gods are all about the sexual innuendo! Yeaaaaahhhhaaa!

Thanks to David D!

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We’ll have a dragon sweeping into a castle wall, a ninja on its back. And we’ll have the dragon actually killing someone with it’s, ummmm, magic breath. That’s right, just magic. Possibly electricity. I don’t know what dragons actually breathed, I haven’t got to that part in my dragonology night course yet.

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Fantasy readers can’t think for themselves! They need one thing, hyper realism! It’s a phrase I’m coining. So well have a guy in his pajamas and an old women in a dressing gown staring at a magical glowing orb in the palm of the dudes hand. All set within a dark forest.