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Apr 03

The destroyer of fleets, worlds, and bottles of single malt whiskeys.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: At last Jimmy Doohan gets a chance to have a story where HE’S the hero, instead of that bozo Bill Shatner!
Published 1997

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.88 out of 10)
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Mar 28

Time to use this psychic communication crystal to call my insurance company.Click for full UNLEWISED image

Good Show Sir Comments: MANUFACTURERS WARNING! Crashing this space ship may result in a loss of all female clothing.
Published 1978

Many thanks to Chris!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 5.93 out of 10)
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Mar 21

"Simply Amazing!" - Writer's Best MateClick for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: I brought in my favourite 90′s computer game. Just grab some stills from it and we’re good to go!
Published 2002

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.56 out of 10)
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Mar 19

Blondes... the number one cause of erotic space crashes.Click for full image

OK OK we're lost... someone check the map for a giant naked woman.Click for full UNLEWISED image

Frank Comments: First we have The Star-Crowned Kings a Daw Books publication. I haven’t read it so don’t know what the lady-in-chain has to do with the story. But, I thought, she looks familiar, and I thought I knew where I’d seen her before: Up to the Sky in Ships, a NESFA Press collection of some of A. Bertram Chandler’s short stories.  Chandler and Freas were Guests of Honor at that year’s Worldcon, which was the occasion for the book. I guess it was thought that this would be offered to a more adult audience and so the model got to stand up for this painting, so we could all see that the lady-in-chain really is a blonde.
Star Crowned Kings published 1975
Up to the Sky in Ships published 1982

It’s dos-a-dos like an Ace Double and if you flip it over you see the cover for the other collection of shorts in the book, this one from Lee Hoffman.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.86 out of 10)
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Mar 04

SPACE KAT IZ JUS 2 KEWL 2 LOOK AT EXPLOSHUNS. Click for full image

Good Show Sir Comments: Nothing says, “classic” like a good ol’ shiny cover! Baen, you never fail to impress! I hope you never change.
Published 2001

Many thanks to Rachel and Thomas!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.23 out of 10)
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Jan 28

Somewhere... a ship designer is having a jolly good chuckle!Click for slightly larger image

Andy’s Art Direction: What we need are spaceships and penises.  Or if you can’t fit both of those on the cover then just combine them.
Published 1978

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.10 out of 10)
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Jan 22

Sloth person attacks very very slowly...Click for full image

John G Comments: “My best frend is an alien caled Mr Poot. He has a round hed, round eyes and is furry like my teddy. My dad dos not like Mr Poot. Mr Poot abduktid my dad and stuk a prob up his bum. My dad sed Ow”
Published 1971

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.28 out of 10)
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Dec 11

Go out into space you said... get yourself a good tan you said... Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: In the future, everything will be needlessly complex and ridiculously over-engineered… except women’s clothing.
Published 1984

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.41 out of 10)
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Dec 09

This is my first experiment! Just wait till you see my second one! Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: I see it looking like Jurassic Park, only more space-ship-ey.
Published 2006

I don’t have much time this week to go through the rigorous cover selection criteria…
So welcome, to ‘Tom Noir week’!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.83 out of 10)
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Dec 05

Hold on one second dude... look what's checking into the hotel... a black blob with a wizard stick!!Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Well it’s a busy anthology so we should keep things busy on the cover. This is for Focus magazine… and we all know they only want one thing on their free book… mannequin cleavage! Just fill the rest with whatever you feel like.
Published 1995

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.45 out of 10)
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