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Jul 04

Dinocentaurs have no need for space suits!Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: 
“Great, John, you’re here, come see the cover we’ve whipped up for Soldiers vs. Dinosaur Space Centaurs!”
“Uh, my book is just called ‘Soldiers’.”
“Ermmmmm… have you considered adding some dinosaur space centaurs to it?
Published 2001

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 9.04 out of 10)
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Jul 03

Stop placing the title and get over here!!Click for full image

Frank Comments: This disco looks kind of empty.
Published 1954

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.27 out of 10)
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Jul 02

Don't want to crop this picture... love the potted plant!Click for full image

Alexandria and kinda John Comment: My friend and I love your site. So many fun times.
Published 2013

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.96 out of 10)
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May 09

And we are back! Woo hoo! Enjoy all these great covers and pieces of art from Frank!

We keep the devil downstairs... my daughter paints his nails. Click for slightly larger image

I couldn’t help but wonder what this cover art was about: the Cosmic Striptease, or The Devil Downstairs. So I looked within, where I found….
Published 1957

Nothing like a good fedora to make women spontaneously combust!Click for slightly larger image

“Beautiful women were Satan’s main weapon. They made sin look so attractive.”

Wow... the cosmos has some great legs... just legs... they are pretty great... I guess...Click for slightly larger image

“Millions of Earthlings gaped while the Martian show went on.” Apparently the Martians had a pretty good grasp of human anatomy.

Sorry! I picked up my wood from the local store this morning! Try next door! OH... a MOOD merchant... uh be right there.Click for slightly larger image

Further in, for another story titled, “Excitement For Sale!!”
“He was a mood-merchant, a happiness-huckster, peddling dreams from door to door.”

That is... FANTASTIC!Click for slightly larger image

Table of contents so you can see all the authors and cover art credit.

I guess they should have bought mood and dreams from the mood merchant.Click for slightly larger image

I may have to go back and read this one to get the context for, “women were flung heartlessly into space”.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.86 out of 10)
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Apr 03

The destroyer of fleets, worlds, and bottles of single malt whiskeys.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: At last Jimmy Doohan gets a chance to have a story where HE’S the hero, instead of that bozo Bill Shatner!
Published 1997

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.95 out of 10)
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Mar 19

Blondes... the number one cause of erotic space crashes.Click for full image

OK OK we're lost... someone check the map for a giant naked woman.Click for full UNLEWISED image

Frank Comments: First we have The Star-Crowned Kings a Daw Books publication. I haven’t read it so don’t know what the lady-in-chain has to do with the story. But, I thought, she looks familiar, and I thought I knew where I’d seen her before: Up to the Sky in Ships, a NESFA Press collection of some of A. Bertram Chandler’s short stories.  Chandler and Freas were Guests of Honor at that year’s Worldcon, which was the occasion for the book. I guess it was thought that this would be offered to a more adult audience and so the model got to stand up for this painting, so we could all see that the lady-in-chain really is a blonde.
Star Crowned Kings published 1975
Up to the Sky in Ships published 1982

It’s dos-a-dos like an Ace Double and if you flip it over you see the cover for the other collection of shorts in the book, this one from Lee Hoffman.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.94 out of 10)
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Mar 10

Ironically for a book taking sex to the max... Space Sheep isn't needed for censoring!Click for full image

Vincent Comments: To be fair, the cover blurb says that it is “different” and judging by the illustration, which I cannot even comprehend, I think that’s very fair.
Published 1969

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.04 out of 10)
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Feb 04

Squids love women.... thankfully Space Sheep helps protect our innocent minds!Click for full UNSHEEPED image

Hakan’s Art Direction: OK, we’re printing the translation of The Pebble in the Sky by Prof. Asimov. I’m open to suggestions for the cover… Come on people! The story happens in a planet, so let’s have the Earth in the background, did you see the last episode of the Galactica? Let’s put that in the title! And some women! NAKED women! And some squid! NO! MAKE THAT A SPACE SQUID! GOLDEN! So, the title we’re using is now “Sinister Planet Galactica,” it suits better, the book has no pebbles in it but has a planet so there you go. Now I want the whole lot on my desk by tomorrow or bad things will happen to you, Sir!
Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.68 out of 10)
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Jan 07

Lady... either help me kill this space crocodile or cover yourself up with a Space Sheep!Click for slightly larger image

Frank Comments: Remember that blue girl from The Ballad of Beta 2? She really gets around!
Published 1973

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.95 out of 10)
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Dec 05

Hold on one second dude... look what's checking into the hotel... a black blob with a wizard stick!!Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Well it’s a busy anthology so we should keep things busy on the cover. This is for Focus magazine… and we all know they only want one thing on their free book… mannequin cleavage! Just fill the rest with whatever you feel like.
Published 1995

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 6.45 out of 10)
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