Good Show Sir

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Jen Comments: You know, it’s been a while since I’ve read this, but you’d think I’d remember the part with the giant mecha vs. super soldier race.  And boy, is that shiny.
Published 2001

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Dorian’s Art Direction: What do you mean, there are no scantily clad women in the story?  No werewolf?  No heaps of treasure?  No weird monster consisting entirely of teeth and wings?  Ah, who cares?  No-one ever looks at these things anyway.
Published 1993

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Don’s Art Direction: We don’t want this cover to just jump out at you, we want it to stab you in the eyes with a hot-pink icepick.  And our dictionary defines “hermaphrodite” as “bored bloke with major addictions to mousse and Manic Panic”.
Published 1992

Many thanks to Don!

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A heavily armoured sword wielding knight on a metal horse attacks some smoking animals. Why are they smoking? For effect my dear boy! And possibly magic. Anyway, make sure those animals are mean! I want red eyes and snarls!

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The shine! We are all about the shine. But we’re lacking somewhere, there is just something we need to push the readers right over the edge and into the pit of greatness. Got it! Half naked faeries and royal elves. Making one of them look like an Elizabethan queen will drive all the boys craze-Z!

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Hey man! Oh everyone else is out getting dip but sit down. Oh … For that cover, I was thinking man-tigers, multiple. Standing beside a glorious master man-tiger encased in some sort of strange uncomfortable looking weapon suit. Thoughts? Yea, of course we can get the others to pick up some Chinese food.

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So I climbed over the mountain peak and made my way through the snow storm.  I was close to death and feared I may never see another living soul again.  Then I stumbled on the temple, and the great master. There he leaned forward from his mediation. Placing a single flower petal in my hand he whispered, ‘shoulder pads’.  It changed my life.

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In my life time, I’ve seen dragons vs lasers, dragons vs swords, even dragons vs man-tigers. Where haven’t we gone you ask? Well my dear friend, let me but whisper these words into your ear and pray they don’t start to bleed with pleasure. Dragons vs Concordes! That’s right, with shoulder pads and eighties hair cuts!

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Hey guys, well I have the chips, beers, d20′s, cigars ….. and so I told them for the cover just put a large cybernetic cat man pondering meanly into the distance whilst standing in the midst of an exploded wasteland.  *coughs* Why are you looking at me like that? …. Oh right, I forgot the dip!

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We’ve both been talking this over and really there is one thing we need on our cover. A horrific font!  Have it big, bold, blocky and have the ‘fought’ look like someone has tried to adjust the colour balance in photoshop and then forgot about it.  For the rest, just have some women crawling out of the air vent shooting an android. But seriously, who cares about the artwork these days.