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Jul 30

My thighs... need no protection!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: This is a good cover. Just try not to think about the fact that when she stands up she’s not wearing anything past her navel. Or about what’s going on with her breastplate. Or how her stubby arm can support a shield that big. Or about the fact that she appears to have just passed gas/the ghost of her mother-in-law.
Published 2001

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.53 out of 10)
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Jun 02

My ting! Is bigger than your ting!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Time to see who has the biggest TING!
Published 1990

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.44 out of 10)
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Jan 21

Looks like I picked the right war to shave my arm pits! Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Frog people, monkey people, fish people and lizard people? It’s like it’s Tag Wizard’s birthday!
Published 1995

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.27 out of 10)
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Jan 13

Look could we hurry up... I've put on a bit of weight over Christmas and this fixed breast plate is killing me. Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: I am SO sorry, Mrs. Goliath, I had no idea.
Published 2000

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 5.45 out of 10)
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Oct 08

Is that a gun or cake? Ah to hell with it... I'm going to shoot...Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: With a sinking heart, Brad realized their skin-tight glam-rock outfits would not be an effective disguise in the forest.
Published 2007

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.05 out of 10)
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Sep 13

EYE.. can show you the world.... sorry... I'll get my coat!Click full image

Good Show Sir Comments: Yep… this version of Aladdin was way more awesome!
Published 1990

Many thanks to Cowles!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.20 out of 10)
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Aug 26

Green women love a well manicured hand!Click for full image

Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Comments: Most boys go through a phase where they wish they could summon a nude She-Hulk to this world. Though most boys put more thought into the relative scale.
Published 1989

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 8.41 out of 10)
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Aug 09

Helper Monkey's are always evil...Click for full image

DPN Comments: It’s a game – Find the five odd honours depicted on this book cover.
Published 2011

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.27 out of 10)
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Jul 12

We may look cheesy... but at least we don't have a theme song by Adele...Click for full image

Dead Stuff with Big Teeth’s Art Direction: Gentlemen…perhaps what this cover needs is both a man, and a horse! Yes! And another man with a mullet, showing he doesn’t know how to ride a horse. And… a girl wearing nothing but body paint, standing at the top of a staircase! Because, gentlemen: nobody would otherwise pay money for something a woman has written!
(the senior partners, followed by everyone else in the room, erupt in a perfect storm of applause. The junior copyrighter wipes a tear from his eye)
Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.52 out of 10)
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Jul 08

John! Stop looking at his muscular thighs and help us!!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: What have you done to me, you monsters? I can’t lower my arms! I CAN’T LOWER MY ARMS!!
Published 1994

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of artI would touch it without protective glovesI have seen worse. Far, far worseInteresting, but I would still read it in publicMiddling: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lamé picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show, Sir.... Good Show! (Average: 7.63 out of 10)
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