Good Show Sir

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Jessie Comments: I really don’t know what to say about this, but I recommend noticing not only the shag carpet flames but also the subtle nuances of how the model’s head is too small for her body, which is wearing a very modern pair of socks.
Published 1985

Many thanks to Jessie!

(Average: 5.76 out of 10)

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Anders Art Direction: A pack of profoundly stoned giant proboscis monkeys in a garden! Nails in his nostrils! Both of them! Wha’? The cover? Knights and princesses and shit. You know, the usual.
Published 2002

Many thanks to Ander!

(Average: 6.34 out of 10)

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David Comments: It took me a long time to notice that the naked red man with spikes on his feet and a horn in his forehead is holding his sword in a rather odd way.
Published 1973, 1974 & 1975

Many thanks to David!

(Average: 7.60 out of 10)

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Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Okay, this book is heroic Celtic fantasy, but the question is how do we sell it to the ladies? I’ll tell you how: full frontal nudity. What do you mean we can’t – okay, fine. Throw some strategically placed splashes over it to please the censors. But just so people get the picture, fill the remaining cover space with pictures of swords.

Published 1993

You might remember this from here.

Seriously, why do all these guys shave their body hair?
Amazing! Many thanks to Tom!

(Average: 8.63 out of 10)

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Art Direction: We need something that really gets across the feeling of time travel. So, in other words I mean a naked gladiator takes on a Boeing 737. And by naked I just having him at some strange angle so we can’t see his bum crack or giblets. I know, I’m no fun.
Published 1980

(Average: 8.54 out of 10)

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Dave Comments: Let’s see. We have a guy in a tree, with a sword, getting ready to lop of the head of a snake, with its head super-imposed against The Moon. Paging Dr. Freud!
Published 1983

Hey, I’ve seen that scene in the jungle book!!
Many thanks to Dave!

(Average: 5.43 out of 10)

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Don Comments: OK, we’ve seen tons of perms and oodles of mullets on these covers – but I do believe this is the first permed mullet. (Pullet?) Assuming that’s the eponymous Bard whose Tale this is, he’s apparently not the brightest light in the harbor, since he a) agreed to accompany his hairdresser on a thieving expedition from an albino lizard-man (do such things EVER end well?) and b) misunderstood her when she said she wanted him along to carry the loot.
Published 1993

Many thanks to the Don!

(Average: 6.61 out of 10)

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Rose Comments: Let’s see what you have here. We asked for a road…yes, well done. And some people in elf suits. And a really big, really stupid–oh…wow…
Published 1979

Another Heinlein, what fun!
Many thanks to Rose!

(Average: 6.90 out of 10)

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Art Direction: We all know from popular science fiction when one is stranded on a planet we loose clothing. It always ends up with a women in a mere bikini watching a man in a spear fight with some sort of daemon creature. Always! So draw it kinda like Robinson Crusoe… except with more breasts. And aliens.
Published 1983

Thanks to the Legend Dave R!

(Average: 6.68 out of 10)

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Jen Comments: A warlock and his robotic horse battle a carnivorous tree who collects stuffed animals and leprechauns, while farting evil smoke into the mouth of a nearby menacing castle. Meanwhile, a knight and his lady ride past, oblivious. Sadly, a surprisingly accurate depiction of the book. And yes, I paid $5 for it.

Insane thanks to Jen!

(Average: 7.37 out of 10)

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